Intriguing, a good and very short story. One technical suggestion, when you save the notepad click on the format selector and choose UTF-8, I can see you're having the same problem I was having until I found out that little tip.

Thanks

No problem it really helps when you see when you have certain marks in your story for punctuation and other things that the site doesn't picking up to to coding discrepancies.

2nd person is an atrotious POV to write in. It's typically reserved for choose-your-own-adventure novels between that and the formatting I couldn't read past the second sentence. I'd suggest taking a college level writing class.

im not looking to improve. this is just something out of my head ... literally.

if you're not looking to improve, why did you ask me to look over your writing?

asking about the content. what it was about.

well, i can't read it. because of the reasons i stated above.

what about my other writings, they are not in 2nd person.

Nicely dreamlike. I remember thinking about how intriguing the similarities between save games and beliefs about serial immortality through reincarnation could be, and how it might be interesting to do a longer story or novel exploring that. It seems a nice short format is potentially just as evocative!

So, commentary - I know one of my challenges as a writer is that I have a tendency to think in long, convoluted and rambling sentences, strung out series of related thoughts with potential yet limited links. On the other end of that spectrum are terse, atomic thoughts, as small as they can be to convey an idea which then gets used to construct larger ideas.

I'd say that good writing can visit both extremes, but tends to spend most of its time in the middle - mid-sized thoughts that flow into each other both within and between sentences. That way, the flow seems neither disjointed and choppy, nor overly convoluted and intricate such that one gets lost.

I think even if we're trying to be evocative of something which is supposed to be disjointed, like a dream, it can be better to use the terse, simple statements sparingly. Create the mood, renew the mood, but let things flow, in between.

it was not ment to be a dream.

i honestly did not understand what you mean when you said evocative