A collabrative work between  luthien_nightwolf and  Wanderingpariah

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Luthien stepped into the small courtyard that sat in the center of her rose garden, the stone tiles cold under her footpads. The night air was chill, the first biting winds of winter slowly creeping in as autumn prepared to yield its throne to the next season. She pulled her robes tighter about her, the thick velvet and fur lining protecting her from the cold air. There he stood though, in the center of the courtyard, still in the same garments she always saw him in – simple robes of dark black, aged and worn over countless years. If he was affected by the drop in temperatures, he was good at hiding it. He seemed other-worldly standing there looking up at the moon, its light reflecting in his white fur and casting a soft glow all about him. She smiled as she approached him.

“Have we met before?” she asked, a hint of laughter in her voice. She was always so delighted to find him waiting there for her.

“I think we have,” he replied, holding out his hand to her. His tone was serious – as if he was not entirely sure. A brief moment passed as his storm-cloud gray eyes scanned her face, seeking recognition; and then a warmth settled over his countenance, an understanding and a remembrance now replacing his confusion, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight as he grinned. “May I have this dance?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” she said, placing her paw in his and allowing him to pull her close. His next move was as obvious as breathing. He kissed her softly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling the soft fur of his chin. “I've missed you”, she said softly. “I've missed this.” For her, the world turned about so slowly as the years passed, and yet changes happened in what seemed a heartbeat to her. Her moments with him were different though. They stood apart somehow, unaffected by the passage of time. But it seemed as though lately, they had become a rare occurrence.


He had not been visiting as much recently. She had taken to wandering the forest alone at night, hoping to find him in the grove where they had first met, where there now stood a circle of rose bushes that had sprung up as a result of their first passions. A sign of his passing. A sign of her remembrance. A sign of their bond. She held him tighter now, wanting the night to last as long as possible while she had him there with her, finally in her arms.

“Me too,” he said, yielding into her and exposing his neck further as she kissed it, nestling her head beneath his throat so that his muzzle rested between her ears. “I have missed you so.”

Luthien smiled softly, reaching her paw up to run her fingers through his long white hair. “You should visit more often”, she said. “I'm always here.” She chided him playfully, but there was a sad hint of truth in her words. She was anchored to this place, it seemed, but he was free to come and go, appearing unexpectedly and vanishing just as quickly. She never knew the reasons behind his comings and goings, nor the reason he had grown more and more absent as of late. Somewhere, deep within, she feared the truth of it. His voice brought her back.

“As am I,” he murmured softly, mirroring her paw with his, running his own fingers through her hair, pausing for a moment to slide them down the streak of snow white tucked away amidst all the jet black. “Even when you cannot see me, I am here.” He brought his other paw up and placed it over her heart. “Here.”

His deep gray eyes contemplated her for a long moment, before he whispered, his voice almost inaudible, like a private ancient prayer, “I love you, Luthien”, the words felt ageless and hallowed. Her heart skipped a beat. Those words touched her – no matter how many times he said them.

There was a simplicity and comfort to what he was telling her now, something that spoke to her from within that she could not quite pin down. She sighed happily. “I love you too sweetheart. Endlessly.” She blushed lightly under her fur as he played with the single lock of white hair. She had gone to so much effort to keep it hidden that now, as Kayin was paying so much careful attention to it, she felt exposed.

“Endlessly so...” He grinned at her words. “You’re starting to sound like me now.”

“I know,” she replied, looking into his eyes. “I suppose it’s because everything you say echoes within me, resonates so strongly. I find myself saying things that you say a lot. You have left your mark upon me, love. In many ways.”

“As you have upon me in many ways…” He raised his wrist up to show her that bound to it with leather thonging was one of her feathers, the one she had gifted to him so many weeks before. The light of the stars reflected in its glossy black sheen, the deep indigo eyespot at the tip almost seeming to glow. A feather from her spirit wings was no small trinket, and he had worn it close to him all this time.

