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"As your new District Attorney, I promise to uphold the Queen's justice!" swore Harvey Riverstone, determined otter in a spiffy suit. He was speaking in front of an audience of somewhat interested citizens and a battery of journalists brandishing microphones and cameras. "And I promise to go after organized crime and so-called supervillains with unflagging energy! No longer will the good people of Almasi City be victimized by cruel bullies like the Red King Gang or the threatening menace 5-Kay Newt!"
The speech went off as a major success. The journalists walked away with many soundbites to sink their teeth into and the citizens clapped and then wandered off to watch a superhero suffer a wardrobe malfunction. Afterward, Harvey's campaign manager moose patted him on the shoulder, nearly buckling the otter to the ground.
"Great speech, Harv, great speech! The people love it when you get tough!"
Harvey straightened his tie. "It's not just tough talk. I mean every word of it. I'm going to do what my predecessors, heroes like Amphibi-Us, and our 'super' mayor couldn't and finally clean up this town! But that's work for tomorrow. For the rest of the day, the only thing on my itinerary is to spend some time with my lovely wife!"
"Lovely indeed, a real beaut. You're a lucky man, Harv." The campaign manager bent to pat him on the shoulder again but the otter slipped into an elevator to avoid the weight of his approval.
--
It was a long car ride from the dense city center to the opulent suburb where Harvey Riverstone’s beautiful house and beautiful spouse waited. She was waiting by the front door for him, along with their two beautiful children.
The otter was simply living his best life, at home and in his career!
Parking, he noted with interest the moving van parked next door. His neighbor had moved at the start of his campaign and even though he’d had a buyer lined up, it apparently took some time for the deal to go through.
Harvey left his car, dipped his wife to give her a big kiss, and then tousled the hair of his children.
“You were marvelous on television, hon!” said Mrs Riverstone.
“What’s marvelous is being back at home!” he said, kissing her again.
“What’s also marvelous is our new neighbor. You’ve got to meet her!” the Mrs looked over Harvey’s shoulder. “Oh, there she is!”
“Howdy do, new neighborino!” The new neighbor towered over the hedge separating the property. She was a red-headed, friendly seeming shark in a green sweater. But despite the wholesome neighbor outfit, Harvey recognized her immediately.
“5-Kay-” he gasped.
She cut him off. “Oooof. I hate for your first impression of me to be a ‘Nelly Nitpicker’ but its pronounced Kaytherine. The Y is silent!”
“Newt!” he finished.
“Newton!” she corrected with a friendly wink. “Kaytherine Newton, at your service.”
He gaped in horror.
“Lovely to finally meet you, Harv. And of course, your lovely wife and your two kids. Emma, we must have that dinner party together as soon as I get my dining room unpacked! But unless I unpack my mattress, I’ll be sleeping on boxes! Talk atcha later!”
The shark turned around and went into her house, followed by two burly (but shorter than her) movers carrying boxes.
Harvey ushered his family inside and locked the door. “That’s 5-Kay Newt!”
Emma scoffed. “What? Noooo! How could a dangerous fugitive from justice close on a house? Miss Newton is nothing like those scary Wanted posters you hung up in your study to motivate yourself. She’s nice!”
“She’s very nice, daddy,” said the youngest child, a hard candy clicking against her teeth. “She gave me a candy.”
Harvey bopped his daughter on the back of the head to make her spit out the candy. “Don’t accept anything from her! It’s probably poisoned or… she spat on it! We’re all staying inside while I call the police on her!”
“Harvey!” exclaimed Emma. “Don’t you think you’re maybe overreacting?”
“There’s no overreacting with 5-Kay Newt!”
--
“No, I completely understand,” said Kaytherine to the police. “She’s an infamous shark criminal, I’m a shark. I guess to some people we all look alike. I don’t blame Harv for being overprotective, I guess…”
The tiger shark police officer shook his head sadly. Prejudice? From the new DA? What was the world coming to?
