I wish you the best

I’ve been there too and I’m sorry you are still in the shadow of recent trauma.

This is a really really accurate way to view it imo.

Grief is like a collection of little ghosts. I feel them when I see old photos, walk alone down a familiar hiking trail, or touch the empty space on my ring finger. I feel the empty piece of me that was forcibly removed, and I long to feel loved again.

But we endure our loss and we grow into stronger people from our experiences.

You have to both accept what happened to you and also learn to live with being haunted.
Life is soooo funnnn :)

It’s rough because I can’t undo the things that have happened to me and I can’t help but be haunted.

But in spite of it all, I know that I am still capable of joy.

My heart lives on, and I will survive grief and become a fuller person from the experience.

I am still driven to be loving and kind and joyful in the face of all my hardships.

Yeah, I'm finally starting to, perhaps learn how to deal with mine. I've noticed that I'm angrier in starting .. not therapy, as I can't afford it. But... Following a therapist online that's putting out his usual exercises for people who can't go into full therapy.

I'm hoping that the anger is that... Darkness before the dawn sorta thing. Like it's... Exhaustion, or I'm unbotteling a lot of things I've had to suppress in life.

Let's just hope that we are both moving in the right direction. I wish you nothing but happiness.