Ed's team mates on the football team just can't seem to take anything seriously. With a costume party coming up, the jock decides to trade in his cleats and give his look a drastic shakeup.

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Four stories in and I'm already getting experimental. Whoops!

This story serves as a mirror to tomorrow’s tale. They’re two different perspectives of the same afternoon at Faux Pass. After all, who doesn’t love a nice fair trade? If you’re visiting from the future, howdy! Otherwise, stick around to see how the other half plays out.

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Faux Pass - Nerd

Mornings were nice and quiet at Faux Pass. It has taken Ben a few days to fall into a new routine as the shop’s werewolf-slash-guard-dog, but he was starting to enjoy laying around until their first customers showed up.

Literally.

The Shopkeeper had laid out a nice thick blanket for him near the cash register. It was a bit of an odd gesture. His friend was treating him like a dog. Ben could have gone and grabbed a pillow or something on his own if he wanted to. He had the thumbs.

But the blanket turned out to be really nice to stretch out on. It caught the sun at the perfect angle in the early morning. After a bit of trepidation, he had really taken to just laying around and catching a quick naps between customers.

The old man gave him a toothy grins every time he caught Ben snoozing. He was clearly enjoying watching Ben take to his “character”. After a couple days, Ben got back at him by fetching the geezer his reading glasses and a newspaper. Two could play at this game. The Shopkeeper was dealing with just as many changes as he was after all.

Ben let out a long yawn. Then he snapped his muzzle shut when he saw his big black nose block most of his vision. He wasn’t used to everything just yet. He got up on all fours and paced around a bit.

The back was secure. The register was locked. Everything was in its place.

Ben wasn’t sure if he actually shape shifted when he got down onto all fours. He certainly a bit more canine when he wasn’t standing up. He would never admit it to the shopkeeper, but he kind of liked-

“Arf!?” What the hell!? The store was in the wrong place!

The view from the front window was no longer showing the sleepy warehouse district the two had rented a few days before. Instead, Ben was looking out at one of the main shopping streets in town.

“Pretty neat, huh?” The Shopkeeper walked up as if from nowhere.

“Ruff!” Ben gestured out at the window with one forepaw without bothering to get up.

“I may have teleported the shop to a more scenic spot,” the old man smiled.

“Arf!?” Ben let out an incredulous bark.

“We’re on a bus line now!” The wizard boasted.

True to his word, a bus full of students from the local university were hopping off the shuttle. Their Lakeside U swag was all a muted shade of blue to Ben now. He watched as most of the humans moved on, but a few lingered and looked up at the shop.

“Grr, ruff ruff” he growled.

“Don’t worry, I can clip out the bus schedule out for you,” the Shopkeeper flicked his wrist and held up the newspaper to him.

Before they could banter much further, a few customers entered the store. They’d already seen Ben down on all fours, so it was best if he kept up the guard dog routine until they passed through.

The Shopkeeper watched the small gaggle enter. He pointed at each student slowly ticking off their desires.

“Window shopping, window shopping, cowboy hat, window shopping-“ He stopped pointing, “Huh. Those two are interesting.”

Ben lifted his head up. The two humans in question had come in separately. Both of them had a similar slouch in their shoulders though. One was wearing some muted Lakeside U exercise gear, and the other had a pair of broken glasses.

“Arf arf,” Ben teased. The Shopkeeper had two potential customers, but he would have to pick which one he wanted to focus on.

“Hmm,” the Shopkeeper stroked his beard. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

The wizard gently snapped his finger. In an instant, he completely disappeared from Ben’s view. It freaked Ben out the first time he saw his friend teleport, but there was a reason the Shopkeeper always seemed to be able to come up out of nowhere from right behind a customer. Ben glanced over at the two students to see who the wizard would start with first.

Instead, two identical Shopkeepers reappeared. There was suddenly a wizard standing behind each of the customers. Ben’s head swiveled back and forth as he watched the Shopkeeper’s salesman routine play out simultaneously in two parts of the store.

---

Ed was having a lousy day. His team mates couldn’t take anything seriously! It was like pulling teeth to get them to study their playbook, and they were always flaking on plans to sneak out and party.

Football players admittedly did have it pretty good on campus. The coach always ended up talking to their teachers and magically they’d always get survivable grades on their electives and less important classes. Still, heaven forbid they learn something useful if an opposing tackle happened to land on your leg wrong and you suddenly need a real college degree.

