i feel so conflicted about finally finding happiness in such horrible times.
I can say, right now, i am truly happy. sure things dont always go my way or my friend cant always hang out with me or my dad sometimes nags to me and i cant really remember things but thats just what life is, i am happy now.
in fact, i think this is the first time i feel happy. i feel normal. ive never felt "happy" before. not even when i was a child.
But now that i finally feel this joy so many horrible things are happening.... and so many other people talk about being sad and depressed and so incredibly angry, and i dont know what to say. ive felt that exact way just a few months ago, hopeless to my core, and it would be rude for me to say: "it gets better"; because i dont know when or if it even does get better for them. i am so lucky to have found happiness so quickly (even if i had to wait years and suffering to get it). and then i also think is it to early to say ive found happiness? im young, obviously im happy. but ive suffered a lot, especially before this, and i think im allowed to say ive found happiness, finally. but i know it gets worse every time you grow up. what if it gets all bad again and i regret my words now? what if it gets better and then it gets worse, forever?
i see other people talk about their suffering and i wonder if they think im suffering too. i am not, i feel fine.
anyways it doesnt completely go away. i know someday that dark pit that consumed my life for months could come back. but i want myself and other people to know that it gets better. itll get better, i promise
i love you