FA+
Shop
Into the Void
by AlliBear
Traditional Artist
14 years ago
Giving two forces Innocence and Hate an animal interaction. Also my furry debut piece.
200
Views
5
Comments
0
Favorites
General
Rating
Category
Sub-Category
Species
Resolution
File Size
Poetry
Abstract
Canine (Other)
120 x 102
1.2 kB
Overall I think it is very good. Doesn't try to sound 'poetic' which usually ruins poetry and also doesn't give the sense of putting on airs.
I only have one minor problem with it, but it is hard to pin down. If I was pressed I would say it is either the structure or the rythm. Something seems to get interrupted along the course of the poem and it is (slightly) jarring. As an example, when I read the word 'trilling' it felt almost like hitting a bump in the road. Likewise a couple of the longer sentences gave a similar impression.
Again, poetry isn't really my thing, but that is my take.
and thank you, I agree with the occasional flow problem. When reading this aloud I often trip over the "Trilling" because it is sandwiched between all the 'S' alliteration. Thank you for your help, I will revise it a bit.
Thank you so much for the read! :D
For example there is the Haiku, which has the 5/7/5 pattern.
There is also the different rhyming schemes such as:
a, a, b, a / b, b, c, b
Basically it is the pattern, or form, that you write a poem to conform to. The one time I was required to do poetry our teacher told us that sticking to a form is a good way to start out a poem because it aids your thought process as a kind of road map, but after the rough draft is done you should feel free to abandon the form and let the poem do what it wants to do. Which is why I asked.
Anyway, glad the comment was useful.