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Pinecone and Mulch REDESIGN!!
Self indulgent dump about identity incomingggg
A long long time ago I drew myself as a deer, before I knew what furries even were
I felt like a prey animal because of the toxic friendships I was in at the time, and my psoriasis was leaving me pocked and dotted, so it was like... a nice way to portray having spots (plus I have freckles anyway)
Tried on grey tabby for a minute
Officially joined FA as a red squirrel
and that was fine for a while, it was functional, red was never really my color but I wanted to honor nature? I guess?? And have the colors be realistic?
But then I met some other people with plurality who had different fursonas for each of their alters
and that blew my mind
because like
we've both looked like the same person all our lives, so every time I've drawn us, the distinction had just been body language and clothing choice
I did this piece in 2022, and it was the first time I actually depicted us with the synesthesia colors the personalities kind of... exude?
https://www.deviantart.com/caffinat.....-Out-940095111
And since then I've gone on a little gender journey too and there's definitely some nonbinary in there somewhere
But like... now, without the constraint of the human form, we're kind of allowed to choose what we look like? From scratch?? And to hell with natural colors and species that exist, what happens when we just...? Dig in and find what feels good?
And so we sat together and took turns and collaborated and workshopped
poured together all our favorite design elements paired with our core colors
and now I have two designs that strangely reflect sorty of who I am on a fundamental level? Which is a real treat to see
this is mostly for us lol I don't think anyone actually cares
D: (Mulch)
This drawing by Neon Dragon Peffer changed my fucking brain chemistry in my tweens:
https://ru.pinterest.com/pin/417005246771562508/
"a deer with carp scales who grants luck to the just" with one antler like a unicorn horn
I just really liked that creature, it struck a chord for some reason
so we kinda did that but with a dragon? Is it a dragon?? who knows
who cares
it's us, look at that
The porcupine beaver was a cool idea but every time we drew the mammal-shaped face it just didn't feel right
Quiet reptilian side-eye is much more my style
L: (Pinecone)
And I got to keep being a squirrel!! And I can finally break out of the deep earthy colors and get into the more cottagecore-style meadowy pastels I've grown to love
cheers to unlearning all the ick we felt for femininity in high school
It's helpful to split up into distinct pieces so we seem less like one contradicting, confusing whole
D: it's shocking how satisfying it is to see myself more nonbinary than meat allows
I understand why people have fursonas now
L: We knew they'd come around, huh? <chanting> one of us, one of us
D: it's also really new to not have to share a voice for once
like what do you mean we can both type
We haven't had much control over who is fronting like... ever
but this is? working?? I think?
L: Maybe we just caught ourselves on a good day
D: Maybe sometimes it feels like pretend and that we're both crazy
but other days it's the truest thing I know about this puzzling ever-changing self
We are two and that's okay
A long long time ago I drew myself as a deer, before I knew what furries even were
I felt like a prey animal because of the toxic friendships I was in at the time, and my psoriasis was leaving me pocked and dotted, so it was like... a nice way to portray having spots (plus I have freckles anyway)
Tried on grey tabby for a minute
Officially joined FA as a red squirrel
and that was fine for a while, it was functional, red was never really my color but I wanted to honor nature? I guess?? And have the colors be realistic?
But then I met some other people with plurality who had different fursonas for each of their alters
and that blew my mind
because like
we've both looked like the same person all our lives, so every time I've drawn us, the distinction had just been body language and clothing choice
I did this piece in 2022, and it was the first time I actually depicted us with the synesthesia colors the personalities kind of... exude?
https://www.deviantart.com/caffinat.....-Out-940095111
And since then I've gone on a little gender journey too and there's definitely some nonbinary in there somewhere
But like... now, without the constraint of the human form, we're kind of allowed to choose what we look like? From scratch?? And to hell with natural colors and species that exist, what happens when we just...? Dig in and find what feels good?
And so we sat together and took turns and collaborated and workshopped
poured together all our favorite design elements paired with our core colors
and now I have two designs that strangely reflect sorty of who I am on a fundamental level? Which is a real treat to see
this is mostly for us lol I don't think anyone actually cares
D: (Mulch)
This drawing by Neon Dragon Peffer changed my fucking brain chemistry in my tweens:
https://ru.pinterest.com/pin/417005246771562508/
"a deer with carp scales who grants luck to the just" with one antler like a unicorn horn
I just really liked that creature, it struck a chord for some reason
so we kinda did that but with a dragon? Is it a dragon?? who knows
who cares
it's us, look at that
The porcupine beaver was a cool idea but every time we drew the mammal-shaped face it just didn't feel right
Quiet reptilian side-eye is much more my style
L: (Pinecone)
And I got to keep being a squirrel!! And I can finally break out of the deep earthy colors and get into the more cottagecore-style meadowy pastels I've grown to love
cheers to unlearning all the ick we felt for femininity in high school
It's helpful to split up into distinct pieces so we seem less like one contradicting, confusing whole
D: it's shocking how satisfying it is to see myself more nonbinary than meat allows
I understand why people have fursonas now
L: We knew they'd come around, huh? <chanting> one of us, one of us
D: it's also really new to not have to share a voice for once
like what do you mean we can both type
We haven't had much control over who is fronting like... ever
but this is? working?? I think?
