This was originally intended as a rough draft of a painting I had intended to paint for some one very special to me on Valentine's day, however I came to learn that my feelings were not shared and so my love was left unrequited. and while I may never fully recover from this upset in my life I am trying to move on and improve myself.

This is what i want from life though. some one to Love, Roses, Coffee, and Happiness. I would be contempt with these simple pleasures, Life is to short to live blinded by vain ambitions, some times the best thing you can do is simply live, and enjoy the miracle and the beauty of life.

I pray that one day he will forgive me for what pain I caused, I pray that one day he will understand just how much I loved him. But I understand now that by my actions he did not feel the same, there is nothing i can do to fix that.... I only pray that he is happy now, because he deserves his peace.

I However can not see a prayer for it for me....

Those of you who know me know me as a strong, supportive person who would take a bullet for a complete stranger and then have the strength to hug the gunner.

Those who have known me a long time know that I have a lot of emotional scars from situations metaphorically similar to this.

I am hear to tell all of you that under that I am weak, I am the furthest thing from perfect and every cut i take stays with me forever.

I thought two relationships ago that i was too scarred to be able to handle much more, but my nature drove me to continue my search, to keep looking. and i was broken again, and then I experienced the worst case scenario.

I fell in love with some one that I could not have, so i was cautious, I was calm, I took my time, tried to go the slow approach, in hopes that a slower start would make for a slower end, and that this time I could keep this one.

Well nothing changed, the same time limit applied only this time because of my pace my love went unrequited, I held on blighting my time, all the while growing more and more attached, I wound up making the mistake of placing all my trust in him, all my hope, all my dreams, into some one who had still not made a commitment to me, I was committed in the worst way and I payed the price. When news was broken to me of his true feelings I was destroyed. I am still destroyed.

My schedule, my life, my world had become centered around him. so I just didn't loose my love I lost my goals, my life, my routine, my world, worst of all I lost my best friend because of it. Because of my hasty emotions I lost everything, and now I'm having to rebuild my life... and its hard.... I will never be the same after this....

This is all my fault, and yet... there was no way i could have seen this coming....
The only consultation I have is that I'm still alive, and i will keep living... I will learn from my mistakes...



Rant over.....