Just Sayin'... by Swandog -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

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Just Sayin'...

By Swandog,
posted 14 years ago Mixed-Media Artist

1653
Views

24
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36
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General
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Category Other / All

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Size 963 x 370px

File Size 264.1 kB

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read it and you will know

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Conjure ~conjure

Traditional Artist

14 years ago

Oh god I can ....just...relating to this 1000000000 percent :c
*faves forever*

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

*hugs* If you ever need to talk about it, I can definitely lend an ear. <3

Conjure ~conjure

Traditional Artist

14 years ago

Sames goes to you <333 and thank you :.:

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

13 years ago

P.S. Just wanted to let you know that I've updated this with several more good links I've found. *hugs*

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

12 years ago

(Just curious if you're still here? I wanted to pass some info on to you that may be of interest, but I wasn't able to view your page or note you.)

Mavuriku ~mavuriku

Digital Artist

14 years ago

Been dealing with similar situations myself as of late. This is how I got my point across though. XD http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6986900

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Yep, can totally relate to that...pretty much gave up RPing with others long ago because of such sexual harassment. XP

DrakainaDawn ~drakainadawn

Traditional Artist

14 years ago

Oh gods yes xD

Thaily ~thaily

Traditional Artist

14 years ago

You don't get along with assholes, join the club :P

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Well, unfortunately it's not that simple...I wish it were. :( In my case, each time I've pruned a toxic individual from my life (which I have several times now), I end up with a lot of "collateral damage" (that is, losing other people I love and still want to keep a relationship with), usually because of two reasons: 1. The toxic person (heretofore referred to as "TP"), in order to take revenge for my cutting ties with them, immediately goes and spreads all sorts of slanderous lies and rumors about me to mutual friends or family members, and since the TP is a very popular, persuasive, pathological liar to begin with, and able to "slather on the charm" with ease, the mutual friends or family members tend to fall for the lies and turn against me, so I end up losing them as well...Or: 2. The TP has a wife, husband or child that I would really like to keep a relationship with, but because the TP is so completely dominating and controlling toward them, the spouse or child has become utterly brainwashed and co-dependent on them, unable any longer to have any opinion or spine of their own. Therefore, it is completely impossible to carry on any sort of relationship with the other people after cutting ties with the TP, because the TP completely disallows them to have anything further to do with me (even though I may be a best friend to or family member of their spouse/child), and the spouse/child is either too afraid or just "beyond caring" to attempt to stand up to the TP or go against his/her demands in any way. This has happened to me OVER and OVER again, and each time it's utterly heart-wrenching to lose those other people, and so each time I put up with the abuse of the TP LONG after I should have cut ties with them, simply because I was so loathe to endure the "collateral damage"...but in the end, I had no choice. So you see, it's not just a simple matter of choosing to walk away from the assholes in your life; it's also having to face the loss of all the others who choose to follow after them rather than to stick by you. :(

Bingo ~bingo

Casual Furry

14 years ago

*hugs hugs HUGS*
You are all sorts of awesome, Swan-Doggy (=

Love and Miss, both you and Sayh.

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

*hugs back and misses you too* <3 How have you been, pup? It's been too long!

Bingo ~bingo

Casual Furry

14 years ago

pup! Oh wow... no one's called me that for yonks and years, now.
Haha- it's been a real rollercoaster for me, that's for sure, though it seems a bit calmer of late, if I had to start the story back from when we last spoke.... but that's far too much for any one FA comment box =,
We shall have to figure out some similar online time thing, or-... orrr, does avians.net still exist? o.o It's been equally a long time since i last used IRC...

Aww, I wanna talk to mah swandog-sis again *grabby-paws* )=

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Aww. <3 I don't go to #feathers anymore, but I'm on skype and also googlechat: "swandog_studio" and "swandog.studio", respectively. :)

Bingo ~bingo

Casual Furry

14 years ago

I am having zero luck finding you on Skype... =/ If you have better luck, my own skype name is bingodingo.

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Sent you a request. :)

Irwin ~irwin

Art Whore

14 years ago

*Spreads hir arms wide, offering hugs!* You've done the only right thing to do, in my opinion... And it's good that your therapy is working fine! Abusive parent/parents...? I've had my share of that, just IM me if you feel the need to chat...

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

*nods and hugs* <3 Thanks, sweety. Feel free to add me to skype, if you have it; I'm "swandog_studio". :)

Irwin ~irwin

Art Whore

14 years ago

*Rumble-purrs into the hug!* I've tried skype a few times, but don't like it much. It always choose to go down when I'm trying to say something important...

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Ah ok...I'm also on googlechat, and facebook chat. :)

Greybriar ~crypsis

Seaweed Touching Your Foot

14 years ago

Reading this and the comments... I just can't relate hard enough. I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this. I know what it's like to have the sort of personality wanting to give someone a chance over and over and it ends up worthless and you end up hurt and tired, and I just now became old enough and wise enough to know when to put my foot down.

I may repost this just as a sort of personal strength thing, and I really thank you for putting into words (and links) exactly what I needed right now!

