Yay its my b-day today! Hence the drawing for myself <3

Im soooo so thankfull for all the people i met in past year, all cons, all commissions, and patrons ;w; <3



Can you imagine i moved cities, moved in with my girlfriend and we have now DOG? TOGETHER? IN OUR RENTED FLAT???? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.... its still something hard to belive, i also started collecting pet shops and im so happy with my little plastic animals, and getting some stuffed toys that i look at daily and bring comfort to me? Another amazing and unbelivable stuff right here folks, i tell you.



Also some personal thoughts and experiences about not being able to "envision" future:

Since I can remember i cannot envision future. Im in constant state of beliving that I wont be there next year, and not in like "sad/su**dal" sense, i simply cannot see anything past clossest few months, and if im stressed this time frame thats "avaiable" to me is even shorter like 2 months or even weeks. I dont know if it have to do with my adhd, severe anxiety i have as long as i can remember (5 yo to be exact), intrusive thoughts, autism or something else?



So im really proud of myself when i look back and see that in fact I MADE IT, again, (im always suprised). Because of living in quite "short" moments, its hard for me to grasp my progress and achievments in past, and i cannot plan anything in future. Which can be problematic sometimes, because you know adult stuff like : housing, plans for retirement and everything....

You cannot convince me that ill be here in next few years, and people that can properly answer question "where do you see yourself in 5 years" are such a wild concept to me? I cannot grasp it, i mostly live in the moment and next 1-2 months at best, and i just hope that just as I made it before, ill power through once more and then again, and again... so far this strategy worked and ill be worrying more when the stuff to worry about will come, im worrying constantly.



So if anyone feels similar to me, or is just depressed, stressed, anxious etc, just know there is hope, and we can make it even hour after hour if needed! (when i had my worst depression episode i was just living in hour time frames, and that was ok, i survived that too).



And to be honest being person whos having frequent "tired- cant do anything today, even getting up from bed" days couldnt be possible without being able to draw for customers and having patrons, (another wild concept i love you guys). Like i can draw funny dogs with colorful hair and im able to pay for my flat and food???? HUH??? also my part jobs being petsitter, which is another wild concept? You pay ME to hang out with animals ? I'm animals obsessed since being kid, you are paying me for living my dream <3



So even being after 25 and not having "real" job i made it again! against all odds! In past few years my depressive episodes were more frequent and longer too, so being active and quite well right now is another achievment! :D (yay for modern medicine and antidepressants and adhd meds!) I may be more often tired, and unable to focus on simplest tasks with each passing month/year , but im so privileged and lucky, to be able to have psyhiatrist visits and get help with meds.

I hope to see you all next year when ill try and write post similar to this one hopefully!

offf i rambled for so long, ill be suprised if anyone reads through all of that haha