sorry for taking so long my computer was not accessable but anyway here is part 2, it's shorter but I will be uploading chapter 3 today <<< PREV | FIRST | NEXT >>>
Chapter 2
When Dashed woke up it was pouring. Slowly getting up he went to his backpack where he left it and got out an egg and a carton of pre-made corn beef hash. He turned on the stove making sure his fur didn’t catch on fire. As the eggs began to cook his mouth started to water at the smell of the corned beef hash, it was, and still is, his favorite breakfast ever. All it needed was some ketchup and it would’ve been perfect. As he sat down taking one of the plates from the previous owner’s cupboard and began to eat. As he ate he thought about what he would do when he finally got to Canada. He fantasized about going on to several talk shows and talking about how the wastes got lonely and how everyone he knew died and he would become one of the most famous people on the planet. Of course only some of that would happen but it was still nice to think about getting out of the irradiated, lonely, and dangerous place once known as the United States of America
Once again he heard the voice, You know that you’ll never make it out of here alive. You know just as well as I do that a single broken leg would be all that it would take to kill you. You’re never going to make it. You know that just as I do so why don’t you just end it all right now save yourself the trouble of dying from hunger.
You know what Dashed thought yelled at the voice, SHUT UP, I’m not going to kill myself, you’re just a figment of my imagination, and I’m going to get out of here and I’m going to get a smoken’ hot fox for a wife.
You and I both know that last part is complete crap.
So? Everything else is true Dashed replied
If that’s what you think.
“Got anything else to say wise guy?!?,” he said outloud.
But with that the voice was silent and the only noise Dashed could here was the rain falling on the house. The gloom of the morning was only amplified by the crack in the ceiling that caused a steady stream of water to pour down into the attic. The leak must have been new as Dashed had seen plenty of buildings destroyed by termites, water damage, or the occasional tree in the roof. More horribly were the buildings that were destroyed by a natural gas leak, every single one of them looked the same: just a crater and some scattered boards or metal beams. To him they almost seemed like a mockery of the world that was. Putting these thoughts aside he took out his journal and he began to draw. Dashed used to be a horrible drawer but after several days and nights of having nothing to do but draw he seemed to get better and better by each week, and so, after several weeks of utter failures, he starting to draw fairly decent drawings. Most of them were just pictures of him doing various things such as walking down a highway, gathering wood for a fire, and cooking his meals. However anytime something very important happened to him he always drew it, for instance when the feral dog attacked him he drew a picture of him being tackled by the dog as it was bursting out of the door. Today however he began to draw himself making breakfast, putting carful detail about his tail fur, the darker spot on the top his head, and the slight scar on his cheek from the dog.
He didn’t like feral animals at all, and for good reason later when numbers were identified apparently animals that have lost all ability to love or reason are the main killers of their surviving walking relatives. However the disaster made them more social and now there are entire towns that are filled with feral animals. These are what would be known as Death Towns as almost everyone who goes into one is killed and then promptly eaten. Of course Dashed didn’t know any of this.
As Dashed drew he began to think about his girlfriend Olivia, she looked like a girly-girl but, that was only because her parents force her to look like that. She had the heart and soul of a rocker and would constantly sneak out with him to go to concerts. Whenever she would sneak off she would take off the tail extensions, changed shirts, and put on her necklace. Boy did that tick off her parents, when they found out that she actually wasn’t going to her friend’s houses for sleepovers after all, they forbid her from ever seeing Dashed again. Course that didn’t stop her, if anything that caused her to go out even more. She was the best girl he had ever met, some of his fondest memories of before the bombs was sitting in a car on a starry night and just kissing and staring at the stars. This, for some reason, ticked them off more than the concerts. It was getting up to the breaking point when the bombs fell and the world went to hell. As he thought the rain became lighter and lighter. Slowly but surely the sun started to rise above the clouds. Just as he was finishing up his drawing him checking the rooms he noticed that the sun had risen. He packed up his things and took off. However before going he checked his backpack for several items, almost all of which are non-perishable food items and half-full water bottles.
Dashed walked out the door and into the street and as he walked down the street that was already being over taken by plants he heard “BABOOM”, felt a huge heat behind him and turned around just in time to see a huge explosion behind him. It was the house that he had stayed at. The natural gas must have combusted, destroying the house. Dashed realized that if he would’ve stayed in the house for just five minutes longer he would’ve been dead. Trembling he began to walk but he didn’t get far until his breakfast came back, not as tasty this time however.
Chapter 2
When Dashed woke up it was pouring. Slowly getting up he went to his backpack where he left it and got out an egg and a carton of pre-made corn beef hash. He turned on the stove making sure his fur didn’t catch on fire. As the eggs began to cook his mouth started to water at the smell of the corned beef hash, it was, and still is, his favorite breakfast ever. All it needed was some ketchup and it would’ve been perfect. As he sat down taking one of the plates from the previous owner’s cupboard and began to eat. As he ate he thought about what he would do when he finally got to Canada. He fantasized about going on to several talk shows and talking about how the wastes got lonely and how everyone he knew died and he would become one of the most famous people on the planet. Of course only some of that would happen but it was still nice to think about getting out of the irradiated, lonely, and dangerous place once known as the United States of America
Once again he heard the voice, You know that you’ll never make it out of here alive. You know just as well as I do that a single broken leg would be all that it would take to kill you. You’re never going to make it. You know that just as I do so why don’t you just end it all right now save yourself the trouble of dying from hunger.
