Smarthomes are the biggest thing in high-income dwellings these days, and with the growing field of biomedical augmentations, or fleshcrafting, some of the richest households are stepping up their aid with the highly controversial "static retainers." Aurum had the opportunity to sit down with the "heads" of one of the biggest household names in the country.

AU: So, tell me a little about yourselves. Yourself?

Nani: Well, I'm Nani, and this is Sizhon-

Sizhon: I can introduce myself, thank you.

Nani: And you'll get your chance to! So, I started working at this estate about 3 years ago as the smarthome system of this lovely mansion with my partner Sizhon here. I love cooking, soap operas, chess, and playing with the family pets! I was a maid for 10 years before my augmentations, just as my mom was. Though, I don't think she would have ever been able to predict that the future would lead to, well, this.

AU: (laughs) No, I can imagine. And what about you?

Sizhon: I am Sizhon. I am a butler for 15 years before I was augmented, and I am a butler now. I take my job of serving very seriously. I've always been a bit of a people pleaser, and I rarely leave my masters unsatisfied.

Nani: (giggling) Yeah, I bet.

AU: (laughing) Alright, alright. So, I guess I can cut to the big question: What made you want to be reduced down to just a head in a vase?

Nani: Well, it really wasn't an easy decision. But, I heard that this was what the richest folk want in their household. If it's how I get a better job, then so be it. Besides, I'm not just a head in a vase. As you can see. (glances down at her chest, still attached to her vase.)

Sizhon: For me, it was a matter of it being almost required to remain at the top of my game. I want to be the best butler, and this was the next logical step to let me keep doing that. I would become optimized for my masters by becoming their entire household.

AU: I see. So, what can you do now that you couldn't as a bipedal butler?

Sizhon: Well, I can see into every room in the house at once, press a suit in one room while simultaneously getting the oven preheated for dinner across the estate. A normally butler couldn't be in two places at once. I can.

AU: Couldn't you have done that without being biologically reduced to what you are now?

Sizhon: Technically, yes, but I would need to remain stationary anyways. The technology that lets us connect to everything is quite enormous, and basically would require us to remain stationary in one dark, hot room all day every day. Besides being the easiest solution, I believe there's a sort of elegancy of becoming a bit of a household decoration at the same time. I think that's the appeal to those of such refined tastes as my masters.

Nani: Yeah, I think they like having a sort of "trophy maid". It always starts a conversation at dinner parties.

AU: I can imagine, yeah.

Sizhon: Honestly, I take pride in being the master's prized possession.

Nani: Though, you still have to compete with me.

Sizhon: Well, actually, that's the thing. Since we were both employed at the same time, our masters sort of see us as one entity. Sometimes, they just refer to us as "Home" or "The house". I'm not even certain our masters know our names.

Nani: I mean, not like they need to. It's not like they don't care, we're kind of family. It's just that it rarely comes up. Even when talking to our former bodies, they just refer to them as "maid" and "butler".

AU: That reminds me, most static retainers sell their former bodies to the fleshcrafter who made them. I understand your situation is a bit different?

Sizhon: Yeah, quite different. Our masters wanted us to have our former bodies retrofitted into biomechanical androids. We can sort of move them around, give them commands, but we don't actually feel through them like we would if they were still attached.

Nani: Yeah, it was a little weird getting used to watching my body move around without me. But after a while, I just kind of lost a sense of attachment to it. Like, it was no longer me you know? It kinda makes you think about, like, how personhood is more than just a body. I'm me, not the flesh puppet we pilot around.

AU: Has it taken some getting used to for your new lifestyles?

Nani: Oh, of course! Not in a bad way. I can actually do so much more than I ever thought I could. The only thing I can't really do is travel, but I get to see the world through my masters' phone.

Sizhon: Yes, we have connectivity through our masters' phones and can access their cameras at any time. Though, Nani does so a little more often then I think the masters' would like.

Nani: What, I want to see the world! I never would have had the money to travel myself, is it so wrong to want to go site-seeing through someone else's view?

Sizhon: But, yes, it did take some time to get used to. For the longest time, I felt like I both didn't have arms and had way too many arms, with all the robot appendages in the household. I couldn't feel any of my arms, but I knew they were there and could control them. The worst part was always at night, when things got quiet. It took a while for me to get used to sleeping in my vase. But, my masters were very accommodating.

AU: Do you two get along well?

Sizhon: Better than we used to.

Nani: Yeah, I used to really annoy Sizhon. I probably still do! (laughs) But, ultimately, as we got to know each other, we got better at it. Compromises had to be made here and there. Like, Sizhon hates my soaps, but I now get my time with the TV while he focuses on breakfast. Tunes it right out.

Sizhon: (Looking away) Yeah… That took some. Compromise.

AU: So, what all stayed with you when you were transferred to your vase?

Nani: Anything that wasn't necessary for being a maid! Namely my head, of course, my breasts, and my genitals. Sizhon's genitals are in here too. They're mostly kept hidden. Of course, that means that our former bodies were outfitted with artificial versions of those things.

AU: Mostly kept hidden? What do you mean by mostly?

Sizhon: Can we move on to something else?

AU: Of course, of course, my apologies. So, walk me through a typical day as a static retainer.

Nani: Well, first the masters get up, I bring the mistress an outfit based on what she has scheduled for the day, and Sizhon picks the master's clothes. Then, Sizhon start breakfast while I watch soaps with the mistress in the living room. From then until lunch, we clean the house, dusting, sweeping, cleaning, anything that needs to be done. We have remote access to the lawnmower and can move it around, so long as there is power and a remote connection. Sizhon usually handles the lawn work and remotely drives the master to work.

Sizhon: I also usually show him the daily stock prices in the morning as well. It's one of the perks of the TVs where my head used to be.

Nani: Right. Then, I usually start lunch for the mistress. I, of course, know all of their favorite foods, deadly allergies, weight goals, etc. Everything I need to make the perfect meal every time. Then, I babysit the youngest child while Sizhon tutors the oldest. The little one can be a handful sometimes, but I always do my best to protect them. I am sort of treated like a family pet to them, in a way. They like to play pretend, and I usually play along. It's cute. Then, I usually have dinner up by late afternoon, Sizhon orders anything that we need, and we all sit down to have a dinner with us as the centerpiece. Finally, I put the kids to sleep, turn off the lights, and play relaxing music for the master and mistress to help them relax. I wait until I know for sure that they're asleep before going to sleep myself. Thanks to their smart watches, I can see their exact heartrates and breathing patterns, so I know exactly when they're asleep. Sizhon and I can watch them all day, actually. We know just what to do to calm them down when they start getting frustrated or anxious.

AU: I see. So, you know everything about this family, huh?

Nani: Everything.

AU: What will you do if this static retainers thing turns out to be a fad? There's a very strong power structure here. Do you ever worry about being mistreated?

Sizhon: I trust that my masters. To even consider otherwise would be like a betrayal to them.

Nani: Besides, I think you grossly misunderstand who has the power here. All it would take would be for me to leave the gas oven on and turn off the-

Sizhon: Nani-

Nani: Right, right. Our masters would never hurt us, and I'm a little upset that you think otherwise (I couldn't help but to feel like every camera in the house turned to me at this comment).

AU: Well, I think that's about all the time we have for today. Thank you two so much for sitting down with me. This has been really helpful for getting into the minds of a static retainer!