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Since I've been teasing my followers and readers for a long time now about this "Summerhill" thing I'm writing, and since people seem legitimately interested in the story, I thought I'd share my Chapter One from my in-progress draft with you all.
Standard disclaimer here about how this is from an unfinished, unedited draft, and so the final product is liable to change, probably quite drastically from what's here, but hey, this will hopefully give you an idea of what you're in store for.
Oh, and just to make things interesting, Chapter One actually follows Chapter Two, more information on which can be found here.
Standard disclaimer here about how this is from an unfinished, unedited draft, and so the final product is liable to change, probably quite drastically from what's here, but hey, this will hopefully give you an idea of what you're in store for.
Oh, and just to make things interesting, Chapter One actually follows Chapter Two, more information on which can be found here.
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Dog (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 21.3 kB
Looks quite interesting. The world itself reminds me of a world I once made, a Void where abandoned stories go to die. Though, now I'm curious how he knows about these things that have never appeared in the World of the Pale Gray Sky. Did he come there from elsewhere? Did unseen muses from other worlds infiltrate his thoughts? Sounds like I'll have to read the book and see.
Gah, .docx is too new for me! haha
Here's the sofurry link for anyone with the same trouble as me.
http://www.sofurry.com/page/256080/.....ntentlevel=all
Here's the sofurry link for anyone with the same trouble as me.
http://www.sofurry.com/page/256080/.....ntentlevel=all
Well, that was wonderful to read. I love the concept. And I've always enjoyed days with gray skies and how the world seems so placid underneath. There are also quite a few philosophical and epistemological themes being developed here, questioning existence and all that. A fantastic story so far.
(Also, I think it's fun that you used the word "demarcate" twice. Neat little word I never knew existed.)
(Also, I think it's fun that you used the word "demarcate" twice. Neat little word I never knew existed.)
Well, that was quite an interesting read, K.M.! I enjoyed it very much! A very interesting teaser and nice thing to entice us into bigger things to come. Well, along with your narration of Chapter 2.
That said, I found this to be...jarringly different than your usual work, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I'm not entirely sure what you're going for here, but you kept it all interesting enough for me to want to see what happens next, for sure. I'm always glad to see your fantastic prose in action with everything you write, but I took issue with several things presented in your teaser, here.
One, the opening paragraph. I actually had to read this teaser several times before I was sure I felt the way I felt. This is probably going to sound utterly petty, but I don't think your opening line was really all that... great. They say the opening line/introduction has to be strong, engaging, fantastic, drawing the reader in, and both you and Kyell say this yourselves. But I think here, it could be so much better. There's nothing particularly engaging, remarkable, or even interesting about it; it just states a simple fact and goes on from there. From that single sentence alone, there's nothing really to keep me, as a reader, invested in who Summerhill is, what the World of Pale Gray Sky is, or why he lives there. I do realize that you go on to qualify your introduction with the subsequent paragraphs and sentences, and that sets it all up very well. But it could be better; I've seen you do better.
Secondly, you have a surprising amount of repetition here in this teaser. Like, wow. Some of the repetition I'm inclined to excuse because of narrative or stylistic purposes that you might have wanted to use for this particular story, but I think there are far too many instances where you refer to Summerhill by name, and it gets a little jarring. I'd suggest using some alternative pronouns when referring to him, sometimes, because most of the time, you just keep referring to him by name, over and over again... which is very surprising, because you don't usually do that in your stories.
But that's my only criticism. What I loved, and I mean REALLY loved, was how quickly and yet substantially Summerhill changed as a character. Character development and journeys usually require a good sense of pacing, and that's one thing I've come to find that you excel at better than almost any other writer; your pacing is damn near flawless in my opinion. But more than that, it's believable and feels natural, instead of rushed or contrived, which is often what happens when a character changes so quickly and so drastically.\. I like how you gave Summerhill a sense of urgency, almost panic--a nice contrast to the dull contentment he was feeling in the beginning. Fucking bravo, dude! I loved that!
I also want to point out that I could be completely wrong about all this, because you've said that this draft is unedited, and unfinished, so for all I know, you may have already changed/edited this! And if so, then my criticism is probably out the window. :) But regardless, that's how I feel about this current teaser that I've read. I hope you don't take offense, sir! As I said, you've definitely set up something interesting to look forward to whenever you get finished with this, and I'd love to buy/read the full thing when it's finished. I look forward to it!
Also, from listening to you on Unsheathed, I always thought Summerhill was an otter...:O
That said, I found this to be...jarringly different than your usual work, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I'm not entirely sure what you're going for here, but you kept it all interesting enough for me to want to see what happens next, for sure. I'm always glad to see your fantastic prose in action with everything you write, but I took issue with several things presented in your teaser, here.
One, the opening paragraph. I actually had to read this teaser several times before I was sure I felt the way I felt. This is probably going to sound utterly petty, but I don't think your opening line was really all that... great. They say the opening line/introduction has to be strong, engaging, fantastic, drawing the reader in, and both you and Kyell say this yourselves. But I think here, it could be so much better. There's nothing particularly engaging, remarkable, or even interesting about it; it just states a simple fact and goes on from there. From that single sentence alone, there's nothing really to keep me, as a reader, invested in who Summerhill is, what the World of Pale Gray Sky is, or why he lives there. I do realize that you go on to qualify your introduction with the subsequent paragraphs and sentences, and that sets it all up very well. But it could be better; I've seen you do better.
Secondly, you have a surprising amount of repetition here in this teaser. Like, wow. Some of the repetition I'm inclined to excuse because of narrative or stylistic purposes that you might have wanted to use for this particular story, but I think there are far too many instances where you refer to Summerhill by name, and it gets a little jarring. I'd suggest using some alternative pronouns when referring to him, sometimes, because most of the time, you just keep referring to him by name, over and over again... which is very surprising, because you don't usually do that in your stories.
But that's my only criticism. What I loved, and I mean REALLY loved, was how quickly and yet substantially Summerhill changed as a character. Character development and journeys usually require a good sense of pacing, and that's one thing I've come to find that you excel at better than almost any other writer; your pacing is damn near flawless in my opinion. But more than that, it's believable and feels natural, instead of rushed or contrived, which is often what happens when a character changes so quickly and so drastically.\. I like how you gave Summerhill a sense of urgency, almost panic--a nice contrast to the dull contentment he was feeling in the beginning. Fucking bravo, dude! I loved that!
I also want to point out that I could be completely wrong about all this, because you've said that this draft is unedited, and unfinished, so for all I know, you may have already changed/edited this! And if so, then my criticism is probably out the window. :) But regardless, that's how I feel about this current teaser that I've read. I hope you don't take offense, sir! As I said, you've definitely set up something interesting to look forward to whenever you get finished with this, and I'd love to buy/read the full thing when it's finished. I look forward to it!
Also, from listening to you on Unsheathed, I always thought Summerhill was an otter...:O
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