A 1.5k word story commission for GagMeWithASpoon of their character Zachariah. They wanted to have an unfortunate adventurer come face to face with their massive terragon archlich, and I thought a little kobold would do the trick!

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The Lair - for GagMeWithASpoon

Proving his worth was what mattered to this little kobold. He was one of the few which made it this far, trained to become a true warrior. His tribe thought highly of his potential, and growing up he’d heard many words of encouragement; “Vero is strongest of tribe!” “The tribe admires skill of Vero.” “Vero become true dragon in next life.” The little warrior was seen as perfectly able by his kin, built up to serve a great purpose. Yet, Vero thought more could be done. He demanded tests of his skill, and the tribe provided. He’d lead hunts on dangerous monsters, raid castles for necessary goods, even push back a goblin army with his strategic know-how. And yet, he wasn’t satisfied. Vero wanted to prove himself. And so, when he got word of an ancient sleeping lich, he knew this was the ultimate challenge. His friends pleaded against this idea. They said it wasn’t worth it, that it was suicide, and that the tribe needed him here at home, but he did not budge. To Vero, who had already done so much for his tribe, he thought this would truly solidify his title and worth; if he lost, he’d go out a warrior and be awarded greatly by his god, but if he won, he’d come back home as the ultimate kobold who could once and for all say he’d proven his worth.

Getting to this location was outside of any kobold’s comfort zone, even for someone as mighty as Vero. Despite his plate armor being able to keep the snow off his scales, his body was wrapped up tightly in a dense fur cloak to ward off the icy winds. Spotting the dusty old castle up on the mountainside was probably where his feelings of bravery first waned. He absolutely despised the feeling of snow grinding beneath his toes as he moved up each stone step carved into the mountain. At one point he just resorted to closing his eyes, repeating the phrase “one step up mean one more step down” as if to trick his psyche into thinking it’d be too long a journey back home. In a way, he was right, he was practically on the doorstep of his lich target, so everytime he’d open his eyes to catch his bearings he’d only find himself closer and closer.

Eventually, in a semi-desperate move to escape the cold, he bursted through the front doors of the castle, immediately greeted by a differing atmospheric feeling. The place was ice free, and no winds could touch him here. In fact, his sensitive scales sensed an unusual feeling of heat coming from further within. Vero gripped the hilt of his sword, still sheathed, and slowly ambled forward. It was lucky he was a kobold, as the structure of this place (for as massive as each hallway may have been) allowed little light from the outside to pierce inside. Vero softly padded along the ornately designed stone flooring, being careful to not let his feet claws clack too loudly. Each winding walkway seemed more stunning than the last, as if whoever constructed this place treated it more akin to an art piece or library. One hallway would be decorated by various gem-like orbs, while another had ever-shifting bricks, and another was just two long stretches of well-stocked bookshelves. But it didn’t take Vero long before he eventually came to the place he’d been looking for all this time.

He quietly pushed open a pair of wooden french doors, which gave way to an imposing display. Inside felt like something akin to some kind of arena fight pit, steps going down about 15 feet to a central display. It looked like a bed, for giants perhaps, and on it rested… something. Vero had no clue, looking like some stationary blobby mass, a several-foot-tall-and-wide mound that grew and shrank in a slow and rhythmic fashion. This was also the first room that Vero got a feeling of true light and warmth, both from the dimming torches that adorned the wall as well as the fireplace that had been slowly reduced to cinders.

The kobold wasted no time admiring this place, pulling out his sword and shield. He wasn’t quite sure what this creature was capable of, and frankly he didn’t want to think about it. If he waited any longer, hesitated for a moment, it could spell danger. Thus, he slowly padded down these steps and toward the massive bed. As he reached the side, a soft wind could be heard matching the indescribable monster, one which matched its breathing. This was a lich, right? He’d never seen one before, only knew they were considered the most dangerous beings around by word of mouth. And with his position, he had the perfect angle to strike. He raised his sword, clutching it in both hands. One swing, one solid stab, would be all it needed to go down. Vero steadied his breathing, tightened his stance, and with a powerful motion plunged his sword down.

ZZZRRPT!

The kobold flew backward into the room’s wall in the blink of an eye, sword and shield clattering to the ground with him. Vero felt his body tingling, as if lightning had struck him, causing him to cough uncontrollably. But in the same motion, as he was catching his breath, the mound began to shift with a groan.

“Blughh… wuzzat?” A humanoid face, one sunken into a possible half-ton of blubbery adipose, grumbled as it sat upright. “Why’d that spell go off?”

Vero, on hands and knees, went wide-eyed at the sight of the beast. Perhaps, even with his limited knowledge, this was no ordinary lich. The being was made of pure black darkness, as if it had bathed in coal dust and soot; ebony hair, charcoal hide, even its sleep-soaked eyes were a pure obsidian black. As they rose to a more upright position, Vero got a more intimate understanding of their figure. Specifically, he noted that the mound he questioned before was actually part of his being. He’d never seen someone as overweight as this person, even among the more giant races. They were absolutely engulfed in fat, with a double-belly piled down to their ankles and a dense rump as wide as three-kobolds-tall. If this is what the humans called “morbidly obese,” then Vero knew this fight would not be easy for someone of his own stature.

The being twisted their head to the side, locking eyes with Vero, and staring with continued confusion, until suddenly scowling. “Oh fuckin- Did I leave the front door unlocked again?!” Vero was nearly flashbanged by the sudden roar of all the flames in the room reigniting at full blast at the same time. “Right in the middle of my damn nap too.” The behemoth wobbled in place, seeming to try to rock its body side to side. If Vero had to assume, they were trying to use momentum to roll themselves fully upright to stand up. “At least it’s just a little kobold. What in the nine hells do you want? I’m trying to sleep off my dinner here.”

Vero’s eyes darted around the room. His shield was out of immediate sight, but his sword luckily was still nearby. He snatched it up and struggled to his feet, holding the blade in both hands while pointed at the being. They at first looked confused, before smirking. “You have got to be kidding me. A little thing like you wants to fight me? Get real.” The imposing tub-of-lard rose one arm and snapped their fingers, and in the same motion Vero felt a spectral force pull at his tail and pin him to the wall behind him. He was lucky the wind wasn’t knocked out of him a second time, but now he felt unable to pull himself off this trap, even as he thrashed.

THOOM!

The black beast took a heavy stomp forward, shaking the earth. Vero felt their blood rush to their feet with another heavy THOOM echoed in the room. They were getting closer and closer with each step. “You’re lucky I’m too stuffed for dessert today.” As they waddled, their massive tail sliding over the ground like a serpent behind them, they reached into the air as more spectral hands procured them a fancy cigar. “Little kobolds like you are great palate cleansers.” They pressed the cigar into their mouth and took a long, dramatic drag, and as they puffed out the smoke, the being bared their razor-sharp teeth with a grin.

In a last ditch effort to make a stand, Vero chucked his sword at the entity, only for it to bounce off his swaying gut. Vero gulped as their shadow loomed over him. “But I think you can do something else for me and my stomach.” In a single action, Vero’s senses all went dull as that massive belly smashed into him, pinning his tiny reptilian body against the wall.

“Welcome to your new job, gut slut.” The being teased between another puff of smoke. “Call me Zachariah Shadowscale, your archlich master. Now, start rubbing.”