FA+
Shop
404
Views
Views
13
Favorites
Favorites
Category
All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1245 x 999
File Size 141.7 kB
Report this content
More from mr-taren
Something I've been working on writing for a while...
Sema has been talking for the last few days about wanting to change her character, or at least switch out her 'main' fursona. It's kind of a weird coincidence, because I've wanted to mention something similar for a while now. It's been on my mind ever since our therapist talked about addressing one's "dark side", and this made me think that maybe now would be a good time to bring it up...
It's been almost two years since the otherkin fallout experience. I've gone through a number of different phases, I guess- at first I was shocked and numb, then I went through a long period of guilt and shame, and then I just became anxious and depressed all the time. Not all of it was due to that incident, but it was the start of a downward trend. The last few months, since writing that send-off letter, I've felt better. It's behind me now, but I've actually become very bitter about it, and dragons in general.
I have no problem with other people being into otherkin; it's just that I'm not comfortable identifying with it anymore. I haven't liked talking about otherkin things because it reminds me of how I was tricked so horribly. And when other people talk about it, it makes me upset because it used to be such a source of happiness, but is now ruined.
Since then, I've stuck with being 'Taren' since it's essentially my identity. People know me like that, so trying to change it up is just going to cause confusion and irritation. So "good news, everyone", I'm not really changing anything up too drastically.
Even before the whole Dya debacle, I had kinda moved on from the whole otherkin thing. So I may or may not have been a dragon in a past life. I had spent a great deal of energy and time trying to figure out how to regain that, but as the years went by, it slowly became less important. I eventually accepted that it didn't matter, and that I should focus on the here and now rather than being angsty and stuck in the past. I eventually came to see myself as a spirit in a body. Whether I'm a human or a dragon or something else, all that's different is the shell; I'm still 'me'. I'm okay with Taren being a 'character I play' or 'mask I wear', it's just part of who I am, not my entire identity.
So that brings me up to date- now to work backwards...
Sema and I have been seeing a talk therapist for almost a year now, for our own various issues. It's been going amazingly well. We have such a great relationship with the therapist, and she thinks we're such a fascinating couple, I'm always excited to go to each appointment.
About a month ago, our therapist invited Sema to go to a women's retreat for Halloween. It wasn't really in the cards for her to go, but we both thought it was such a fascinating concept. She takes about eight people out to a creepy hotel and forest in California, where they dress up as their "dark sides" as a way to confront and address any deep, dark issues in their life. It's kind of like personifying your weaknesses, fears, inhibitions, and secrets, I guess. She really didn't go into too much detail, but it sounded like a great concept regardless.
That got me thinking about my own dark side, and how if I could just bring it out and address it in a healthy fashion, I think it would help me a great deal.
Let's rewind even further...
Back in early 2006, I discovered the Four Guardians of Eastern mythology. In case you're not familiar with them, they are the guardian animals of each of the four compass directions. There's the azure dragon to the east, the vermilion bird to the south, the white tiger to the west, and the tortoise and snake to the north. They also correspond with the seasons, spring, summer, fall, and winter, respectively. (I'll be honest, the way I found them out was through IIDX. They were the secret boss stages. Yes, I am a nerd.)
I was inspired by Sema's three characters- Sema, SJ, and Horatio- which symbolize her depression, stability, and mania. They all had their own characteristics and such, and come out depending on her mental state. I thought this was the coolest thing in the world, and began to look in my own head to see if I had something similar to work with.
I took what I knew of the guardians, and combined them with four major personality types, and defined them as facets of myself. Each of the four animals I associated with a particular personality type, and based their character on it. I've found several sets of personality types, and a large number of them come in sets of four. It's very interesting how I can always seem to fit them to the group.
Further reading:
http://www.ahfx.net/weblog/37
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streng.....personality%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DISC_assessment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Temperaments
- Junsei a.k.a. Jun - 純正
(http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3920590/)
His name means: purity, perfection, genuine, correctness.
He best associates with the personality types Analytical, Melancholic, or Compliant.
