(Amity is resting in a lawn chair, when she suddenly feels the chair rise up)

Amity: Uh… what’s going ON! (Tyrone and Austin carry her across the deck and dump her on the stage, then Austin runs off)

Tyrone: Your doing the Ukulele karaoke, right?

Amity: No. I'm on a break. This is the Pirates'-

Tyrone: They are busy with the rest of the show.

Amity: B-But I don't even know the song.

Tyrone: (hands Amity a piece of paper and a microphone) Your lyrics! (to Austin) Bring in the props!

Austin: (pushes out cardboard a palm tree, a tiki lamp, and volcano) Waikiki! (Drops a fan near her) Your island breeze, Amity!

Amity: Hold on! I’m completely unprepared to do a solo!

Tyrone: Your backup singers!

(Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette come in wearing bikinis)

Amity: What? Isn't that the-

Tyrone: Yes, they are the Giggly Bikini Girls.

Amity: The Giggly Bikini Girls? They look taller on TV.

Austin: So do you, witch!

Amity: But really, this is Pablo's gig! I can't just—

Tyrone: The Show Must Go On! (To the girls) Quick, that is your cue!

(Cold Forecast beats a bongo, while Diwata Aino and Orange Sherbette play ukuleles. Diwata Aino taps her foot to the rhythm)

Tyrone: Just go follow along, you’ll be fine. (He and Austin walk off)

Amity: But-

[Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette]

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

[Amity]

Well, I keep a little turtle at my Uncle and my Aunt’s

My auntie’s name is Myrtle, and my island turtle’s name is Lance

He doesn’t wander far, even if he has a chance

He just plays his ukulele and he does the hula dance! What?

[Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette]

Lance the Turtle! Aloha, Lance!

(Pablo dances in, doing a hula dance, while wearing a grass skirt)

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

[Amity]

He threw a luau barbeque one breezy summer night.

(Austin turns on the fan)

Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a wiki bite.

The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing.

The one who lived across the street arrived there in the Spring!

Amity: (speaking) Oh, I get it! Turtles are slow, so it took him a long time. That’s pretty good!

[Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette]

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

[Amity]

But Lance just kept on cooking, he was grilling full of glee!

He was marinating ribs cause he liked-

(While dancing, her lyrics are accidently shredded through the fan)

Donnie: Uh… (reading pieces of lyrics) “Syrup with his feta cheese?” I-I’m sorry, I- (Tyrone and Austin tape up lyrics and give them to Amity) Lance’s purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please. Pineapples are shiny! Spotted tiki bumblebees?! Oh, man!

[Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette]

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Amity: Wait a minute, guys. I don’t think this is right. It doesn’t make any sense!

Austin: It works for us! Ha-ha!

Amity: But-

Tyrone: The song! The song!

[Amity]

Uh… There are luscious chocolate fingers, spinning slowly in the school. Mele Kalikimaka. Fluffy bunnies driving in the pool! Uh, Pablo?! A thousand igloos wax the beach, spray luggage in the tree! Raining puppies, flying clowns. Flossing punahele- (Pablo falls on Amity)

Ow! Oh, forget it. (Amity leaves)

[Austin]

Oh-ho!

Alpaca sneezes coconuts!

Tahini yo-yo leg!

Wahine with spaghetti sauce, don’t make the fuzzy parrot beg!

[Tyrone]

Paper, plastic porcupines!

The horsey makes his bed!

The humu-humu-nuku-nuku-apua'ua wasn't fed.

[Tyrone, Austin, Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino and Orange Sherbette]

Lance the Turtle!

Aloha, Lance!

Lance the Turtle, dance-dance-dance!

Lance the Turtle! Aloha,

Lance!

Lance the Turtle!

[Cold Forecast, Diwata Aino, and Orange Sherbette]

Dance-dance-dance!