“Sir,” said the other police officer, a boar. He wasn’t sure if district attorneys were sirs or not. He’d never had to speak to one. “Her ID checks out. She’s Kaytherine Newton. A perfectly law-abiding citizen. Never been convicted of so much as a jay walking.”
“Are you blind?” demanded Harvey. “That’s 5-Kay Newt! I mean just look at her!”
“I SUPPOSE ALL RED-HEADED, TALL AND CURVY SHARK LADIES LOOK THE SAME TO YOU,” said the outraged tiger shark officer.
Harvey pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Look, sir, if she actually does something evil and villain-y, give us a call," said the boar cop. "But she does appear to just be a woman who looks like another woman. It’s been known to happen. People often say that I look like famous beefcake Porker Southerland and ask me if I’m just undercover as a cop, studying for an upcoming movie. But that is not the case and you shouldn’t listen to rumors like that. And you shouldn’t call us unless Miss Newton does something illegal.”
--
Harvey worked from home for a week, afraid of leaving his wife and kids alone when a monster lived next door. And no matter how he tried to persuade them, they didn’t take the danger seriously!
But he had to go into the office eventually. Reluctantly, he left his home and went towards his car.
“Howdy do, Harv!” called out the shark woman, towering over the hedge. “No hard feelings about calling the cops on me. I actually got the handsome one’s digits so maybe you did me a favor there!”
Harvey froze in place, his car keys paused in the middle of unlocking the door.
“Oh, hey, tell Em that my dining room is neeeeearly unpacked. I'd love to have you both for dinner!”
Harvey jumped in his car and burnt rubber on the way down his driveway.
Kaytherine Newton smiled and went back inside.
--
Kaytherine went into her house and then down into the basement. The unfinished basement was crowded wall to wall with computers and electronics crap and just various hacker-like accoutrements.
The shark walked up to the rat slouched in a computer chair and lightly slapped the back of his head.
“Hey, nerd,” she said. “How’s it going?”
“Uuuuuuuuugh,” he complained. He rubbed his stinging scalp. “Anyone that does any amount of digging at all will find evidence of Kaytherine Newton going back years. Leases and employment and car payments and blah blah blah.”
He pushed his chair away from the desk and swiveled the chair around to face 5-Kay Newt. “I appreciate being paid in cash and upfront and getting to crash on a futon in your basement so I can get away from my crazy landlord. But what is the point of all of this?”
“Oh, I’m going to drive this DA guy crazy!” 5-Kay Newt said cheerfully. “I'm just going to be a perfectly innocuous neighbor to anyone else while continuously dropping teeny hints that will send his paranoia into overdrive! If he actually assaults me or whatever, that'd be super! It'd really discredit him. But he’s already been publicly hostile towards me so if I get bored with gaslighting him, I’ll just burn this house down and frame him for it! That’ll work, too!”
“You’re fucked up, lady,” said the rat hacker.
“Meh,” shrugged Kay, unconcerned with his assessment. “A life well-lived is one where you can buy a house on a whim and move into it on April Fools Day to psychologically torment a guy that thinks he can take you down.”
He turned back to the computer and started typing. “You need a hobby.”
“What do you think this is? If this were serious business, I'd just drop him into one of those things that turn cars into cubes. Car Cubeinators."
---
April Fools Day! For a second, before reading the story, you were like huh wow that sure is a new shark character. She's cute af. And af means and friendly. But it was 5-Kay Newt all along, dressed like Ned Flanders to psychologically torment someone in Shelly Riverstone's extended family for the lols.
My April Fools jokes are a lot more benign than Kay's.
I just thought it would be funny to get a picture of noted violence engine 5-Kay Newt dressed up as someone as nice as Flanders. And then when I decided on a story for it, it turned into Kay and a campaign of psychological torment.
Her real name isn't Kaytherine Newton or anything. She picked that name as an obvious alias to mess with Harvey. She's a stinker.