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Feel free to repost it; that's what I pit it up for. :) It's not bad to be soft-hearted, loyal and forgiving, just so long as you protect yourself and don't let yourself get stomped on by the same people. There will always be new people to stomp on us, so no point in hanging around with the old ones, telling ourselves that "we need to keep loving them, honoring them and being loyal to them no matter what", just because they are best friends, parents, siblings or spouses! :P If people only use and abuse you, then then don't love you back and don't deserve your love! You must go your own way, and save yourself and your sanity (as well as that of your kids, of you have them). Loving others "truly" or "unconditionally" doesn't obligate us to put up with abuse from them. I just can't stress this enough, because so many kind-hearted people fall in that trap. Even a faithful dog that gets kicked over and over by his owner will eventually bite back. *hugs tight* <3

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

13 years ago

P.S. Just wanted to let you know that I've updated this with several more good links I've found. *hugs*

ArchTeryx !archteryx

Writer

14 years ago

As the song goes, "Say what you need to say..."

Probably going to sound ironic coming from me, but I'll risk it.

I'm glad that you're taking a stand against toxic people. They'll destroy you in the end if you let them - over my years I've seen one too many perfectly delightful women friends destroyed in just that manner by malign people, who simply wanted to suck them dry. Even helped a friend (you may or may not know her, Red Gryphon) through a really messy divorce from just such a person. When it completed, she lost virtually her entire circle of friends - they all either marched off with her ex, or dumped her once she made it clear she wasn't marrying them instead.

I stuck by her and she and I are good friends to this day.

We've had our problems, but one thing I've vowed is that I will not try and control who Tacet associates with, or is friends with, for just this reason. I don't want to become the monster I've fought for so long.

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Yes, Red's a dear friend whom I've known for years, back when she was still with her ex. Did you see my comment to Thaily? I had to endure the loss of many friends and family who chose to follow after the toxic people I cut ties with, so I know how it feels. :(

ArchTeryx !archteryx

Writer

14 years ago

That's exactly why I said what I said about Red. It's a very common problem: toxic people have a really awesome ability to exact revenge, usually by decimating your circle of friends on the way out. But it's possible to build new circles of friends, as Red has over the years. It DID almost entirely drive her off LiveJournal, though, which made keeping in touch with her much harder. :-/ Collateral damage, I guess.

Some time you ought to talk with Tacet. She has the inverse problem: when she met me, she had virtually no friends of her own. My Flock gave her a ready-made "family" to fit into, but I've been encouraging her to strike out and find some not also connected to me, but it's been slow and difficult going. She still speaks very fondly of you, though, and you probably could give her a little encouragement. Bet it'd help you feel better, too.

tenayaowlcat ~tenayaowlcat

Photographer

14 years ago

Just saw this post and agree completely. And yep, I really can relate to your comment to Thaily. I lost almost all of my friends after not only the business with the ex, but with a couple of other TP who destroyed most of my friendships. I still sometimes wonder how it all happened, but mostly I just try to not think about them, as they're totally not worth it.

I need to get on here more often and interact. I miss you and Arch and the other folks who have stood by me. :) *HUGS*

ArchTeryx !archteryx

Writer

14 years ago

And I'd be very happy to see you around more, Tenaya. I'm just sorry I missed going out to CA one more time before I lost my job, because I'd have loved to see you and Scott again.

tenayaowlcat ~tenayaowlcat

Photographer

14 years ago

Hey, you're one of the few folks who have taught me that you CAN have problems and work through them without maliciousness and bitterness getting in the way. Thank you. :) *HUGS*

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

14 years ago

Aww... <3<3<3 *snuggles and misses you*

Anbessa ~anbessa

Anthro Artist

14 years ago

I'm glad that the only TP in my life wasn't so toxic at all; and dumping him made life easier, too. therem were also no shared friendships to lose; so I guess I was lucky.

but I have heard stories of people so toxic they would destroy someone's life then go on to the next to destroy their lifes as well. makes me want to go medieval on them.

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

9 years ago

*hugs* Yep, that's usually what the worst TPs do (including the ones I've experienced). :(

Hawkie ~hawkie

ethereal pathfinder

9 years ago

http://www.lightshouse.org/things-n.....ssists-do.html Is a broken link.

Also, thanks SO much for this list sis. It's helped a few people now, I keep referring them here. :) <3

Swandog ~swandog

Mixed-Media Artist

9 years ago

Thanks for the heads-up, sis; I think I managed to find another version of that article, so have updated the link. I know there's a few other dead ones in there too that I need to delete/update. Also, thanks for pointing folks here! <3 *hugs*

Hawkie ~hawkie

ethereal pathfinder

9 years ago

It's a super helpful resource list! Thank you for maintaining it 💕

Emprah ~emprah

Writer

6 years ago

Hey, thanks for showing me this!

I must admit I haven't been the best person and sometimes that person who shouldn't be put up with. But not only have I been working on myself, I've actually come to agree that you have no obligation to put up with anyone no matter what. I live with an energy thief at work, and every day I come home incapable of doing anything because of him. Nobody has to take that; there has to be space for ourselves, just a little.

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