L: Maybe we just caught ourselves on a good day
D: Maybe sometimes it feels like pretend and that we're both crazy
but other days it's the truest thing I know about this puzzling ever-changing self
We are two and that's okay
Category Artwork (Digital) / Portraits
Species Squirrel
Size 1820 x 2024px
File Size 614.1 kB
Listed in Folders
These designs are pretty stinkin cute. Love the spots and I totally vibe with Mulch's design. I kinda get where you're coming from too. I dunno if I would say I'm plural, persay. My various forms, namely my bunny and Nox, exist in separate forms largely to capture different parts of myself and my gender identity, which is why they still share some design philosophy. It's fun though, to not just restrict yourself to one form. Express yourself (or selves) freely. I think sometimes about how you said to me a few months ago that my bun and yeen seem like headmates. They kinda are. They're so distinct from each other. And at first I was kinda like, well, my yeen basically represents all of my feelings of masculinity, and my bun all my feelings of femininity. That's not even always true though. Sometimes my bun wants to me a bit masc, but even still he/she tends to be a cute lil femboy/girl. Fr sometimes some days I do totally feel like my yeen and then others I'm all bun... And then there's days I feel like something else entirely. Exploring identity is fun.
Anyways. Sorry to ramble. Just saying I totally vibe with the post. :3
Anyways. Sorry to ramble. Just saying I totally vibe with the post. :3
Ooo very nice love ghe designs. My first was a wolf and she is still technically my fursona but I made her into more off her own character. Recently I decided to gove with a hybrid/chimera to better suit me as a person. Its a wolf bunny deer and goat. Need to get a ref but thats not anytime soon
Both of these designs are so heckin cute!! Congrats on more steps of your self discovery!! The 11th Doctor has a quote that I always think about in regards to all our journeys, "“We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s OK, that’s good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.”
YOOO I have so much to say omg
Okay first of all, YOO PSORIASIS REP. I don't have it, in my family it skips a generation, but my mum has it severely. She was studied a lot as a kid because she had pretty much every type you could have and despite the struggles she's faced despite it, the appearance of it has always been something I've actually found super comforting because that's my mummy!!! Fuck yeah!!! It's funny how social stigmas get completely destroyed if you just normalize something in your life :0c
As for plurality and feeling like playing pretend sometimes, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a singlet who has been in psychology for...god since I was 11 lol. But pretty much humans, even without DID, do have some level of seperate personalities. This isn't to disregard any diagnosis, the point is there is no need to worry about it because no matter what, humans are all plural to a degree, just depends at what severity :) so you can't be incorrect or crazy, human brains just...kinda work that way haha. Just a lot of people aren't aware or lack trauma that makes it more apparent :0c
Okay first of all, YOO PSORIASIS REP. I don't have it, in my family it skips a generation, but my mum has it severely. She was studied a lot as a kid because she had pretty much every type you could have and despite the struggles she's faced despite it, the appearance of it has always been something I've actually found super comforting because that's my mummy!!! Fuck yeah!!! It's funny how social stigmas get completely destroyed if you just normalize something in your life :0c
As for plurality and feeling like playing pretend sometimes, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm a singlet who has been in psychology for...god since I was 11 lol. But pretty much humans, even without DID, do have some level of seperate personalities. This isn't to disregard any diagnosis, the point is there is no need to worry about it because no matter what, humans are all plural to a degree, just depends at what severity :) so you can't be incorrect or crazy, human brains just...kinda work that way haha. Just a lot of people aren't aware or lack trauma that makes it more apparent :0c
YOOOOOOOOOOO
Yeah I don't meet people with psoriasis very often, and especially not the kind I have
I usually see it in thick patches on elbows and knees, but mine are in dots and rings all over my body
or it was, before I finally got put on a medicine that works lmao
Kids at school used to say it was ringworm or chicken pocks and everyone would go AAAA DISEASE!! DISEASED!! and then I'd go actually it's not courageous and they'd go oh okay
One time I was working at the cafe and a guy had the patches on his arms and I saif hey I have psoriasis too! And he looked at me and said - _- that's not something to be proud of
like jesus fuck man, you GOOD?