---
Kaytherine Newton and some other shark called 5-Kay Newt are owned by me
Art by
TemporaryWizard
The speech went off as a major success. The journalists walked away with many soundbites to sink their teeth into and the citizens clapped and then wandered off to watch a superhero suffer a wardrobe malfunction. Afterward, Harvey's campaign manager moose patted him on the shoulder, nearly buckling the otter to the ground.
"Great speech, Harv, great speech! The people love it when you get tough!"
Harvey straightened his tie. "It's not just tough talk. I mean every word of it. I'm going to do what my predecessors, heroes like Amphibi-Us, and our 'super' mayor couldn't and finally clean up this town! But that's work for tomorrow. For the rest of the day, the only thing on my itinerary is to spend some time with my lovely wife!"
"Lovely indeed, a real beaut. You're a lucky man, Harv." The campaign manager bent to pat him on the shoulder again but the otter slipped into an elevator to avoid the weight of his approval.
--
It was a long car ride from the dense city center to the opulent suburb where Harvey Riverstone’s beautiful house and beautiful spouse waited. She was waiting by the front door for him, along with their two beautiful children.
The otter was simply living his best life, at home and in his career!
Parking, he noted with interest the moving van parked next door. His neighbor had moved at the start of his campaign and even though he’d had a buyer lined up, it apparently took some time for the deal to go through.
Harvey left his car, dipped his wife to give her a big kiss, and then tousled the hair of his children.
“You were marvelous on television, hon!” said Mrs Riverstone.
“What’s marvelous is being back at home!” he said, kissing her again.
“What’s also marvelous is our new neighbor. You’ve got to meet her!” the Mrs looked over Harvey’s shoulder. “Oh, there she is!”
“Howdy do, new neighborino!” The new neighbor towered over the hedge separating the property. She was a red-headed, friendly seeming shark in a green sweater. But despite the wholesome neighbor outfit, Harvey recognized her immediately.
“5-Kay-” he gasped.
She cut him off. “Oooof. I hate for your first impression of me to be a ‘Nelly Nitpicker’ but its pronounced Kaytherine. The Y is silent!”
“Newt!” he finished.
“Newton!” she corrected with a friendly wink. “Kaytherine Newton, at your service.”
He gaped in horror.
“Lovely to finally meet you, Harv. And of course, your lovely wife and your two kids. Emma, we must have that dinner party together as soon as I get my dining room unpacked! But unless I unpack my mattress, I’ll be sleeping on boxes! Talk atcha later!”
The shark turned around and went into her house, followed by two burly (but shorter than her) movers carrying boxes.
Harvey ushered his family inside and locked the door. “That’s 5-Kay Newt!”
Emma scoffed. “What? Noooo! How could a dangerous fugitive from justice close on a house? Miss Newton is nothing like those scary Wanted posters you hung up in your study to motivate yourself. She’s nice!”
“She’s very nice, daddy,” said the youngest child, a hard candy clicking against her teeth. “She gave me a candy.”
Harvey bopped his daughter on the back of the head to make her spit out the candy. “Don’t accept anything from her! It’s probably poisoned or… she spat on it! We’re all staying inside while I call the police on her!”
“Harvey!” exclaimed Emma. “Don’t you think you’re maybe overreacting?”
“There’s no overreacting with 5-Kay Newt!”
--
“No, I completely understand,” said Kaytherine to the police. “She’s an infamous shark criminal, I’m a shark. I guess to some people we all look alike. I don’t blame Harv for being overprotective, I guess…”
The tiger shark police officer shook his head sadly. Prejudice? From the new DA? What was the world coming to?
“Sir,” said the other police officer, a boar. He wasn’t sure if district attorneys were sirs or not. He’d never had to speak to one. “Her ID checks out. She’s Kaytherine Newton. A perfectly law-abiding citizen. Never been convicted of so much as a jay walking.”
