Not much to go on here. Some interesting ideas, I particularly like how well the bird is conceived of. I think I'd like to see a bit more in the way of scenery creeping into this narration. I get the feeling that, given the telepathic dragons and the ancient prey bird, this forest they're in must be even more ancient, primordial and full of wonders.

I'd also suggest losing the colons, replace them with something more along the lines of italics, for readbility's sake.

Oh yeah it's very bare bones...just throwing in ideas and getting the skeleton of the story out. Narration of the scenery will go there, 'cause it has a lot of that good primordial stuff. :)

Yeah I wasn't sure what to do with the telepathy...I saw colons used in a book one time, but italics is definitely more commonly used to convey that, so I may switch.

Thanks for commenting. :)

No prob, yo. I hang around and do what I can for the FA writers.