Jun represents Springtime, Dawn, the East, and the color Blue.
Blue Eastern dragon. Sometimes with wings? Probably not. Is a deep blue, almost indigo, with lighter sky blue scales on his chest, forearms, shins, and tail. Has a short white/black/gray mane running from head to tail tip. Has two thin whiskers on his cheeks. Two sets of white horns- the top/inner ones curve slightly back, then up a bit at the tip. The smaller, outer horns are considerably shorter. Has white claws on hands and feet.
Jun's ideal profession would be a scientist or engineer. He is introverted, task-focused, and passive, which makes him the ideal candidate to invent the next great gizmo and make a killing... or just fix your VCR. Unfortunately, he's also quite shy, not very street-smart. He doesn't interact well with other people, but is generally approachable. He's usually found playing solitaire in the corner at a party.
- Zohaki a.k.a. Zoe - 像発揮
Her name means: an exhibition/demonstration of figures/images.
She best associates with the personality types Expressive, Influential, and Sanguine.
Zoe represents Summertime, Midday, the South, and the color Red.
Reddish-orange phoenix-gryphon. Originally just a phoenix, I found it difficult to draw bird legs, so I figured since I thought gryphons were neat anyway, why not. Has a plume from her head down her back that tapers slightly. Feathers on plume and wings are a gradient between red, orange, and yellow, to represent fire. Body color starts off red (yellow beak and talons) and fades to an orange toward her feet.
Zoe's ideal profession would be an entertainer and freelance artist. Her passion and energy feeds her need to be the center of attention. She is very outgoing and talkative. However, she can overstay her welcome or become a diva, leading to conflict. Her passion and enthusiasm is infectious when chanelled correctly. At a party she'd be the one dancing on top of the piano and loving every second of it.
- Kaitora a.k.a. Kai - 会虎
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3777201/
Her name means: "Pack Tiger" (together, join, group; possibly family)
She best associates with the personality types Amiable, Steady, and Phlegmatic.
Kai represents Autumn, Evening, the West, and the color White.
A snow-white tiger with magenta stripes, claws, and eyes. When anthro, her hair is long and pink (not sure about hair/mane in feral form). Nothing out of the ordinary save for the bizarre coloration.
Kai's ideal profession would be a school counselor or therapist, possibly a housewife. She is very extroverted and social-oriented. She prides herself on being the "shoulder you can cry on", and the one to help others in need. However, she must be careful not to take on too much burden or spread herself too thin. She is also very kind and generous, which makes her an easy victim to scams. At the party, she'd be the one having a quiet heart-to-heart with somebody on the porch.
- Tohsetsu a.k.a. Toh - 島雪
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3387248/
His name means: "Island of Snow", referring to a cold, desolate place.
He best associates with the personality types Driver, Dominant, and Choleric.
Toh represents Winter, Midnight, the North, and the color Black.
His fur is jet black on top, with a white belly and paws. In between the black and white, he has thick stripes of gray. His back also has an ornate design in green fur. His tail fades from black to green to white. Has green eyes.
Toh's ideal profession would be a Sargeant in the military. He is introverted, not as much as Jun, and is very assertive. This character is based on Genbu, which is usually depicted as a tortoise and snake together. I left the snake in the picture to represent his mysterious nature. As a powerful warrior, he has learned how to change form and clone himself to evade detection. While he can assume any form, they usually retain his coloration and markings. He can be a great source of motivation and a powerful leader when positive, or he can be a huge downer when negative. He is loyal to his allies. Although he has a strong code of morals and ethics, sometimes his lack of tact and finesse can hurt some feelings pretty bad. He's kind of like that nasty conscience that nags when you've done something wrong. He has estranged most potential friends, but he is perfectly fine with being alone. At a party, he'd be the one checking ID's and kicking out drunks and stragglers.
These character profiles are the result of about three years of constant refining and contemplation, and they all represent parts of me. Currently, I view them as masks to wear to handle life.