“Are you blind?” demanded Harvey. “That’s 5-Kay Newt! I mean just look at her!”
“I SUPPOSE ALL RED-HEADED, TALL AND CURVY SHARK LADIES LOOK THE SAME TO YOU,” said the outraged tiger shark officer.
Harvey pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Look, sir, if she actually does something evil and villain-y, give us a call," said the boar cop. "But she does appear to just be a woman who looks like another woman. It’s been known to happen. People often say that I look like famous beefcake Porker Southerland and ask me if I’m just undercover as a cop, studying for an upcoming movie. But that is not the case and you shouldn’t listen to rumors like that. And you shouldn’t call us unless Miss Newton does something illegal.”
--
Harvey worked from home for a week, afraid of leaving his wife and kids alone when a monster lived next door. And no matter how he tried to persuade them, they didn’t take the danger seriously!
But he had to go into the office eventually. Reluctantly, he left his home and went towards his car.
“Howdy do, Harv!” called out the shark woman, towering over the hedge. “No hard feelings about calling the cops on me. I actually got the handsome one’s digits so maybe you did me a favor there!”
Harvey froze in place, his car keys paused in the middle of unlocking the door.
“Oh, hey, tell Em that my dining room is neeeeearly unpacked. I'd love to have you both for dinner!”
Harvey jumped in his car and burnt rubber on the way down his driveway.
Kaytherine Newton smiled and went back inside.
--
Kaytherine went into her house and then down into the basement. The unfinished basement was crowded wall to wall with computers and electronics crap and just various hacker-like accoutrements.
The shark walked up to the rat slouched in a computer chair and lightly slapped the back of his head.
“Hey, nerd,” she said. “How’s it going?”
“Uuuuuuuuugh,” he complained. He rubbed his stinging scalp. “Anyone that does any amount of digging at all will find evidence of Kaytherine Newton going back years. Leases and employment and car payments and blah blah blah.”
He pushed his chair away from the desk and swiveled the chair around to face 5-Kay Newt. “I appreciate being paid in cash and upfront and getting to crash on a futon in your basement so I can get away from my crazy landlord. But what is the point of all of this?”
“Oh, I’m going to drive this DA guy crazy!” 5-Kay Newt said cheerfully. “I'm just going to be a perfectly innocuous neighbor to anyone else while continuously dropping teeny hints that will send his paranoia into overdrive! If he actually assaults me or whatever, that'd be super! It'd really discredit him. But he’s already been publicly hostile towards me so if I get bored with gaslighting him, I’ll just burn this house down and frame him for it! That’ll work, too!”
“You’re fucked up, lady,” said the rat hacker.
“Meh,” shrugged Kay, unconcerned with his assessment. “A life well-lived is one where you can buy a house on a whim and move into it on April Fools Day to psychologically torment a guy that thinks he can take you down.”
He turned back to the computer and started typing. “You need a hobby.”
“What do you think this is? If this were serious business, I'd just drop him into one of those things that turn cars into cubes. Car Cubeinators."
---
April Fools Day! For a second, before reading the story, you were like huh wow that sure is a new shark character. She's cute af. And af means and friendly. But it was 5-Kay Newt all along, dressed like Ned Flanders to psychologically torment someone in Shelly Riverstone's extended family for the lols.
My April Fools jokes are a lot more benign than Kay's.
I just thought it would be funny to get a picture of noted violence engine 5-Kay Newt dressed up as someone as nice as Flanders. And then when I decided on a story for it, it turned into Kay and a campaign of psychological torment.
Her real name isn't Kaytherine Newton or anything. She picked that name as an obvious alias to mess with Harvey. She's a stinker.
---
Kaytherine Newton and some other shark called 5-Kay Newt are owned by me
Art by
TemporaryWizard
Category All / All
Species Shark
Size 1627 x 2076px
File Size 493.6 kB
Comments