Aw ; v; good old mama
does she have the ring kind too? :0
I've never met anyone else with the ring kind
About plurality, that's actually lovely to hear because I sort of knew in my heart of hearts that everything is a spectrum and nothing truly "is" or "isn't" anything, but some grey area combination of nuance and confusion
which is why I like talking to the plural community and people who are interested in it
That's actually one of the reasons it took me so long to find the plural community, I wasn't traumatized into splitting lmao I thought that was a prerequisite
Yeah I don't meet people with psoriasis very often, and especially not the kind I have
I usually see it in thick patches on elbows and knees, but mine are in dots and rings all over my body
or it was, before I finally got put on a medicine that works lmao
Kids at school used to say it was ringworm or chicken pocks and everyone would go AAAA DISEASE!! DISEASED!! and then I'd go actually it's not courageous and they'd go oh okay
One time I was working at the cafe and a guy had the patches on his arms and I saif hey I have psoriasis too! And he looked at me and said - _- that's not something to be proud of
like jesus fuck man, you GOOD?
Aw ; v; good old mama
does she have the ring kind too? :0
I've never met anyone else with the ring kind
About plurality, that's actually lovely to hear because I sort of knew in my heart of hearts that everything is a spectrum and nothing truly "is" or "isn't" anything, but some grey area combination of nuance and confusion
which is why I like talking to the plural community and people who are interested in it
That's actually one of the reasons it took me so long to find the plural community, I wasn't traumatized into splitting lmao I thought that was a prerequisite
Oh man, that poor dude definitely had some internalised issues. Of course something like psoriasis is to be proud of! It's certainly never someones fault they have it, and it's also certainly not something always easy to have. Unfortunately a lot of people believe it can be fixed with diet, or better hygiene, or what ever the fuck. My mum spent her entire childhood having her food and other intakes judged and controlled, made worse by the fact she's always been over weight. Turned out the only thing that helped her was the right medication as well, partly because what actually causes flare ups is mostly stress, something hard to avoid by simply ya know, existing lol.
I'll also ask her tomorrow when I see her >:D
Also omg okay so funny thing is I've talked to MULTIPLE people about the feeling of not having DID but certainly not feeling...single. Like you were stuck in the middle. It took into last year with my psychologist to figure out why. Yeah just turns out our brain kinda doES that. I've been taught to communicate and have conversations with the child me because part of my personality and experience got trapped in the past due to trauma, but I've also had times where I've felt a distinct difference between me and almost a more mature, older version of myself. With DID these two parts often become what is called a little and a caretaker, but because I have trauma yet didn’t have it intensely enough at a young enough age, those parts became distinct yet not split. It's odd to explain, just a thing a lot of mentally ill people experience yet don't quite have the words for x3
I personally don't call myself plural, but that's down to complete choice of labels, just as one might prefer one queer label over another. But I certainly would not be coping as well as I have been if it hadn't been for my psychologist teaching me how to talk to my younger self and when that happens, especially in times of high stress, we are certainly two different people.
All very complicated but very cool owo)b
I'll also ask her tomorrow when I see her >:D
Also omg okay so funny thing is I've talked to MULTIPLE people about the feeling of not having DID but certainly not feeling...single. Like you were stuck in the middle. It took into last year with my psychologist to figure out why. Yeah just turns out our brain kinda doES that. I've been taught to communicate and have conversations with the child me because part of my personality and experience got trapped in the past due to trauma, but I've also had times where I've felt a distinct difference between me and almost a more mature, older version of myself. With DID these two parts often become what is called a little and a caretaker, but because I have trauma yet didn’t have it intensely enough at a young enough age, those parts became distinct yet not split. It's odd to explain, just a thing a lot of mentally ill people experience yet don't quite have the words for x3
I personally don't call myself plural, but that's down to complete choice of labels, just as one might prefer one queer label over another. But I certainly would not be coping as well as I have been if it hadn't been for my psychologist teaching me how to talk to my younger self and when that happens, especially in times of high stress, we are certainly two different people.
All very complicated but very cool owo)b
I mean it's definitely a skin disorder, like it's not awesome
so it is a little weird to be proud of it I suppose, like I'm not about to start a fan group for it
but it's like
you're allowed to find community where you can yknow
Yeah I did my time with the homeopathic treatments
gluten free, dairy free, fish oil, UV light lamps, ointments, steroids, it's been a long 12 years
but yeah finally they were like okay FINE we'll give you some real medicine
and it worked okay, it kept it from getting worse but it didn't make it better
then after I turned 23 they were like yo why are you still using the medicine for children we have adult medicine that actually works lmao you were supposed to switch to this when you turned 18 why didn't you do that thing nobody told you about
I'm gonna smite the american medical system with a beam of light I swear to christ
I tip my hat to your mother and her very likely similar struggles
Have you heard of Internal Family Systems?
