Finding ruminative tranquility amidst a storm.

Years ago a counselor told me that moods are like storms. They can cause a lot of chaos and be unpredictable, but the landscape of your mind/personality remains consistent. That stuck with me, but I felt like the storm would never end. Perhaps it was in seeking an end that was preventing me from realizing there's beauty within the storm. Maybe the climate of my psyche was prone to rough weather. Maybe some events in life do alter the landscape.

Foregoing trying too hard with this metaphor, I've found myself struggling to navigate my mind for years post many challenging life experiences and lessons. I fear I've been a broken record in that regard. I've given up repeatedly, hidden away, battened down the hatches to never seek the outside again. I learned that's no resolution. I've tried to jump back out all too quickly only to burn out and falter back in the same hole. Unfortunately, it seems most wisdom is learned through failure, pain and loss. Things we all inevitably face when the innocence fades. I feel shameful, remorseful and overexposed just posting this. I suppose the lesson is to accept that life is ever changing and navigate it relentlessly true to who you are.

Maybe I'm just talking to myself, trying to bestow something akin to wisdom or make an eloquent excuse, but in this spontaneously personal 4AM rant I feel I owe it to this community to cast shame aside and be thankful in its stead. So many of these storms were only endurable because of the many kind, patient and understanding critters within the furry fandom. Folks I've hidden away from for too long, hurt, made mistakes with. But self shaming shouldn't hold me from trying to reconnect through the interference of stormy weather.

I suppose that's it. I wish the struggles life threw my way made sense. I wish I'd handled things differently. I wish there were a smoother, less awkward way of coming back to posting, catching up with old work and reconnecting with old and new friends. I wish I could say I'll be back with consistent regularity. I wish I could give back to you all more. I wish I could have learned the lessons I have now without hurting those I feel I have left abandoned in many ways.

But the least I can do is say thank you all for the support over the years.

I never thought I'd be looking at nearing 18 years of sharing within this community (ah, so many old cringe posts). In all the exciting, personal, debaucherous, silly, unforgettable, sad, wild things I've experienced, I wouldn't be here without the furry fandom and all the critters I've met over the years in all honesty. And while posting such long winded, overly sentimental, emotional expressions mostly aimed at myself sporadically alongside pictures of excessively large/kinky dragons and furries is peak cringe; I feel that's what makes this fandom special.

Cheers to the future and thanks again!