Tigress (Kung Fu Panda) grows jealous of Po's Dragon Warrior status, and takes advantage of a New Year's tradition to prove she's his equal in all things...including eating.
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This will be a short series containing much stuffing and massive weight gain.
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Ol'Squeaks figured he'd make a New Years tale of sorts.
This is also a tie-in to a picture request by Cyberfox which will accompany this tale. A sort of illustration fer it :)
Yes, he's still workin' on other requests, but he works in the order he feels he can do them best and with his mercurial moods this order can be unpredictable.
But he does hope ye enjoy this latest tale!

Happy 2012 ^^

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Kung Fu Panda: Year of the Tiger

It might have been the victory high from the defeat of Emperor Shen wearing off, the new years looming threat, or the fact that a recent training exercise in the swamplands had brought about a nasty two-day fever she was only now recovering from, but Tigress was feeling dissatisfied. Normally the morning routine watching Po break his record for dumpling stuffing would make her smile, but not today. She raised a half-hearted cheer along with the rest and luckily none of the others could see her dispirited eyes.
It had bothered her since the curious nightmares. Always the same. She would see the temple of Kung Fu, but in its courtyard stood an enormous statue of The Dragon Warrior himself in all his podgy glory. The Furious Five all bowed in reverent awe, laying more gifts of food on the massive pile already ringing the statue’s base. But Tigress brooded in the shadows, glaring at bulk of the edifice, her bitterness undisguised. She’d always awaken with a gnawing, empty feeling at her core.
It should have been her! She was the best warrior, the most conditioned, the finest Kung Fu artist of the Five by their own admission. She had spent her life toning her paws, her limbs, her body to physical perfection, her mind clear of any but the most necessary thoughts made transcendent by daily meditation. The Dragon Scroll was unimportant. It was the principal of the thing that raised her back furs.
Even at practice she stole irritated glances at him. And just to look made her growl now. He was a big a wiggling blob! No muscle to speak of at all, no acuity in his talons and his mind was endlessly preoccupied with his own ego or pursuit of still more fodder to cram into his craw. Her analytical mind had set to the task of determining if Po’s intelligence was linked to his eating habits. Perhaps something about binging triggered some kind of response of the humors. It certainly wasn’t a beneficial effect like acupuncture.
But impossibly, this exact opposite bodily excellence, this poor stumbling childlike creature, this glutting, spluttering imbecile had been chosen by fate as valley defender?
And more to the point…why did she like him so much?
More often then not she wondered at her own sanity, or lack thereof.
“Hey Tigress!”
She blanched a lighter shade of orange. Being caught in something as wasteful as brooding was deathly embarrassing.
A stout arm flopped onto her shoulder.
“You looking a little down today. Doesn’t seem right to me.”
Po. His wide, sleepy grin practically filled her eyes. Her frown even twitched.
But pride is a stubborn thing. Master Shifu had once joked that Tigress should have turned her’s into its own impenetrable style.
“Don’t I have the right to feel how I want to?” she muttered, brushing his hand away.
The big lug looked instantly crestfallen. Funny how his emotions had no transitions and just seemed to bleed into one another. Po was a being of highs and lows with nothing in the middle, unless you counted his legendary paunch.
“Gee.” He frowned in thought. It looked painful. “I guess I just meant today of all days seemed like a weird time to be all mopey, you know?”
“Today of all times?” she raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah!”
He suddenly gripped her around the waist and spun her around so rapidly she couldn’t ready a defense. When her eyes had stopped revolving they settled on a multitude of paper lanterns being hung from the temple eves. Then he spun her again and stopped her, just in view of the carts being hauled in through the gate laden with fireworks.
“Its New Years!”
Tigress nodded coldly but Po was still beaming, practically shivering with excitement.
“The whole valley’s going to be celebrating! They’ll be fireworks and lanterns and flags and one of those big fake dragon things and music and…oh man! It’s going to be so AWESOME!”
Tigress bent all her will to banishing the slight betraying smile on her lips.
“Better still I’m having all the guys over to my dad’s noodle shop! The whole meal deal free and mixed with an extra helping of his secret ingredient!”
Her response was a vaguely interested look.
Po misinterpreted it as her asking for him to talk more.
“The Furious Five all under one roof! Well…” he chuckled. “I guess…we all live under roof already, but I mean like eating and stuff. Only…we usually eat together too in the pagoda. So I guess it’s the Furious Five under one roof…eating…again.”
She held up a paw and he gratefully smiled, realizing he had permission to stop.
“Sounds lovely.”
Her voice was noncommittal at best.
“Fantastic!” Po clapped his hands. “I’ll round up the rest. Meet you in the village in five!”
Tigress’ eyes widened.
“Wait…I’m meditating in caverns moments from now.”
Po exhaled, waving his paw.
“But you do that, like, every day!”
“If I fall out of practice I will be disloyal to myself.”
“But shouldn’t you also be loyal to this sometimes?”
He patted her on the stomach.
She felt a lump rise in her throat and a warmth break out on her cheeks.
“I’m also fasting.” she practically snarled. “I don’t believe spiritual fulfillment can be reached on a full stomach. Its distracting.”