During the last few weeks, I was researching if these sub-personalities could be a coping mechanism of my diagnosed mild autism (Asperger's Syndrome). All my life, I've interacted through different characters that I've constructed in my mind. Though most haven't stuck along for very long, it's just a pattern I've always noticed. Sure enough, it turns out that since people with AS are able to memorize and mimic patterns of behavior, it's not a far cry from being able to construct gambits or entire personalities as tools to deal with everyday life.
Since creating these four, I've found that they seem to "naturally" take over as needed- most of the time. Every so often I do a role-call to see who's "in charge". It's not multiple personalities at all, just like the difference between a paintbrush and marker, say. I'm always me, just using different sets of tools to get the job done.
I'd say I spent most of my time channelling either Jun's or Kai's personalities, or both. While I remain somewhat passive, I use Jun's analytical talents to get my work done and solve problems, and Kai's empathy to be the best friend and caregiver I can be. Zoe and Toh usually take over at conventions when I'm working as a dealer- Zoe impresses customers with elegant products, and Toh stays up all night alone in the Zoo at Anthrocon getting commissions done.
Now here's the rug that really ties the room together- don't miss it: in Eastern mythology, there's also a FIFTH guardian. Guess who? A yellow (some say golden) dragon. Hey! That's familiar!
- Taren - 手練
("teren"- transliterated differently to preserve pronounciation)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3427875/
His name means: skill, dexterity, trick/deception, trained hand
Taren represents balance, harmony, cycles, patterns, the Center, and the color Yellow.
Western dragon, commonly feral, occasionally anthro. Green eyes, ear fins, only two horns that curve gently downward. Light tan belly, that continues all the way down tail. Has slightly darker tan spine-ridges that go from crown to tail tip. White horns, but black claws.
Taren's ideal profession would be... not sure. Investor? Hah. Working closely with his four employees, he can accomplish anything. At a party, he'd be most likely found organizing and executing the event.
Now fast-forward to the whole "exploring one's dark side" concept...
Taren represents the balance of all four sub-personalities, but sometimes one or more of them will stand out, throwing the balance off- that's my dark side. For example, I usually focus on Jun to help with programming and math. The other day when we heard of Athus's passing, I relied on Toh's strength to stay strong enough to drive to the hospital to meet everyone. That's why I said I "felt like a different person" that night, because I sort of was, mentally.
Anyway, I'm not "switching" characters per se, but I just want to address this issue. Instead of trying to hide/suppress this "dark side" and make it go away because I'm ashamed of it, I want to address it, and embrace it as a part of me, and learn from it so that I can lead a more fulfilling and balanced life.
(Notes: I drew this during May and June 2011. I have a larger version, and individual character images in case anyone would like to possibly color this!)
p.s. Yeah, this is where my most recent Twitter icon came from :)
Sema has been talking for the last few days about wanting to change her character, or at least switch out her 'main' fursona. It's kind of a weird coincidence, because I've wanted to mention something similar for a while now. It's been on my mind ever since our therapist talked about addressing one's "dark side", and this made me think that maybe now would be a good time to bring it up...
It's been almost two years since the otherkin fallout experience. I've gone through a number of different phases, I guess- at first I was shocked and numb, then I went through a long period of guilt and shame, and then I just became anxious and depressed all the time. Not all of it was due to that incident, but it was the start of a downward trend. The last few months, since writing that send-off letter, I've felt better. It's behind me now, but I've actually become very bitter about it, and dragons in general.
I have no problem with other people being into otherkin; it's just that I'm not comfortable identifying with it anymore. I haven't liked talking about otherkin things because it reminds me of how I was tricked so horribly. And when other people talk about it, it makes me upset because it used to be such a source of happiness, but is now ruined.
Since then, I've stuck with being 'Taren' since it's essentially my identity. People know me like that, so trying to change it up is just going to cause confusion and irritation. So "good news, everyone", I'm not really changing anything up too drastically.
