repost from my other account, i want it memorialized here as well

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i never felt so quickly befriended than i did when i met you. everyone loved you and it shows. all the outpouring grief, art, memories, and crying, and telling each other "i love you". it is so jarring coming online and see people who didn’t know you moving on with their days as normal, when it feels like time has completely stopped for me… i miss you so much. i wish i had had more than 3 years with you, and i wish we talked more in private instead of mainly in your streams or in the group server. but no amount of time would have been enough. it hurts so terribly bad to know i won't get that chance, now. you deserved a lifetime and more. someone had said, and i agree, that if everyone whose life you touched for the better could shave off one of their own years just so you could have a full life, we all would. easily, no questions asked.

i wish i got to see you in person. i was going to, on the 2nd, at the hospital. i was going to give you this card. i have flowers sitting on my desk for you. you had a knack for making people feel welcomed. every time i visited your stream you greeted me so kindly, and every time you gleefully said "roo!!"… i languish in its loss. i love you. you were the friend of all time for so many people and i wish i had had more time with you. i wish i got to knew you more.

and every time, though it was few and far between because i struggle with conversations, you were so kind to me when we were talking just the two of us. i love you. i love you. i love you.

i wanted you to know how much you meant. how much your kindness touched me, and everyone else. i wanted to hug you and wipe my tears on your sleeve, and wipe your tears on my sleeve. but i have to be strong, and brave a mondayless world, and spread the kindness i wish i'd had the chance to give you

im never, ever, ever going to forget you. i'm not going to squander the times w the people i love either. i'm so sorry i couldn't see you in time, i'll make sure i never forget to love those i have now. i love you heather. i love you forever. trying to move forward. i'm going to see you soon, someday, monday morningstar. the sky above me is the same one above everyone, and we all will look at the moon and know you're looking back at us.

there is a funny puppy goofy hole in my heart but with love and kindness i will nourish it closed, someday, someday soon. someday soon.

thank you for having been my friend.