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And just like that, may this be the last drawing I'll do for 2026. Abelit rough and disorganized: my goal was to be sincere with myself (as well as with my face).
Three colours. Three languages. Three main emotions.
- Red - Catalan - Madness
- Yellow - Spanish - Craze
- Blue - English - Hope.
RED
The year started rough. And it got rougher. It was all despite me being in what I consider some of my highest moments in life: coming to terms with my gender identity, finding friends I can very much call family, BEING and loving my blood family, passing with an outstanding mark one art-defining project that lead me to finish my studies and now out in the professional world... or at least professionally unprofessional.
But that didn't all the accumulated dread build and harass me all thoroughly, entering every crack I had from the anticipation and stress and bringing me down.
All summarized in that horrible day. Out of nowhere.
It felt like a disease. No one knows madness until you get INFECTED by it. I was a lost, stray rabid dog. And it influenced said comic, MEPSALR (Muerto el perro, se acabó la rabia). I didn't continue it ever since I sent it. But I have plans for its continuation and fixing.
I wasn't the same since though. Fumbling back and forth, feeling well then falling again - it was almost unbearable. Lost friends on the way, burdened others with my erratic ways. Nightmares, spite, hatred. But those who stayed, those who saw:
You're angels. And your aid will never be forgotten.
YELLOW
I went back up.
I actually worked hard again to tame this unpredictable animal that I saw in the mirror. I couldn't get rid of it, so might as well live with it. And I learnt how that thing staring back, all this experience, lead for my backbone, art, to be created.
It's true that I've been feeling insecure about it, though. I couldn't do art as easy for myself anymore as the studies still have impacted me. I may know more about composition, emotion, anatomy, dynamism, motion... but at the cost of being unable to bring my actual ideas to flourish without harsh judgement from myself that left plenty of unfinished projects and loose fish called great ideas. Fish that now hide deep into the ocean of my mind.
But they said to me: I am still very, very young. I must work and draw to archieve my dreams, sure thing, I cannot slack off - but neither I should force myself until burnout.
BLUE
What feeds art is our experience, our real life. Fish after all are not found in the bathtub: they're found outside in lakes. So I allowed myself to risk a bit, and leave my home for almost two months until the 14th of January. In the country of my family. Figure where.
It was eye opening so far. My work was set aside for a bit in order to take in this new enviroment. To blend in and learn the culture, the food, the words... and the birds. Art was originally just a hobby, but now being so grandiose to my life I needed something more relaxed. Hearing quakers screech and Kiskadees sing brought me a perfect idea.
Birdwatching. Keeps my brain stimulated outside the brainrotting and doomsday content from the internet. I have uninstalled tiktok and instagram long ago. I went to this website and Bluesky instead, as they are less overstimulating.
Now choosing what I do and being more conscious about the content I consume, I found solace within. Or at least... the seeds for it are clearly there. I have yet a LOT to deal with mentally, this war isn't over. I am still edgy, still angsty, rebellious. Explicit, provocative but also emotional, brave but also a coward. And the world around adds to the mess. I want to go against it.
But how?
It's simple:
There's nothing more rebellious than being hopeful in a hopeless society.
Hope is Punk.
That phrase stuck with me deeply. Comes from a video from a youtuber I highly recommend watching: https://youtu.be/bIBUGQ0aYnc?si=C_wzh4k6c8ONkThf
That's all for now. Thank you for those who joined me now, for those who enjoy my work - and to my close circle. My friends. My family. My love. My parrots, whom I miss a lot. I can't wait to see everyone again. <3
Happy new year folks :,]
Three colours. Three languages. Three main emotions.
- Red - Catalan - Madness
- Yellow - Spanish - Craze
- Blue - English - Hope.
RED
The year started rough. And it got rougher. It was all despite me being in what I consider some of my highest moments in life: coming to terms with my gender identity, finding friends I can very much call family, BEING and loving my blood family, passing with an outstanding mark one art-defining project that lead me to finish my studies and now out in the professional world... or at least professionally unprofessional.
But that didn't all the accumulated dread build and harass me all thoroughly, entering every crack I had from the anticipation and stress and bringing me down.
All summarized in that horrible day. Out of nowhere.
It felt like a disease. No one knows madness until you get INFECTED by it. I was a lost, stray rabid dog. And it influenced said comic, MEPSALR (Muerto el perro, se acabó la rabia). I didn't continue it ever since I sent it. But I have plans for its continuation and fixing.
I wasn't the same since though. Fumbling back and forth, feeling well then falling again - it was almost unbearable. Lost friends on the way, burdened others with my erratic ways. Nightmares, spite, hatred. But those who stayed, those who saw:
You're angels. And your aid will never be forgotten.
YELLOW
I went back up.
I actually worked hard again to tame this unpredictable animal that I saw in the mirror. I couldn't get rid of it, so might as well live with it. And I learnt how that thing staring back, all this experience, lead for my backbone, art, to be created.
It's true that I've been feeling insecure about it, though. I couldn't do art as easy for myself anymore as the studies still have impacted me. I may know more about composition, emotion, anatomy, dynamism, motion... but at the cost of being unable to bring my actual ideas to flourish without harsh judgement from myself that left plenty of unfinished projects and loose fish called great ideas. Fish that now hide deep into the ocean of my mind.
But they said to me: I am still very, very young. I must work and draw to archieve my dreams, sure thing, I cannot slack off - but neither I should force myself until burnout.
BLUE
What feeds art is our experience, our real life. Fish after all are not found in the bathtub: they're found outside in lakes. So I allowed myself to risk a bit, and leave my home for almost two months until the 14th of January. In the country of my family. Figure where.
It was eye opening so far. My work was set aside for a bit in order to take in this new enviroment. To blend in and learn the culture, the food, the words... and the birds. Art was originally just a hobby, but now being so grandiose to my life I needed something more relaxed. Hearing quakers screech and Kiskadees sing brought me a perfect idea.
Birdwatching. Keeps my brain stimulated outside the brainrotting and doomsday content from the internet. I have uninstalled tiktok and instagram long ago. I went to this website and Bluesky instead, as they are less overstimulating.
Now choosing what I do and being more conscious about the content I consume, I found solace within. Or at least... the seeds for it are clearly there. I have yet a LOT to deal with mentally, this war isn't over. I am still edgy, still angsty, rebellious. Explicit, provocative but also emotional, brave but also a coward. And the world around adds to the mess. I want to go against it.
But how?
It's simple:
There's nothing more rebellious than being hopeful in a hopeless society.
Hope is Punk.
That phrase stuck with me deeply. Comes from a video from a youtuber I highly recommend watching: https://youtu.be/bIBUGQ0aYnc?si=C_wzh4k6c8ONkThf
That's all for now. Thank you for those who joined me now, for those who enjoy my work - and to my close circle. My friends. My family. My love. My parrots, whom I miss a lot. I can't wait to see everyone again. <3
Happy new year folks :,]
Category Artwork (Digital) / Portraits
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1629 x 2262px
File Size 5.26 MB
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