Even before the whole Dya debacle, I had kinda moved on from the whole otherkin thing. So I may or may not have been a dragon in a past life. I had spent a great deal of energy and time trying to figure out how to regain that, but as the years went by, it slowly became less important. I eventually accepted that it didn't matter, and that I should focus on the here and now rather than being angsty and stuck in the past. I eventually came to see myself as a spirit in a body. Whether I'm a human or a dragon or something else, all that's different is the shell; I'm still 'me'. I'm okay with Taren being a 'character I play' or 'mask I wear', it's just part of who I am, not my entire identity.
So that brings me up to date- now to work backwards...
Sema and I have been seeing a talk therapist for almost a year now, for our own various issues. It's been going amazingly well. We have such a great relationship with the therapist, and she thinks we're such a fascinating couple, I'm always excited to go to each appointment.
About a month ago, our therapist invited Sema to go to a women's retreat for Halloween. It wasn't really in the cards for her to go, but we both thought it was such a fascinating concept. She takes about eight people out to a creepy hotel and forest in California, where they dress up as their "dark sides" as a way to confront and address any deep, dark issues in their life. It's kind of like personifying your weaknesses, fears, inhibitions, and secrets, I guess. She really didn't go into too much detail, but it sounded like a great concept regardless.
That got me thinking about my own dark side, and how if I could just bring it out and address it in a healthy fashion, I think it would help me a great deal.
Let's rewind even further...
Back in early 2006, I discovered the Four Guardians of Eastern mythology. In case you're not familiar with them, they are the guardian animals of each of the four compass directions. There's the azure dragon to the east, the vermilion bird to the south, the white tiger to the west, and the tortoise and snake to the north. They also correspond with the seasons, spring, summer, fall, and winter, respectively. (I'll be honest, the way I found them out was through IIDX. They were the secret boss stages. Yes, I am a nerd.)
I was inspired by Sema's three characters- Sema, SJ, and Horatio- which symbolize her depression, stability, and mania. They all had their own characteristics and such, and come out depending on her mental state. I thought this was the coolest thing in the world, and began to look in my own head to see if I had something similar to work with.
I took what I knew of the guardians, and combined them with four major personality types, and defined them as facets of myself. Each of the four animals I associated with a particular personality type, and based their character on it. I've found several sets of personality types, and a large number of them come in sets of four. It's very interesting how I can always seem to fit them to the group.
Further reading:
http://www.ahfx.net/weblog/37
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Streng.....personality%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DISC_assessment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Temperaments
- Junsei a.k.a. Jun - 純正
(http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3920590/)
His name means: purity, perfection, genuine, correctness.
He best associates with the personality types Analytical, Melancholic, or Compliant.
Jun represents Springtime, Dawn, the East, and the color Blue.
Blue Eastern dragon. Sometimes with wings? Probably not. Is a deep blue, almost indigo, with lighter sky blue scales on his chest, forearms, shins, and tail. Has a short white/black/gray mane running from head to tail tip. Has two thin whiskers on his cheeks. Two sets of white horns- the top/inner ones curve slightly back, then up a bit at the tip. The smaller, outer horns are considerably shorter. Has white claws on hands and feet.
Jun's ideal profession would be a scientist or engineer. He is introverted, task-focused, and passive, which makes him the ideal candidate to invent the next great gizmo and make a killing... or just fix your VCR. Unfortunately, he's also quite shy, not very street-smart. He doesn't interact well with other people, but is generally approachable. He's usually found playing solitaire in the corner at a party.
- Zohaki a.k.a. Zoe - 像発揮
Her name means: an exhibition/demonstration of figures/images.
She best associates with the personality types Expressive, Influential, and Sanguine.
Zoe represents Summertime, Midday, the South, and the color Red.
Reddish-orange phoenix-gryphon. Originally just a phoenix, I found it difficult to draw bird legs, so I figured since I thought gryphons were neat anyway, why not. Has a plume from her head down her back that tapers slightly. Feathers on plume and wings are a gradient between red, orange, and yellow, to represent fire. Body color starts off red (yellow beak and talons) and fades to an orange toward her feet.
