i can feel the raw emotion in this art, i connect to it strong, your art is unlike any other. i wish i could hug you tight. please stay here, it will be okay i promise you. i'm so sorry for all the pain

i feel like i'm looking at a mirror. you've expressed this feeling so much better than i ever could. i've tried to tell people i won't last much longer, that it feels i'm nearing the end. they just tell me i'm young and have a long time left, with an implicit "there's nothing to live for and i am constantly alone". maybe it's not the same for you, maybe our suffering is different. i'm sorry.

i'd like to tell a story. people have asked why i don't open up. so i open up to them a bit, express my true feelings, and they either shut down, lose interest, or just feel sorry for me. lots of feeling sorry for me. it's nice that people care, but i know it's hard for others when they feel they can't help. it makes me feel... beyond saving. i did this for years, almost a decade, and everything was always the same. then a couple weeks ago, i got a different response. someone got mad at me. they got mad that i was depressed, they called me names, they told me the depression was my own fault because i refused to get help. their callous, poor response may have saved my life, and i just... don't know why. it's horrible and stupid to tell someone it's their own fault for being depressed. and yet, their stupid anger made me re-evaluate myself. i'm still alone, still depressed, but... it doesn't feel as hopeless.

i tell this story because... i wonder if everyone needs something different. i thought the best thing was to listen to people, but when people listened to me, it only helped temporarily. when i listened to others, it also just helped them for a short while. some people think sympathy is right, some people think tough love is right. and there's a bunch of different ways... and if you only ever see the same thing over and over, you may never find that way that finally makes sense to you. and it can start to feel even more hopeless, because nothing is working.

i used to hate people who would tell their own stories when someone was down. i thought they trying to steal attention. but, maybe, it was just their own way of trying to help. everyone has a different way they learn best. hold onto whatever shreds of hope you can muster, and someday you will find that thing that makes it click.

and hey... i follow very few artists, because there's not a lot of stuff i actually like. i like your art; i feel things when i see it. thank you for sharing bits of yourself

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