You know what Dashed thought yelled at the voice, SHUT UP, I’m not going to kill myself, you’re just a figment of my imagination, and I’m going to get out of here and I’m going to get a smoken’ hot fox for a wife.
You and I both know that last part is complete crap.
So? Everything else is true Dashed replied
If that’s what you think.
“Got anything else to say wise guy?!?,” he said outloud.
But with that the voice was silent and the only noise Dashed could here was the rain falling on the house. The gloom of the morning was only amplified by the crack in the ceiling that caused a steady stream of water to pour down into the attic. The leak must have been new as Dashed had seen plenty of buildings destroyed by termites, water damage, or the occasional tree in the roof. More horribly were the buildings that were destroyed by a natural gas leak, every single one of them looked the same: just a crater and some scattered boards or metal beams. To him they almost seemed like a mockery of the world that was. Putting these thoughts aside he took out his journal and he began to draw. Dashed used to be a horrible drawer but after several days and nights of having nothing to do but draw he seemed to get better and better by each week, and so, after several weeks of utter failures, he starting to draw fairly decent drawings. Most of them were just pictures of him doing various things such as walking down a highway, gathering wood for a fire, and cooking his meals. However anytime something very important happened to him he always drew it, for instance when the feral dog attacked him he drew a picture of him being tackled by the dog as it was bursting out of the door. Today however he began to draw himself making breakfast, putting carful detail about his tail fur, the darker spot on the top his head, and the slight scar on his cheek from the dog.
He didn’t like feral animals at all, and for good reason later when numbers were identified apparently animals that have lost all ability to love or reason are the main killers of their surviving walking relatives. However the disaster made them more social and now there are entire towns that are filled with feral animals. These are what would be known as Death Towns as almost everyone who goes into one is killed and then promptly eaten. Of course Dashed didn’t know any of this.
As Dashed drew he began to think about his girlfriend Olivia, she looked like a girly-girl but, that was only because her parents force her to look like that. She had the heart and soul of a rocker and would constantly sneak out with him to go to concerts. Whenever she would sneak off she would take off the tail extensions, changed shirts, and put on her necklace. Boy did that tick off her parents, when they found out that she actually wasn’t going to her friend’s houses for sleepovers after all, they forbid her from ever seeing Dashed again. Course that didn’t stop her, if anything that caused her to go out even more. She was the best girl he had ever met, some of his fondest memories of before the bombs was sitting in a car on a starry night and just kissing and staring at the stars. This, for some reason, ticked them off more than the concerts. It was getting up to the breaking point when the bombs fell and the world went to hell. As he thought the rain became lighter and lighter. Slowly but surely the sun started to rise above the clouds. Just as he was finishing up his drawing him checking the rooms he noticed that the sun had risen. He packed up his things and took off. However before going he checked his backpack for several items, almost all of which are non-perishable food items and half-full water bottles.
Dashed walked out the door and into the street and as he walked down the street that was already being over taken by plants he heard “BABOOM”, felt a huge heat behind him and turned around just in time to see a huge explosion behind him. It was the house that he had stayed at. The natural gas must have combusted, destroying the house. Dashed realized that if he would’ve stayed in the house for just five minutes longer he would’ve been dead. Trembling he began to walk but he didn’t get far until his breakfast came back, not as tasty this time however.
Category Story / All
Species Vulpine (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 13.2 kB
Mmm...Corn Beef Hash and eggs...gotta admit I'm a fan of that too!
Something I would recommend for when you have him talk within his head is to still put quotations around what they are saying even if they aren't saying it out loud (ex. "You know what?" Dashed thought yelling at the voice, "SHUT UP! I’m not going to kill myself! you’re just a figment of my imagination"). If you would rather not cause you want it to remain as a case of hearing voices at least use something to separate the words from the statement. Consider other symbols that could represent the spoken words such as {A}, <<A>>,*A*, and :A: .
So instead your sentence would look like: <<You know what?>> Dashed thought yelling at the voice, :SHUT UP! I’m not going to kill myself! you’re just a figment of my imagination:
Other than that there are a few grammar errors here and there but nothing too serious and the story does still make sense so it keeps the basic idea going while not tripping up the reader too much. Keep at it and things will work out as time goes on!
Something I would recommend for when you have him talk within his head is to still put quotations around what they are saying even if they aren't saying it out loud (ex. "You know what?" Dashed thought yelling at the voice, "SHUT UP! I’m not going to kill myself! you’re just a figment of my imagination"). If you would rather not cause you want it to remain as a case of hearing voices at least use something to separate the words from the statement. Consider other symbols that could represent the spoken words such as {A}, <<A>>,*A*, and :A: .
So instead your sentence would look like: <<You know what?>> Dashed thought yelling at the voice, :SHUT UP! I’m not going to kill myself! you’re just a figment of my imagination:
Other than that there are a few grammar errors here and there but nothing too serious and the story does still make sense so it keeps the basic idea going while not tripping up the reader too much. Keep at it and things will work out as time goes on!
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