Me as a pony named Petal Song.

I wanted to add an explanation just putting it out there that I'm not a transexual, but what would that mean? Not a whole lot. I think I'm just going to open a vein here and let some rambling pour forth until I'm satisfied.

When I was around twelve years old I often fantasized about being a girl. It had two big overarching appeals to me that even in those simple fantasies crossed my mind in wonder.

Firstly I figured the societal paradigms would fit me a lot better and the expectations for my interests would make more sense; it would be a great match with my perceptions of how people were treated. In my forays girls seemed to get a lot more credit for the things they did that I valued. I'm still not sure which sex this sexism is more unfair towards, but it felt like a larger assessment than just having gone by the behaviour of my 'friends' - verily it stretched all over the known world.

Now this might seem like a fairly sophisticated way of thinking for a twelve year old to justify or explain his strange daydreams, but no worries, I was still very dumb elsewhere.

You see, the second thought was that girls weren't expected to be obsessed with sex; they wouldn't need to be and could go through life just fine without having it play into their life. Of course I later learned that it's not a matter of obsession but how it is displayed at large. At the time it's what I thought though - how little I knew about relationships and the finer social exchanges, but perhaps it was an early glimpse of my asexuality.

Well now, this sure was a very personal way of explaining it. I've always liked simple little flowers. I even kissed their petals sometimes.