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this is….. log entry: 325
sunday 20-07-2025
sunday 20-07-2025
I made this a..? vent art….as a way to get rid of pain….
i did it…because……
because i feel…
I feel
I feel….
I feel……
Like a hammer was hitting my head…
hitting my brains and leaving me totally numb..
but I gotta be my own light “bruh”.im living alone In the darkness…..but i cant let it consume me…nam sayin?Pain, the daily bread….three times a day…maybe even more…“BUT GOTTA BE LIGHT BRO.”
you know what they say….
.
A Halo a day, keeps the Pain away….
or
A Halo a day, keeps the Master Chief in check….
or somt’n or more like
Just shut up, and do some Husky Raid….
.
Gonna put my hard surface helmet on…..To cover myself up…
maybe you know….hide myself from friends…..
......
they cant know….they must not know im a furry..or
that i have gender identity/fluidity problems…..NOOOO
even worse, they must never find out i have depression,
or self esteem problems……
Otherwise they gonna be throwing me even more s417
or maybe.....I could even get kicked out….
due to my low performance? not doing enough kills?
due to not fitting the criteria of ideal candidate?
maybe i’d even lose the only job I have at the moment…
dem…..
but YOU KNOW WHAT……
WHO CARES
I can still be my own light….my own hope…
that I can do….“CAN STILL SHINE BROTHER”
.
I went to the psychologist….
looks at me via zoom -videocall and says…..
“Oh…Dear…..who caused so much damage?
…….
who in the world caused you this much pain?”
something so hard to answer, yet so easy to feel
“Pain and pleasure….are two sides….of the same coin..”
im gonna be okay….im doing the things i must do….
even though it feels it’s been too long….
but this is progress…
at least I’m still painting after a 2 year hiatus.
there's enough drive and energy to go on.
everything’s gonna be alright..
everything is going to get better.
if my signature now says…Dawn….
is cause someone out there complained, and said to me that felt something was...off…
anyway…..yet…the same source calls me….”Dawn”
anyway…
its okay
well see how it goes……
happy monday
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