alright so first off
i appreciate the concern and well wishes yall are too kind
also apologies for causing any worry i’ve really been going through it
i really hate talking about depressing things so i end up going radio silent for way too long
but yeah just gonna ramble for a bit so i can explain some things

i’m not gonna get too specific about the details concerning my health problems but basically i’ve been dealing with depression, insomnia, heart issues, mental issues, etc for most of my adult life
with every passing year it just feels like things are getting more and more difficult to manage and i am only getting weaker and more broken and yadda yadda I’ve mentioned this stuff before

this year i did make some considerable progress regarding refunding people and finally getting some medication for my depression
however a few months ago i kinda hit my limit again and things fell apart
depression/insomnia got worse and i felt like i couldn’t draw for squat
after awhile i just couldn’t take it anymore and i felt ready to give up on art and myself

to be honest i’m still wary about taking commissions but i will say after some recent events i am feeling a little more hopeful in general
thanks to the efforts of a wonderful critter i was able to see a doctor who was very upfront about what was wrong with me and how to go about fixing some things
i’ve been struggling with heart problems on account of my Marfan syndrome so she prescribed some heart medication
she also diagnosed me with bipolar disorder (i wasn’t surprised) and put me on a different prescription for my depression/bpd
i’ve been on the meds for about a week now and so far it’s been good i think but i’m not gonna pretend that i am totally fine
i still feel like i could give up any day now but i have too many people who don’t want me to give up so i kinda owe it to them to keep trying for now

uhhh not much else to report
i’ve been trying draw stuff but i am feeling very rusty and discouraged
i saw the chainsaw man movie recently it was fuckin awesome
i also went to a reptile exhibit and it was really cool seeing all those cute little critters just vibing
here pretty soon i’m going back to Oklahoma to visit my old roommates and then house sit for them for a few months
i’m hoping to use that time to sit down and seriously practice art
i also want to get back into playing that switch fitness game

that’s pretty much it see ya

https://youtu.be/e1s0MwBEKhs?si=l5GyRXRiiQl9lzQA