It's like what you're talking about but without the complete takeover like in DID
you can just kind of coexist and talk to each other in there
I learned this term last summer, might be worth looking into
so it is a little weird to be proud of it I suppose, like I'm not about to start a fan group for it
but it's like
you're allowed to find community where you can yknow
Yeah I did my time with the homeopathic treatments
gluten free, dairy free, fish oil, UV light lamps, ointments, steroids, it's been a long 12 years
but yeah finally they were like okay FINE we'll give you some real medicine
and it worked okay, it kept it from getting worse but it didn't make it better
then after I turned 23 they were like yo why are you still using the medicine for children we have adult medicine that actually works lmao you were supposed to switch to this when you turned 18 why didn't you do that thing nobody told you about
I'm gonna smite the american medical system with a beam of light I swear to christ
I tip my hat to your mother and her very likely similar struggles
Have you heard of Internal Family Systems?
It's like what you're talking about but without the complete takeover like in DID
you can just kind of coexist and talk to each other in there
I learned this term last summer, might be worth looking into
Mulch is the most nonbinary name I've heard in my life.
I don't really know much about plurality type stuff, though I have a few friends who experience it. My general vibe is confused but supportive, but I do know that after reading the DA post where you drew Lint and Dirt together and reading the description vs this one I'm glad that you seem to have both of... you.... here.
Obviously no clue how to word the specifics of the sentiment, but I'm glad you have yourself/eachother again, I can't imagine the strain of losing yourself/someone so close and integral to your day to day life and general existence.
Wow the wording is confusing to try to make sure I don't misstep somehow
I don't really know much about plurality type stuff, though I have a few friends who experience it. My general vibe is confused but supportive, but I do know that after reading the DA post where you drew Lint and Dirt together and reading the description vs this one I'm glad that you seem to have both of... you.... here.
Obviously no clue how to word the specifics of the sentiment, but I'm glad you have yourself/eachother again, I can't imagine the strain of losing yourself/someone so close and integral to your day to day life and general existence.
Wow the wording is confusing to try to make sure I don't misstep somehow
HA yeah I think I stole it from somebody but I can't remember who
Mulch apparently lmao
Yeah Dirt didn't take to being a furry as readily but since we've been spending so much time in the space (because it's our fulltime job now) we figured it was time to have a fursonaaaaa
no you're doing great! Don't worry about it, I'm not gonna cancel you lmao
people are so trigger happy with the cancelling these days, if you're leading with compassion you shouldn't have to be scared
smh when will society heal
I appreciate the sentiment
not many people on here followed me on DeviantART first, I'm happy you're here
thank you for tuning into my bizarre adventures lmao
Mulch apparently lmao
Yeah Dirt didn't take to being a furry as readily but since we've been spending so much time in the space (because it's our fulltime job now) we figured it was time to have a fursonaaaaa
no you're doing great! Don't worry about it, I'm not gonna cancel you lmao
people are so trigger happy with the cancelling these days, if you're leading with compassion you shouldn't have to be scared
smh when will society heal
I appreciate the sentiment
not many people on here followed me on DeviantART first, I'm happy you're here
thank you for tuning into my bizarre adventures lmao
Of course, few artists I know are so likeable and personable while having such a delightful style with so much personality of its own. Plus you draw weird stuff I wouldn't usually consume without it ever being too far, so it's a fun little pushing of my sensibilities to help desensitize and inform when it isn't my taste, and utterly delightful when it is.
AW ASDJHFKS STOOOP //^ v^//
Hey alright nice!! I actually am so happy to hear that, because that's kinda where I am with it too, like I'm not gonna draw anything that makes me genuinely uncomfortable, and so I feel like a lot of what I'm putting out falls into that strange space of "safe but unusual" and that's definitely my happy place
I honestly wish I had literally any kinks so I could specialize in something I'm actually interested in, but yknow... jack of all trades has its own merits I suppose
definitely keeps me on my toes, artistically
Hey alright nice!! I actually am so happy to hear that, because that's kinda where I am with it too, like I'm not gonna draw anything that makes me genuinely uncomfortable, and so I feel like a lot of what I'm putting out falls into that strange space of "safe but unusual" and that's definitely my happy place
I honestly wish I had literally any kinks so I could specialize in something I'm actually interested in, but yknow... jack of all trades has its own merits I suppose
definitely keeps me on my toes, artistically
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