
With grim determination, Tharoc forced himself to take another step into the vast, open plains. Every stride brought him further from the only home he had ever known. The familiar snow-capped mountains lay several miles behind him, but he never turned to gaze upon them. He didn't have to. He knew he couldn't go back.
It had been only hours since the high council had declared him 'Krutak,' or 'outcast' in the common tongue. The wizened, ancient dragons had tolerated little debate on the matter. Shortly after the council's decision, Tharoc had been led to the lower caverns, where he had been ceremoniously bathed in dragon fire. His scales, once gleaming silver, now bore a dull metallic green; he was tarnished beyond recognition. Nevertheless, as painful as the ritual had been, his greatest anguish had come when he had faced his mother.
Though her face was scraped and bruised from the attack, Shaela’s tears had only been for him. Hers had been the sole voice of protest at the high council’s court, while the anger and grief of the clutch mothers had won the ancients’ favor. He had been permitted to meet with his mother for only a brief moment, just long enough for her to press his father’s sword into his hands and to clasp Gilean’s pendant about his neck. His final words to her had been a solemn oath to redeem himself.
He was a murderer. Not by choice, but a murderer nonetheless. The young hatchlings, his clutchmates, his privilege and responsibility, now lay dead by his own doing. It had been terrible accident, some would say, but he bore full responsibility for their deaths. In his desperate attempt to free them during the attack, he had instead killed them along with their attackers.
Now he bore a debt that he knew not how to pay. He only knew that he had to find a way to atone for his crime.
A single tear fell from his blind eyes as he pressed forward toward the unknown.
It had been only hours since the high council had declared him 'Krutak,' or 'outcast' in the common tongue. The wizened, ancient dragons had tolerated little debate on the matter. Shortly after the council's decision, Tharoc had been led to the lower caverns, where he had been ceremoniously bathed in dragon fire. His scales, once gleaming silver, now bore a dull metallic green; he was tarnished beyond recognition. Nevertheless, as painful as the ritual had been, his greatest anguish had come when he had faced his mother.
Though her face was scraped and bruised from the attack, Shaela’s tears had only been for him. Hers had been the sole voice of protest at the high council’s court, while the anger and grief of the clutch mothers had won the ancients’ favor. He had been permitted to meet with his mother for only a brief moment, just long enough for her to press his father’s sword into his hands and to clasp Gilean’s pendant about his neck. His final words to her had been a solemn oath to redeem himself.
He was a murderer. Not by choice, but a murderer nonetheless. The young hatchlings, his clutchmates, his privilege and responsibility, now lay dead by his own doing. It had been terrible accident, some would say, but he bore full responsibility for their deaths. In his desperate attempt to free them during the attack, he had instead killed them along with their attackers.
Now he bore a debt that he knew not how to pay. He only knew that he had to find a way to atone for his crime.
A single tear fell from his blind eyes as he pressed forward toward the unknown.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Portraits
Species Western Dragon
Size 612 x 800px
File Size 128.5 kB
Even though it's a small sample, it does get the job done. He's introduced well and the detail is very descriptive.
I am curious what your thoughts might be on this tidbit of wisdom I have picked up from a book on writing, it advises that backstory is inadvisable before the character and story are introduced, now I don't know quite if that fits like what you're doing here and what I do sometimes, I suppose that the tale of his banishment could be considered backstory, but of course no one starts the story at the beginning of the character's life, not really, so maybe they mean something else? To me this all fits in as introduction of the character and setting, rather than 'backstory'.
Just wondering what you think.
Otherwise, I think it's nicely put together. So if I understand this right, he started out silver, and then became kermitized by dragon fire? (Yes, that's a word now!)
I am curious what your thoughts might be on this tidbit of wisdom I have picked up from a book on writing, it advises that backstory is inadvisable before the character and story are introduced, now I don't know quite if that fits like what you're doing here and what I do sometimes, I suppose that the tale of his banishment could be considered backstory, but of course no one starts the story at the beginning of the character's life, not really, so maybe they mean something else? To me this all fits in as introduction of the character and setting, rather than 'backstory'.
Just wondering what you think.
Otherwise, I think it's nicely put together. So if I understand this right, he started out silver, and then became kermitized by dragon fire? (Yes, that's a word now!)
I have heard the same from a published author, Lauren--preceding the actual story with explanatory back story is less effective than simply diving into the action itself. I am inclined to agree--it is very important to grab your audience during the first few paragraphs instead of dragging them through a chapter or two of history before the real action begins.
The truth is, however, I wrote the back story for Tharoc many many years ago (it can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1269083 ). Perhaps that back story is more for my own reference than anything else, and what I have here is the actual story's beginning. I've had this story in mind for a number of years now, hopefully some day to write out the whole thing and tell Tharoc's adventures.
Yes, he started out as a silver. His father was human, and his mother was a true silver dragon, who was transformed into a human so that they could marry.
The truth is, however, I wrote the back story for Tharoc many many years ago (it can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1269083 ). Perhaps that back story is more for my own reference than anything else, and what I have here is the actual story's beginning. I've had this story in mind for a number of years now, hopefully some day to write out the whole thing and tell Tharoc's adventures.
Yes, he started out as a silver. His father was human, and his mother was a true silver dragon, who was transformed into a human so that they could marry.
A chapter or two of course, though even though I have about a paragraph or two of it, I am trying to do what the book advises and find another way to get the information across, though dialogue or actions or interior monologue/emotion. The book has taught me a lot, though it confused me quite a lot too! Nevertheless, I like it!
Writing is rather complex, it's a lot more detail oriented than I think most people figure. ;)
Writing is rather complex, it's a lot more detail oriented than I think most people figure. ;)
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