Their Spanish teacher was throwing a Día de Muertos party that folks could show up to for extra credit. All they needed to do was to sign in at the front door and coach wouldn’t have to pull any strings for them to pass. Yet all they could think about was slacking off and checking out some new bar.

“Relax Teach, we’ll get by fine either way!” “Yeah, let us enjoy the weekend Ed!” “Come on Teach, loosen up a bit!”

Arg! Storming out of the locker room probably wasn’t the best move, but Ed had enough for one day. Seriously, “Teach”? He was one of the smarter guys on the team, but he wasn’t some dweeb.

Ed had hopped on the first bus he could before anyone decided to follow after him. He ended up on the North end of campus with half his athletic gear on. He wandered off the bus and looked up at the assorted group of shops.

Faux Pass Costumes? Huh, looked new. He did need an outfit for the party. He wandered inside and tried not to look too pissed off.

This shop was pretty nice! The costumes were surprisingly high quality. Even the shelving was well built. Most of these sorts of Halloween stores were as cost-cutting as possible. Ed started to idly browse the shelves looking for anything that caught his eye.

“Well hello there sonny! Anything I can help you find?” asked a voice from nearby.

Ed spun around. Standing behind him was an old man dressed like a wizard. He was holding onto a coat hanger and trying to get some outfit to balance on it properly.

“I’ll be with you in just a minute!” Oh, he must have been the clerk?

Ed backpedaled a bit and gave him some space. “Oh, I’m just browsing around.”

“Alright, just holler if you spot anything you like the look of!” The Shopkeeper smiled.

It was hard not to stare at the man. His blue robe was pretty impressive. It was also surprising the shop actually managed to get someone who looked so wizardly to work here.

Ed’s gaze shifted to the coat hanger he was futzing with. Its contents didn’t look very costume-y. It was just a pair of khakis and a white button down shirt. Resting in the pockets was a few pens and- Huh. A pair of broken glasses. They were the thick black frame type and were held together at the nose with some noticeable masking tape.

“What’s… that?” Ed pointed to the outfit.

The wizard glanced at the hanger, “Oh, just a trade-in I’m shelving.”

“What’s it supposed to be?” Ed tilted his head. The Shopkeeper spun the outfit around and let him see a pair of brown leather shoes that were dangling off the back.

“A nerd I think?” The Shopkeeper smiled. “Looks about your size? Want to try it on?”

He held out the hanger to Ed. He stared at the outfit for a moment. His team thought he was a dweeb? Screw it, might as well lean in.

“Sure,” Ed took the hanger. “Got somewhere I can change?”

---

Again, the changing rooms were surprisingly nice! Ed waved at his reflection in the mirror. He’d stormed out of practice and still had his Lakeside U practice jersey on. He thankfully was already out of his shoulder pads, but he did have a bit of his personal protective gear he needed to cast off. It wasn’t like him to let his temper get the better of him. He had stormed out with his cleats on and everything.

After a few minutes Ed had completely stripped down to his jockstrap. He pulled the khakis off of the costume’s hanger and was surprised to see a pair of tighty whites fall to the floor. His place was really thorough with their costumes, huh?

When in Rome. He found an empty hanger in the changing room and hung up his sweaty post-workout jockstrap. He stepped into the undies slowly in case the elastic didn’t stretch to fit him. Surprisingly enough, they really did fit him! Huh, nerds can be big guys too he guessed.

Ed picked up the khakis and slowly slid them on. Again, he was surprised to find they were a perfect fit. His big feet poked out the bottom of them as he pulled the pants up around his waist. The shoes were going to be the big problem here.

He sat down on the ottoman and pulled the leather loafers over to him. They had a nice fresh pair of white socks tucked into one of the shoes. This was so not going to work. They looked four sizes too small for him.

Ed peeled out of his black workout socks and took out one of the white socks. It stretched a bit, but his feet managed to slide fully inside. That was weird. There was no way his feet should fit into… Huh.

He pushed his feet into the loafers and were surprised to see his feet disappear fully within them. It was almost like an optical illusion. He laced them up and gave them a few good taps against the floor. They fit really well!

Man, maybe he was going to get some formal clothes out of all this. He picked up the white button-down shirt and slid it over his shoulders. The clerk must have had a good eye. Ed wasn’t surprised when it fit this time.

He was about to do the belt on the pants when he realized a nerd would probably have his shirt tucked in. He said goodbye to his abs and pulled the white material down underneath the khakis.