The Dragon Warrior’s face was incomprehension personified.
“How can you hope to reach fulfillment without being fulfilled? Besides, I kind of like a little distraction now and then. Maybe a little distraction is good for the spirit?”
Tigress laughed harshly.
“What would you know of spiritual fulfillment or enlightenment? You practically fell into Kung Fu blindly…”
“Actually I kinda DID fall into Kung Fu. Only I wasn’t blind. I was sort of banged up by falling to the ground when the rockets on my chair kicked out WAY too far above the ground…”
“My point exactly!” she folded her arms. “It was all a big accident!”
Now she could see hurt in his big shiny eyes. Something in her throbbed at that. She felt her skin prickle, something like triumph gleaned from that pained expression.
It felt horrible, but it was a horrific pleasure as well, like pounding her paws against the ironwoods until they went numb.
“An accident…”
For a moment she thought he might turn and slowly walk away, defeated. Maybe he sniffle pathetically, realizing that she had seen through him to the weakling where others always seemed to see the hero. Whatever his reaction she had won this encounter. She had something on The Dragon Warrior himself. She and he knew it.
But then, beyond all reason, Po broke into a broad grin.
“You know what Tig? I get grouchy when I’m hungry too. Lets go round up the rest of the guys together, okay? We’ll make it an early lunch!”
He lugged her arm around her and began just leading her away. All will had drained from her body and she just followed, feet moving as if in a trance. Her expression was stunned but Po chalked it up to yet more symptoms of acute hunger.
“Actually, I keep calling them ‘The Guys’ but really, Viper is a girl too…right? I mean she sounds like it, but then again snakes don’t really have the clues. She might be a guy who likes body paint and long eyelashes. I’d be the last to complain…”
In his arm Tigress could almost recapture that old feeling again, that security and comfort when she was around him. Maybe he didn’t know it but he had a firm grip, a kind that told you within it that the person who had you wouldn’t let go no matter what occurred and that he would protect and stand up for you. He was pretty presumptuous to just bus her around, but his innocence, his kindness, and his exuberance was overpowering.
However the nasty feeling in his hollow gut fought back and she held on to her resentment. Friend or no, he was an enemy. An obstacle. A rival.
And somehow, this New Years as the page turned to a fresh time of promise she would show them all that this would be the Year of the Tiger.
No longer the Year of the Dragon.

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Mr. Ping’s eyes filled with joyful tears as five distinct silhouettes dominated the setting sun. Not only did it mean a quadruple order of his famous Ramen but the scroll posing and autographs sold this evening alone would probably buy him a new wing to his existing establishment, if not allow him to open an entire chain throughout the valley.
Or, considering that his son has literally saved the country recently, all of China!
“Welcome, welcome!” he clucked, bowing and scraping as each warrior entered. The restaurant was packed but the central table had been reserved in advance, not to mention shamelessly over decorated with ornate table clothes, finely crafted dining ware, and myriads of colored streamers.
“I assure you if you enter hungry you will leave not so much!” he speedily took Master Shifu’s cloak and stick which the red panda responded to with a polite bow. “All of it free for the evening in honor of the New Year!”
A cheer rose from the assembled guests.
“That is, free for the Furious Five!” Mr. Ping added quickly.
A groan of disappointment to match the fervor of the cheer rang out.
Tigress listlessly took her seat, glaring at the menu. It wasn’t cold but her hair was bristling all over. Maybe she could just pick at her food a little, laugh civilly at the lame jokes told, and that would be the end of it. She could get past the evening without having to care at all about anything.
Then Po plopped a gaudy paper crown on her head.
Then evening celebration was far too rambunctious for her to enjoy. Monkey, who had notorious difficulty with alcohol, somehow found a bottle of finest rice liquor and even before the sunset faded was dancing on his head in the middle of the table while all the other’s clapped in time. Viper underestimated her own tolerance and spent most of the party trying to unsuccessfully chat up a handsome windsock.
“Hesh jush shy.” She hissed dreamily.
Po kept trying to get Tigress involved in the frivolities and she spotted Master Shifu give her an encouraging look once, but she wouldn’t give in. She nibbled, sipped, and laughed politely and continued to do so mechanically until the point that Mr. Ping exited the kitchen holding what looked like a wooden pendant on a chain in his wings.
“May I have your attention!” he honked.
Mantis laughed hysterically at an off color joke told by Crane.
“Your attention please!” Mr. Ping bellowed.
Finally the activity slowed and voices fell to a hush. The proprietor held up the pendant for all to see. It was in the shape of an animal, but what Tigress couldn’t make out at the distance.
“It’s a tradition at the House of Noodles to make the New Years just a little more special for a lucky guest! The one whose kind matches the animal of the calendar year gets both this fine hand carved pendant and my personal assurance of an all you can eat extravaganza!”
Murmuring rose into delighted gasps while the stork bowed gratefully.
“Oh man!” Po clasped his paws together and sighed. “I hope it’s the year of the panda!”
“Um…there is no year of the panda.” Stork said quietly. “Besides, aren’t you his kid?”
