Aw Hell no. This Myspace fad ain't gettin' a photograph out of me. I've got a receeding hairline, a bald spot, I'm getting chubby, and I've got seven fascinating skin conditions. Plus I got beer on my good tie. 'Sides, I can draw, so why not draw a picture of myself, leaving out my various skin problems. I drew a picture of myself all dressed for work.

Here's an itemized list of features.

1. No moustache. I can't grow one. I can grow a full beard but my moustache always comes in thin and uneven.

2. Those are my creepy teeth with my unusally long canines. Also, my dentist tells me I have one more inscisor than I'm supposed to.

3. Beard.

4. That's my remarkable nose. [Not pictured, gin blossoms.]

5. THE SPATULA OF DOOM [LA SPATULA DEL DIABLO]

6. Come and visit us some time. Top of Queen Anne Hill. Try the pulled pork sandwich. If you see me, say "Hey Ahundred!" so I'll know you're from the Internet. If you see my boss, (he'll be wearing a Che Guevera T-shirt,) tell him about all the devious porn I draw.

7. It's not a vest. It's a waistcoat.

8. Prehensile tail, very useful.