Zoe's ideal profession would be an entertainer and freelance artist. Her passion and energy feeds her need to be the center of attention. She is very outgoing and talkative. However, she can overstay her welcome or become a diva, leading to conflict. Her passion and enthusiasm is infectious when chanelled correctly. At a party she'd be the one dancing on top of the piano and loving every second of it.
- Kaitora a.k.a. Kai - 会虎
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3777201/
Her name means: "Pack Tiger" (together, join, group; possibly family)
She best associates with the personality types Amiable, Steady, and Phlegmatic.
Kai represents Autumn, Evening, the West, and the color White.
A snow-white tiger with magenta stripes, claws, and eyes. When anthro, her hair is long and pink (not sure about hair/mane in feral form). Nothing out of the ordinary save for the bizarre coloration.
Kai's ideal profession would be a school counselor or therapist, possibly a housewife. She is very extroverted and social-oriented. She prides herself on being the "shoulder you can cry on", and the one to help others in need. However, she must be careful not to take on too much burden or spread herself too thin. She is also very kind and generous, which makes her an easy victim to scams. At the party, she'd be the one having a quiet heart-to-heart with somebody on the porch.
- Tohsetsu a.k.a. Toh - 島雪
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3387248/
His name means: "Island of Snow", referring to a cold, desolate place.
He best associates with the personality types Driver, Dominant, and Choleric.
Toh represents Winter, Midnight, the North, and the color Black.
His fur is jet black on top, with a white belly and paws. In between the black and white, he has thick stripes of gray. His back also has an ornate design in green fur. His tail fades from black to green to white. Has green eyes.
Toh's ideal profession would be a Sargeant in the military. He is introverted, not as much as Jun, and is very assertive. This character is based on Genbu, which is usually depicted as a tortoise and snake together. I left the snake in the picture to represent his mysterious nature. As a powerful warrior, he has learned how to change form and clone himself to evade detection. While he can assume any form, they usually retain his coloration and markings. He can be a great source of motivation and a powerful leader when positive, or he can be a huge downer when negative. He is loyal to his allies. Although he has a strong code of morals and ethics, sometimes his lack of tact and finesse can hurt some feelings pretty bad. He's kind of like that nasty conscience that nags when you've done something wrong. He has estranged most potential friends, but he is perfectly fine with being alone. At a party, he'd be the one checking ID's and kicking out drunks and stragglers.
These character profiles are the result of about three years of constant refining and contemplation, and they all represent parts of me. Currently, I view them as masks to wear to handle life.
During the last few weeks, I was researching if these sub-personalities could be a coping mechanism of my diagnosed mild autism (Asperger's Syndrome). All my life, I've interacted through different characters that I've constructed in my mind. Though most haven't stuck along for very long, it's just a pattern I've always noticed. Sure enough, it turns out that since people with AS are able to memorize and mimic patterns of behavior, it's not a far cry from being able to construct gambits or entire personalities as tools to deal with everyday life.
Since creating these four, I've found that they seem to "naturally" take over as needed- most of the time. Every so often I do a role-call to see who's "in charge". It's not multiple personalities at all, just like the difference between a paintbrush and marker, say. I'm always me, just using different sets of tools to get the job done.
I'd say I spent most of my time channelling either Jun's or Kai's personalities, or both. While I remain somewhat passive, I use Jun's analytical talents to get my work done and solve problems, and Kai's empathy to be the best friend and caregiver I can be. Zoe and Toh usually take over at conventions when I'm working as a dealer- Zoe impresses customers with elegant products, and Toh stays up all night alone in the Zoo at Anthrocon getting commissions done.
Now here's the rug that really ties the room together- don't miss it: in Eastern mythology, there's also a FIFTH guardian. Guess who? A yellow (some say golden) dragon. Hey! That's familiar!
- Taren - 手練
("teren"- transliterated differently to preserve pronounciation)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3427875/
His name means: skill, dexterity, trick/deception, trained hand
Taren represents balance, harmony, cycles, patterns, the Center, and the color Yellow.