“Oh yeah.” He shrugged. “Still, that’s a nifty looking necklace.
Come to think of it, what year was it? Tigress had lost track of passing seasons and dates and pointless occupations like that in the midst of her mentally exploring the unfathomable mysterious of the cosmos. Last year she was pretty sure had been Ox.
That meant this year would be…
A necklace slipped over her and she yelped in surprise.
“Annnd the lucky young lady is…!”
Mr. Ping looked blank.
“Um…what’s her name again?” he whispered, pointing at the top of her head.
“Tigress!” Po coughed.
“Tigress!” the stork cheered.
She felt her paw hoisted into the air by a surprisingly sturdy wing.
As one The House of Noodles erupted into wild applause. She could only stare, nothing fully registering. It defeated the purpose of remaining isolated when suddenly a hundred pairs of eyes were fixed on you from all directions. She looked at her chest and saw the crude effigy of a smiling animal. It was discernable as a tiger only by the three stripes on its back.
A menu was thrust into her face and she took hold of it reflexively.
“All you can eat!” Mr. Ping cawed, half in joy half in anxiety. “A promises is a promise. Just choose an item and my staff will see to that the bowls are mountainous and your tummy is happy!”
The beginnings of a plan were forming in her mind. She had always liked cause and effect, actions that lead to a reaction logically no matter by what road. While her bad mood had preoccupied itself mostly with jealousy and unkind thoughts, that engine of reason was still hard at work behind the scenes trying to determine a plan of attack, the reason for Po’s popularity and why he had been chosen as a Dragon Warrior. It must be a secret held behind a door she’d never opened before this, a technique she hadn’t dreamed of.
Her roving gaze settled on his prodigious waistline that bulged where he leaned against the table…and she knew.
“THIS.” She said decisively, tapping an item with her claw.
“Oh?” Mr. Ping took the menu and squinted.
“Double portion.” She snarled, taking up and gripping her spoon.
“Its already the Sumo Platter.” The stork chirped nervously. “That’s the largest item you can order from the shop at one time!”
Tigress thought on this. Mr. Ping sighed with relief when he saw her put a paw to her lip.
She’d reconsider.
“Three of those.” She pounded the table with her fist to make the point.
“Th…th…three?” he spluttered.
“Double portion each.”
The Furious Five gawped in wonderment, much as the rest of the room did.
But then the applause began all over, this time in recognition of sheer bravery. Paws, wings, tails and insect legs slapped her on the back as her fellows gathered, loudly voicing their encouragement.
“Wow!”
“I didn’t know you had such an appetite, Tigress!”
“She’s never faced an enemy she didn’t defeat before!”
“Go get em kiddo!”
She could see Po’s expression of true admiration and awe and for the first time of the evening she smiled a genuine smile. Master Shifu looked bemused and clapped quietly, nodding encouragement. He was glad to see his student do something outside routine.
Only none of them knew this wasn’t simply a party boast or a wild chance for the sake of a show. Tigress was deadly serious in her intentions. Clearly Po had mastered a hitherto unknown art through his eating, a Kung Fu powerful enough to contend with raiders and emperors alike. If she could gain proficiency in stuffing herself, maybe even surpassing Po’s own capabilities, she would understand at last what made him special.
And then, with this power, she would overtake him.
She would be named Dragon Warrior as she always should have been.
Her resolve plunged sharply when the Sumo Platters arrived, three double portioned, all three roughly the size of three Ramen bowels in one and loaded to the brim with glistening noodles and mounds of steaming pork. For a moment she lay a paw on her chest, speculating whether her insides were capable of holding this much food at all. A sting of fear struck through her thoughts as she began to realize there might be no going back. Her tone, her muscle, her very shape could be altered if she went through with this.
It took one look at Po to harden her will. The spoon plunged into the noodles, spun a charge of them oozing with broth, and with some difficulty she crammed the whole load into her mouth, chewing defiantly.
Her friends began chanting her name at the second spoonful. Mr. Ping cautiously placed a mug of rice liquor near to Tigress, thinking that she’d appreciate the ‘help’ in her monumental task, but she ignored it. All her attention was focused on the three bowls, as if they were armed foes squaring off. With violent jabs she fished out fat pieces of meat and rammed them in for a little variety. She prodded them lifted and swallowed a drifting egg. After the seven spoonfuls of noodles she decided the pace was too slow. She looked for a second fork but none was to hand quick enough so she just reached her free paw into the bowl and shoveled in a secondary helping in tandem with the other.
She didn’t heed the clear broth dribbling from her chomping lips. She didn’t care that noodle bits and egg now littered the tabletop or that some pieces were clinging to her carefully maintained fur. Eating was all that mattered. Tigress was used to total focus on a singular purpose and once locked in she could not, would not be swayed. As with all things either she would defeat her opponent or she would be utterly defeated in the attempt.
She would never quit as long as she could draw breath, which coincidentally was becoming more and more difficult as she constantly shoved foodstuffs into her face.
With her eyes alert to the noodles and nothing besides her other senses kicked into overdrive to compensate.
This was highly annoying…especially as the changes to her began.