Tish and Max are twins, coyotes, and one summer away from middle school. They are polar opposites, but best friends. They are inseperable. That is, they were. Until Max was hit by a train.
Now, after the funeral, Tish's beloved brother lies buried under hundreds of pounds of earth.
Of course, she's not going to let a little thing like that stop her from seeing him again...
Now, after the funeral, Tish's beloved brother lies buried under hundreds of pounds of earth.
Of course, she's not going to let a little thing like that stop her from seeing him again...
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 118.8 kB
Wow, I just read the whole thing and I'm really impressed by the concept. The language was a little colloquial (too much everyday informal-like) and some of the coarse language wasn't necessary but with a little editing it's a sound story :) I look forward to seeing what you write next :)
*arches an eyebrow at you* O RLY?
I personally think the fact that I can write how I talk is one of my greatest strengths. As much as I appreciate grammar rules, I think one of the best ways to make your work sparkle, sizzle and dance is to bend them. Forgive me, but formality is for business papers and English class. Let's ask Stephen King and Chuck Palahniuk how much money they've made by sticking to the rules, shall we? *grin*
And also, if the fuckin' swearing wasn't fuckin' necessary, I would'na fuckin' put it in, capisce? ;)
I personally think the fact that I can write how I talk is one of my greatest strengths. As much as I appreciate grammar rules, I think one of the best ways to make your work sparkle, sizzle and dance is to bend them. Forgive me, but formality is for business papers and English class. Let's ask Stephen King and Chuck Palahniuk how much money they've made by sticking to the rules, shall we? *grin*
And also, if the fuckin' swearing wasn't fuckin' necessary, I would'na fuckin' put it in, capisce? ;)
Well, we can disagree on stylistic differences, but you _were_ right about it needing editing. I actually found some spelling errors (anathema to someone as anal-retentive as me).
BTW, thanks very much for giving your opinion in a polite, dignified way, instead of, 'you suck! it should have been completely different!! and had herms in it!!!' My goodness, but rather a large segment of the internet populace have never heard the word 'tact'. ;)
BTW, thanks very much for giving your opinion in a polite, dignified way, instead of, 'you suck! it should have been completely different!! and had herms in it!!!' My goodness, but rather a large segment of the internet populace have never heard the word 'tact'. ;)
ATTENTION TO ANYONE WHO'S ALREADY READ THIS!!!
Tales_of_empyrean was kind enough to give me some constructive criticism on this an said it needed some editing. Now, while I disagree with a lot of what he said, I did some thinking and realized, dammit, he's right. This DID need some editing. So, at one minute past midnight on 6/5/07 I reloaded a newly proofread copy. Anyone who read it before this time, plese re-download it, or else you'll have the old, sucky version.
It ain't perfect, but it is a little better. Thanks, Tales.
Tales_of_empyrean was kind enough to give me some constructive criticism on this an said it needed some editing. Now, while I disagree with a lot of what he said, I did some thinking and realized, dammit, he's right. This DID need some editing. So, at one minute past midnight on 6/5/07 I reloaded a newly proofread copy. Anyone who read it before this time, plese re-download it, or else you'll have the old, sucky version.
It ain't perfect, but it is a little better. Thanks, Tales.
I like the flashback approach you take in the beginning, although the switch to sequential time left me a little puzzled. Flashbacking the resurrection scene itself might have had more impact; it's not as if you'd be giving plot details away with a title like 'Summer Vacation of the Living Dead' - and then the story would have caught up with itself at the climax.
The two final scenes seemed completely disconnected from the rest of the story. Although I'm certain there's a connection, and trust that it will be revealed in future installments - it still seemed disconnected.
Those structural details aside, it's intriguing to see your take on this particular genre, and I'm looking forward to the continuation.
Cheers,
OT
The two final scenes seemed completely disconnected from the rest of the story. Although I'm certain there's a connection, and trust that it will be revealed in future installments - it still seemed disconnected.
Those structural details aside, it's intriguing to see your take on this particular genre, and I'm looking forward to the continuation.
Cheers,
OT
Yeah, I'll admit it was a little disorienting, but I was trying at certain points in this to make the narrative give you the same feeling as the characters are experiencing. So, Tish snaps rather abruptly out of her memory and is startled as we are. And while I *could* have had the zombification scene first, then I wouldn't have been able to make it chapter thirteen.*tee hee*
Completely disconnected, you say? *giggles* Keep reading as I keep posting. You gonna be surprised.
Zombies are so much fun to write about.
Completely disconnected, you say? *giggles* Keep reading as I keep posting. You gonna be surprised.
Zombies are so much fun to write about.
FA+

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