“I see I'm not the only one carrying quills around,” she said, laughing. She had kept the white feather he’d left her, sometimes tying it into her hair as she had it now, sometimes just holding it in her hand. It was never far away from her.

“Surprised?” he asked, arching a brow. “We all have our secrets to hold, our burdens to bear.” His tails flicked back and forth, a clear indication of his amusement.

“Then I will bear mine proudly,” she said. “Anything you give me stays close to me always. This right here…” She pulled the silver chain she wore around her neck, a crystal pendant appearing from the folds of her robes. “This is always at my side.” She held it up and it glowed silvery in the moonlight, Kayin’s symbol etched upon its face unmistakable.

His eyes widened. “That... where did you find that?” He struggled to catch his breath, his surprise evident on his face. “I - I thought that it was lost, “he stammered, looking into her deep green eyes, cupping her face with a single paw. “You never cease to amaze me…” he breathed, a twinge of hope mixed with sorrow alive in his eyes.

“I suppose it was, for a time” she said. “I found it one day, locked away in a room at my parents’ manor. When I held it up to get a better look at it I...” She trailed off then, going silent for a few seconds as though she were debating telling him more. His grey eyes pleaded with her to continue. “I saw something Kayin. I saw you. Shortly after, I had that first vivid dream where we met in the forest and grew the lily.”

“Dream...” he said, letting the word hang in the air, almost a question as if to state the obvious rhetorically. There was something though, something catching about his voice, provoking a deeper question.

“Or something else,” she answered. “I've given up trying to figure out what it was.” She had spent many afternoons pacing the halls of the manor, staring at the lily that never seemed to wilt, and feeling the feather as it seemed to pulse with a supernatural energy. Dreams did not bleed into the waking world, but here were these objects he had given her, and her memory of that night had not dimmed when the sun had arisen. They persisted, as real and true as any part of her.

Kayin knew the history of the tiny shard of crystal she now held in her hand. He remembered facets, moments, pieces of himself, his history and parts of his memory flowing from the crystal back to him, sharing in that empathetic bond. “That is a Lodestone,” he explained. “A place for my memory. A place where part of me lives.” He breathed quietly, looking into her eyes. “You found me.”

She took his hand within her own, placing the crystal between their palms. “I don’t know what it was doing in that room, locked away in a box, forgotten about, but Kayin...something pulled me up to that room that day. I don't think it was an accident that I found it. It was meant to lead you to me, or me to you. Of this I am certain.”

“There is no such thing as accident,” he said solemnly. He breathed out, touching the stone once more before curling her fingers back around it. “Keep it safe... close to your heart. It belongs to you and only you Luthien.”

She held it tightly, pressing her fist to her heart. The crystal was warm, and still glowing. She almost thought she could hear it singing, if she listened closely. “Kayin, if this is a part of you, I wouldn't dream of letting it out of my sight. It brought you to me, didn’t it?”

Kayin nodded slowly, considering his words. “I have a feeling it will yet bring you…to me,” he said softly, kissing her forehead. “For I often lose myself, time and time again, an endless cycle. Perhaps it is just my circle of sin, but if there is any hope for me, you hold it in your heart.”

“You will not lose me,” she whispered into his ear, wrapping her arms around his middle before resting her head upon his chest. He held her tightly and they stood there like that for a while, supporting each other and swaying softly, dancing slowly to their own song. She cherished the little moments like these, where they could simply take each other in. She listened now to his heart beat, concentrating on each small part of him - his smell like old age-worn pages, his warmth, the way his strong hands felt against the small of her back. Kayin did the same, his muzzle buried in her hair, inhaling the scent of roses that she always seemed to have about her. Each wishing the night would never end.

Finally, Kayin spoke. “I think I only exist in the light for the sake of you. You called me back when I was so lost. Again and again you call me back.” He held her even more tightly to his chest now, as though he was afraid she would float away.

