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Story / Fat Furs
Species Bear (Other)
Size 120 x 120
File Size 130 kB
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More from donthegrolar
I've taken much too long to post this up. I was going to wait for the edits, but I didn't want some people to kill me. So if you find any text problems or something that sounds strange, just roll with it, it's been lightly edited by not the full go that I usually take my stuff.
Second thing to state. As you're reading through it, you might see that not everyone is exactly focused in on in length. I'm going to fix that as the episodes go on. As to the second episode, that should come along much faster. Already on the fourth page or so. Mr. Uncle, I told you I would get you back :D.
Also if some of the explanations of weapons or technology is confusing here is the wiki site for Stargate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate
Of course you need to navigate around a bit to get to all the technology. You're all grown ups and I have faith in you.
Lastly, I'm submitting this in word, so if it doesn't work for some of ye...GET MW dang it. No, just tell me and I'll see how it comes up in the Rich Text Format.
Second thing to state. As you're reading through it, you might see that not everyone is exactly focused in on in length. I'm going to fix that as the episodes go on. As to the second episode, that should come along much faster. Already on the fourth page or so. Mr. Uncle, I told you I would get you back :D.
Also if some of the explanations of weapons or technology is confusing here is the wiki site for Stargate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate
Of course you need to navigate around a bit to get to all the technology. You're all grown ups and I have faith in you.
Lastly, I'm submitting this in word, so if it doesn't work for some of ye...GET MW dang it. No, just tell me and I'll see how it comes up in the Rich Text Format.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Bear (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 130 kB
After reading the story a second time.
I like how you tried to state how orderly a slob could be when there is a distinction of military being clean and cleanlyness in general (Being an army brat my self, my father and his friends all made sure us kids understood that fact, expecially when your playgrounds at times were muddy hills and huge backyards.). While there is a small counterdiction its not a bad one, instead its very well written in as a character trait. I cant help but love how you put a focus of the story at first on his position with family in the army, its a real thing, and has away of coming back to hurt older and younger relations when blood ties become more important than the mission.
Its not that text heavy for a fattening story. If you look back at some the more accomplished writers, Such as lupine or blimpwolf in the fat fur area of writing, you'll find a good set up can lead to a much Bigger and pleasureful, if not Exceedingly juicy event for character/s.
The scenes have helped fill out More about the characters little nuances and quarks than just throwing them in would do. I personally dont know Ember, Cap Furry, and Truck other then from what i've seen From Sirkain Gallery or FA piccies. There will be readers down the line who Never Saw a piccie of ember with a cup cake and make the corrolation that might mean if you hadn't wrote that scene of him eating so many of them. (*winks* Should i ever meet Ember, i shall make my special Starburst Candy decorations for his batch of cup cakes.*)
at 23 pages And still going incredibly strong, I Cant wait to see the next story chapter, and being an avid fan of the Star Gate series. I hope to see more but i hope you don't burn your self out. the story looks like its going to be incredible.
I like how you tried to state how orderly a slob could be when there is a distinction of military being clean and cleanlyness in general (Being an army brat my self, my father and his friends all made sure us kids understood that fact, expecially when your playgrounds at times were muddy hills and huge backyards.). While there is a small counterdiction its not a bad one, instead its very well written in as a character trait. I cant help but love how you put a focus of the story at first on his position with family in the army, its a real thing, and has away of coming back to hurt older and younger relations when blood ties become more important than the mission.
Its not that text heavy for a fattening story. If you look back at some the more accomplished writers, Such as lupine or blimpwolf in the fat fur area of writing, you'll find a good set up can lead to a much Bigger and pleasureful, if not Exceedingly juicy event for character/s.
The scenes have helped fill out More about the characters little nuances and quarks than just throwing them in would do. I personally dont know Ember, Cap Furry, and Truck other then from what i've seen From Sirkain Gallery or FA piccies. There will be readers down the line who Never Saw a piccie of ember with a cup cake and make the corrolation that might mean if you hadn't wrote that scene of him eating so many of them. (*winks* Should i ever meet Ember, i shall make my special Starburst Candy decorations for his batch of cup cakes.*)
at 23 pages And still going incredibly strong, I Cant wait to see the next story chapter, and being an avid fan of the Star Gate series. I hope to see more but i hope you don't burn your self out. the story looks like its going to be incredible.
Ah yes, I know there wasn't really much fattening involved, but I needed to explain perhaps the background leading up to their arrival and I chose fat furs instead of inflation due to the fact that almost all the furs are fat and the inflation portion is much smaller. While much more of a fan of Captain Furry's work, I have read Lupine's and a few others and they're stuff is pretty good and I always do try and strive for longer pieces. I try to keep them down to the 20 mark though for obvious reasons such as no one will read them.
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