“Feels like I’m getting ready for church…” Ed mumbled to himself. He double-checked that the hanger was empty. Everything was in place.

Ed looked up in the mirror and realized he had forgotten one last piece. He reached down into the shirt pocket and pulled out the glasses. They felt fragile in his hands, but the tape was holding them together well enough. He slowly lowered them down onto his nose and did his best to balance them on his ears.

“Oh wow, looking nerdy there poindexter,” Ed laughed at his reflection. This was a fun lark to start with, but man, his friends better not see him like this.

Ed was about to head back into the costume shop, but he didn’t just want his jockstrap hanging there on display. He hung his athletic shorts over them and then decided he might as well just hang everything up. The plastic hanger strained a bit underneath his padding and cleats, but it seemed to be hanging in there.

He walked out of the changing room and found the clerk waiting nearby. “How do I look?”

The old man turned around. “Well I’ll be, you sir look like you’ve got a 4.0!”

“Pff, I wish.” Ed looked down at himself. “I feel a little uptight wearing all this.”

“You look a little uptight,” the wizard laughed.

“How much does all this cost?” Ed fished his wallet and phone out of his shorts.

“Hmm?” The clerk stepped forward. “I told you, it was a trade-in. Someone didn’t want to be a nerd anymore.”

“And…?” Ed blinked.

The old man reached out and took the hanger with Ed’s workout gear on it. “You done being a football player?”

He couldn’t be serious? The grin on his face looked genuine though. This was a weird shop.

“Uh… Sure?” Ed did the mental calculus of everything on the hanger. The most expensive thing was the padding. His cleats were worn out anyways.

“Pleasure doing business with you!” The old man held out his hand to shake.

Ed gave his usual firm handshake. After a second though it felt a little silly and he eased off into a much looser grip. Man, the shopkeeper wouldn’t let go! Ed’s usually tall posture shifted subtly into a small slouch as the old man finally gave him a grin and let go.

---

Ed left the store in a bit of a daze. Something about that place was really weird. He walked down the street looking at his new loafers. They really did fit him well.

He glanced up at the various shops on the north edge of campus. Loud bars, expensive cafes, and restaurants for people not smart enough to use a meal plan. He reflexively turned back to campus.

Ed took a slightly different path than usual. Typically he liked walking by sorority row on his way to practice. Now he was just taking the street with the quickest route to the student union. The party didn’t start for another hour or so. He had just enough time to grab something to eat.

He headed downstairs towards the cafeteria. The loud room made him wince for a second as he entered. Something just felt weird this afternoon. His usual post workout smoothie didn’t really sound appetizing right now. He found himself drifting over towards the campus’ short order grill. One cheat day wouldn’t hurt, right?

There was a long line of students waiting to get their order in. He marched across the floor to queued up behind them. Tucked away in the corner of the cafeteria was a surprisingly full table of students.

Ed couldn’t help but laugh. They were all legit nerds. Anime t-shirts, cans of energy drinks, and all sorts of geeky paraphernalia. Two of them were playing a board game game with honest to goodness twenty sided dice. Another was sketching animal people a notebook. The last three were in a lively debate about super heroes. How stereotypical could you get?

He wasn’t in the habit of eavesdropping, but given his current getup he might need a few nerdy lines to use at the party that evening. He listened a bit closer and found the geeks in the age old debate over which hero would win in a fight.

Ed snorted to himself. That was an easy one with a definitive answer.

To his surprise, he found himself getting out of line. He walked up to the table and cleared his throat.

“Umm, actually The Detective has a plan to take down every member of the Guild,” Ed grinned.

The nerds looked up at him. There was one guy with glasses, one short guy with a potbelly, and a girl with turquoise tipped hair. It was probably trying to be a low-key riff on that popular vocaloid.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” Ed waved. He turned to try and rescue his place in line when the big guy spoke up.

“Well yeah, but what if he doesn’t see it coming?” he asked.

“Are you kidding? The Detective always keeps his guard up.” Something must be in the air down here. Ed was sounding a little nasally.

“What happened to your glasses?” His fellow spectacles wearer asked.

“Oh!” Ed held them up. What would be a believable nerd story? “Ran into my locker.”

A small crook formed in his nose as he put them back on. Right, that’s why his breathing was a little screwed up lately.

“Youch. Did it cost too much to get ‘em fixed?” The glasses asked.

Ed shook his head, “My parents gave me some cash, but I kinda-sorta spent it preordering Galactic Invaders 6.”