Western dragon, commonly feral, occasionally anthro. Green eyes, ear fins, only two horns that curve gently downward. Light tan belly, that continues all the way down tail. Has slightly darker tan spine-ridges that go from crown to tail tip. White horns, but black claws.
Taren's ideal profession would be... not sure. Investor? Hah. Working closely with his four employees, he can accomplish anything. At a party, he'd be most likely found organizing and executing the event.
Now fast-forward to the whole "exploring one's dark side" concept...
Taren represents the balance of all four sub-personalities, but sometimes one or more of them will stand out, throwing the balance off- that's my dark side. For example, I usually focus on Jun to help with programming and math. The other day when we heard of Athus's passing, I relied on Toh's strength to stay strong enough to drive to the hospital to meet everyone. That's why I said I "felt like a different person" that night, because I sort of was, mentally.
Anyway, I'm not "switching" characters per se, but I just want to address this issue. Instead of trying to hide/suppress this "dark side" and make it go away because I'm ashamed of it, I want to address it, and embrace it as a part of me, and learn from it so that I can lead a more fulfilling and balanced life.
(Notes: I drew this during May and June 2011. I have a larger version, and individual character images in case anyone would like to possibly color this!)
p.s. Yeah, this is where my most recent Twitter icon came from :)
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1245 x 999px
File Size 141.7 kB
Really interesting, thanks for sharing that with us. :) I've been interested in personifying different parts of my personality too- I've determined inside me I have the "little bit/shit" and "the dreamer". Neither can really function at all without the other, they are both fatally flawed, but together they are balanced out.
This was in interesting, if long, read for me. I am someone whose 'otherkinism' was reawakened around two years ago, and I have a hard time understanding the 'non-otherkin' attraction to having a character/characters, and what that even means to a person (I don't even have a description of 'myself' as a dragon, and it is not a large priority for me to figure one out). So it seems you have been on an opposite course to me in that sense.
And you still seem to be two fifths dragon!
And you still seem to be two fifths dragon!
Yeah, honestly I probably think about it a bit too much. I do have a hard time relating to the other perspective (and have a hard time having a good conversation with anybody). I don't know if I would think the word blasphemy in regards to 'furries' or even non-otherkin dragons-as-characters, I am too humble in my draconity for that I think. But it does in some unexplainable way make it hard for me to know how to relate, perhaps because I have never had an interest in having a 'character' or RPing, or much in the line of costumes even, unless I have been suppressing any such desires.
My identity's wavered over time. Like you, I identify primarily as "a spirit that chose to incarnate"'; all else is accumulations of a past, and I am free to choose how I represent myself thus. Including options that never were and never will be, from an incarnate sense; I can identify myself however I choose, and choose to be whatever I am; it's not "playing a character", really, just being myself for different variations of what that means.
So I guess my spirituality has changed quite a lot in the past... it's been ten years now, hasn't it? And as well it should, because a failure to change is a failure to learn, and if you aren't learning anything, what's the point?
I think my own darker tendencies take a very, very different path. If I were to wear a costume to represent them, I would simply dress in a business suit, wearing a mask that shows no face. I can be terrifyingly callous, especially to myself, and I am much, much more capable of truly dangerous Machiavellian logic than I like to admit. But, who does like to admit it? There's more to the symbolism than that, as there's always more to a person's darkness than they'll ever be willing to talk about, but it's what comes tom ind.
So I guess my spirituality has changed quite a lot in the past... it's been ten years now, hasn't it? And as well it should, because a failure to change is a failure to learn, and if you aren't learning anything, what's the point?
I think my own darker tendencies take a very, very different path. If I were to wear a costume to represent them, I would simply dress in a business suit, wearing a mask that shows no face. I can be terrifyingly callous, especially to myself, and I am much, much more capable of truly dangerous Machiavellian logic than I like to admit. But, who does like to admit it? There's more to the symbolism than that, as there's always more to a person's darkness than they'll ever be willing to talk about, but it's what comes tom ind.
Comments