“If that is the case,” she said, “then I will do my best to keep the darkness at bay, for you. So you can always have a safe place to return to, here with me.” She arched her muzzle up to his, their noses touching, a brief moment of intimacy.

Kayin smiled. “You already do, dear one. Always you keep the darkness from making me forget completely...”

Luthien said nothing, only held him tighter to her as a thousand questions swam in her mind. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, but she was unsure of which to begin with. As though he could sense she was troubled, Kayin lifted her chin to look at her. His expression was concerned, almost pained.

“What is it Luthien? What ails your mind?” he asked. “Where does your mind fly to?” His voice was deep, a firmness to it that shook her to her core. He always had a way of sensing even her deepest secrets and pulling them out of her.

“Oh…she said, sighing softly, “I’m not sure my love. You are still such a mystery to me. I want to know more about you - where you come from, where you've been....how you find me each night.” She looked deeply into his eyes as though searching them for some glimpse of the answers she was seeking. “What has happened to you in your past to make you carry so much pain?”

She placed her hand against his heart then, a faint warmth emanating from her palm. The feeling of sadness was nearly overwhelming, and she swallowed hard to choke back the tears that begged now for release.

“I can feel it. I am a healer. I am trained to locate the source of pain and take it away, but with you... Its something far too deep for me to fix, I'm afraid.” She was speaking softly now, almost in a whisper, yet her words were no less potent for it. “So much hurt Kayin. You carry so much hurt. What has done this to you my darling?”

He waited a moment, caught off guard. He weighed the paths before him, thinking on what was said next, where it would lead, the ripples it would cause. Finally he spoke.

“There is a sureness to your heart”, he said. “Greater than you give it credit for. I am the source of my burdens. I am... incomplete. Like an echo, or a wave at tide. Just the tracery of the thought. I once was something more. Something whole. But that was a long time ago. I am Hope. I am not from or gone by. I simply am.”

He paused for a moment to run his fingers over her cheek.

“Where I am, where I have been... None of those matter, I suppose. They are the places I will go, and find. My future and my past are one and the same. There is no home. There is no end. Just an endless waltz from memory to memory, out of order and sync.” He shook his head slowly. “For all that I am, I am broken.”

Luthien listened as he spoke, her expression sullen. “Broken? Lost? My love...” Her voice broke. It hurt her so deeply to learn this of him, as confusing as it was. A tear slid down her cheek now, but she did not cry.

Kayin looked into her eyes, those deep pools of green, his own gray eyes spiraling into an endless forever.

“I... broke the laws that govern,” he said. “This is, in part, my punishment. I broke the rules. So often bending, or pushing… It always begins with a choice. If I had to, I would do so again. What happens to me has happened before and will happen again,” he said, as if reliving some private anguish, over and over again, a painful memory that he could not bury deep enough to forget.

“Luthien...You heal, more than you know. My past is hidden, even from me. Especially from me. What you hold to your heart is but a part of my past. My path. Something vital, something I believed lost,” he whispered, the truth of it now becoming apparent. He looked to her, his eyes finally showing sign of the burden he bore. “There are twelve others like it... thirteen lodestones scattered across space and time.”

Luthien held out the crystal again, studying it now as though seeing it with new eyes. She could feel the energy within the stone, a tingling sensation on her palm.

“You can feel it, because you are tied to it,” he said, nodding towards the stone. “The source is manifold and it rests in the past. You are connected to them, as they are to each other.”

Luthien tucked the crystal back into the folds of her dress, placing it next to her fur, and pulled Kayin closer to her.

“I can only hope that I can give you some small comfort then in your travels. Complete you, give you a guiding light when you are out in the darkness. For whatever small part I may play for you, I hope it helps.”

She smiled at him now, a spark of hope in the darkness. “Now then...let us not fill our entire night with such talk of dark things and sadness. We only have a few precious hours together, and I want you to be happy when you're with me. Untroubled, if only for a little while. Where there is light and love, you will find me, always.”