All this glasses talk made him reflexively grab a handkerchief from his pocket and clean his glasses lenses. When Ed slipped them back on, the rest of the cafeteria beyond the edges of the glass suddenly looked a bit more blurry.

“They’re still making those games? I thought they stopped making them after four!” The girl laughed. She held out her hand, “I’m Lisa by the way.”

“Windsor!” The big guy gave him a wave.

“Trip,” the glasses guy tipped his frames. He gestured over his shoulders. “That’s Chuck, Larry, and Nick.”

“Oh, I’m Edward.” He waved to the group. Then he blinked. He hadn’t used his full name in ages.

“Nice to meet you Edward!” They all chimed in.

Edward felt himself get a little flush. He was usually pretty social, but suddenly all these introductions were getting him flustered. “Thanks everyone, I should really get back to-“

Chuck reached forward and pulled back his mountain of drawing supplies, “Sorry, we’ve got space!”

“Are… you guys like a club or something?” Edward tilted his head.

Their eyes all lit up at that.

“Oh yeah!” They all fought to get the explanation out. “We’re the board game anime competitive video game coding and art club!” “Meet every Thursday night!”

Edward blinked. They were an enthusiastic bunch.

“Oh wow. I’ll have to keep that in mind. I’m supposed to be going to that Día de Muertos party tonight though.” Edward said. Despite the injury to his nose, his Spanish pronunciation was suddenly a lot more practiced.

“What are you going as?” Windsor asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Edward looked down at himself.

Then he looked up at the crew. He was dressed a bit more dorky than they were, but they were all nearly on the same level. It was kind of insulting to dress up like them as a costume.

“Uh…?” Trip waited for an explanation.

“Oh! Err- I’m a huge The Detective fan. I’ve got a cape up in my dorm.” He laughed.

“Should have guessed! I’m going as The Red Burst this year,” Trip smiled. “Well, we’re always camped out here in the cafeteria studying. You know where to find us if you want to hang out.”

Chuck scooted over again to make room for him.

“We always have food to share too!” Windsor held up a half-finished basket of tater tots. Suddenly his diet was the furthest thing from Edward’s mind.

“Congratulations, you found the catch-all nerd club,” Lisa laughed.

The party wasn’t for another hour. This seemed like a real fun group of people. How had he never bumped into them before? He liked the idea of having a nice group of friends to study with. Something about that consistency really meshed well with him. Plus he’d never had anyone to talk this excitedly about comics before.

“I guess I’ve got some time to kill,” Edward grinned. He plopped down in the center of the table. He ended up taking a few of Windsor’s tater tots and greedy popping them in his mouth. Underneath his pressed shirt, his gut started to bulge out a bit.

“Atta boy!” Trip grinned. “Now then, we can both agree The Detective would get his ass beat in the cinematic universe, right?”

“Are you kidding me? He wouldn’t last twenty minutes!” Edward laughed. He felt his shoulders relax for the first time that day. He had truly found his people. “So, does your club have dues or anything?”

---

The Shopkeeper leaned back from his crystal ball. He had a huge grin on his face. “Well they seem happy.”

Ben barked in agreement. He wagged back and forth as he watched the images in the sphere. The wizard was usually pretty vague about whether or not people would be stuck as whatever they bought from the store. In this case however, everyone seemed nice and happy with their trade in.

There was just one thing that was bugging him.

“Arf arf, ruff ruff arf?” He barked curiously. Ben had started feeling self conscious about his longer sentences, but thankfully the old man’s translation spell picked things up. He was too curious about the logistics of the day. How had he pulled off that swap? “Woof?”

“Well that’s easy, I-“ The Shopkeeper blinked. That one had him stumped.

“Ho ho,” the Shopkeeper laughed. He adjusted the brim of his hat, “It seems both space and time can get a little wiggly in our shop.”

Off in the distance, the other Shopkeeper laughed in agreement. He had been taking advantage of the lull in traffic to sweep up the shop. The last few hours of Ben’s day has been a little surreal. Which was saying something given the week he’d had.

Ben gestured between the two of them, “Arf ruff?”

“I suppose this trick is taking up a lot of magic.” The Shopkeeper behind the counter smiled at the sweeping duplicate of himself. “Sorry good lookin’, time to dispel you!”

The Shopkeeper waved a glowing hand at the sweeping incarnation of himself. A moment later, the counter spell went off and the wizard next to Ben faded from view.

“Huh.” The sweeping Shopkeeper patted his chest. “I thought I was the illusion too.”