This is a fragmentary piece, which mostly comes from some lingering Midlife Crisis Angst®. In broad generalities, it draws inspiration from the way that many people, especially when they reach a certain age, sometimes find themselves unhealthily dwelling on past regrets. Often, a big part of this includes agonising over mistakes, missed and/or fumbled opportunities, and running (ultimately futile) “what-if” scenarios over and over in one’s head. Even worse is that we (usually) know better. All those clichés about: “What’s done is done,” and Momma’s favourite stalwart: “Should’ves are the shits.”

Other than such broad generalities that (hopefully) might resonate with a certain percentage of folks, when it comes to personal experience, in the end, I can only really speak for myself. Hence, the parts of my own experience that have made it into this piece are all the times I’ve found myself as the subject of backhanded compliments, and/or damning with faint praise. Beyond those few examples from my own past, there are also other, far-more-generic examples from other sources.

The larger theme of “Damning With Faint Praise,” and how it often has partial or total overlap with the concept of the “Backhanded Compliment”, is actually a very old idea. One of the earliest references I can find, which explicitly mentions (and defines) the concept comes from a 1734 epistolary poem by Alexander Pope, which I have quoted a small segment from below:

Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
And without sneering, teach the rest to sneer;
Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike,
Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.

— From "Epistle to Dr. Arbuthnot" (1734)