She took his hands and held them between her own, looking up at him. “In time, I will come to understand all that you are. But for now...I'm just glad you're here.”

Kayin stared into her eyes, something more stirring within. Something she had stumbled upon, whether by chance or design. Then again, there were no accidents. “Luthien...you asked, and in asking, you wished to know. I need you. I need your help, and your healing touch.” He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “We live and love, but I am still cut off... cut off from all that I am. You are bound to the stones. You can restore me… save me,” he breathed.

“Tell me then, how to help you sweetheart,” she said. “I would do anything for you. But I feel as though I am caught up in a tide sometimes...a small thing battered about by forces much greater than I. I have been around for many years, but I am still too small to understand some things. And now you come to me, needing me. I only wish the answers were easier to find.” She was frightened, despite there being an immense determination within her.

“Nothing worth doing is ever so easy... or simple,” he said. “But it is worthwhile, if it is a choice you find in your heart. The choice is yours, and yours alone.” He pulled her hands to his heart and whispered in her ear. “You are greater than the sum of your parts, dear one. You are capable of anything and everything. And though you are but one, you can move the tides with your actions.”

Uplifted by his words and overwhelmed now with emotion, she pulled him close and pressed her lips to his, losing herself there in the kiss for a moment. Kayin blinked, surprised at her sudden motion but melting into the kiss all the same. His whole body trembled then as he felt substantiated, anchored once more. She tightened her grip on him, seeking to reassure him, her lips and tongue still searching his own, some sense of desperation, longing, there within. When they finally pulled away from each other, a sense of calm had filled them both.

“The power to change. The power to heal. Truly heal, “he whispered “Its yours. You carry it all within yourself. Of that I am sure Luthien.”

He held her close. "Lu... Thank you," he whispered, achingly. "You are the only one who can heal me. The Stones will call to you, guide you, and light your path." He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. "It is why I am time and again brought to you. I am bound to you. My heart... bound to yours. I love you so dearly." A single tear fell now from his own eyes, and Luthien gently wiped it from his cheek with her finger, still struggling to keep herself from losing it altogether.

“I love you too Kayin,” she whispered. “More deeply than I ever thought possible. I want to heal you, want to make you whole again, if I am able. I will certainly try. Please...don't cry my love. For I fear I shall do the same, it pains me so to see you hurt.” She smiled for him then, forcing it through her own sadness for his sake. She brushed a wisp of his hair away from his face and said, “Smile for me now, please? You're so beautiful when you smile.”

Kayin let out a long breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, a genuine smile cresting his muzzle as he took comfort in her words, her promise. She would be there for him, and he for her, as it always had been. The moon sailed across the sky that night as they held each other in silence, an unspoken understanding now between them, a trust that could not be broken. That alone would bring them both warmth on even the coldest nights.

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The longest Journey... a fall through the dreaming, into an exploration of the self. This is just the beginning, the first steps into something much much more.

This has been a lot of fun, getting back into the swing of things with  Luthien_nightwolf. This is a glimpse into the world in which they exist, in which events slowly are unfolding about Luthien. Kayin, as ever, provoking and inciting a chain of events that forever changes those it touches.

It primarily revolves around Luthien, whose relationship to Kayin is slowly discovered over time, through the journeys she undergoes. Going further back than either of them might imagine. All good things in time.

Kayin, is as ever, a complex being, mostly just esoteric. His relationship with Luthien, complex and not yet fully, truly, understood. Luthien is still with Theorn, as Kayin is forever with Ariyah. The lives and loves of immortals is complex, and there is more than one twist in this tale yet to come.

Thank you, Luthien, for the words.

Kayin ©  wanderingpariah
Luthien ©  luthien_nightwolf
Writing © wanderingpariah and  luthien_nightwolf
Artwork © luthien_nightwolf

Do not repost or reprint without written permission.