MAGIC MISSLE

Announcer: Dungeons and Dragons. Satan’s game. Your children, like it or not, are attracted in their weaker years to the occult; and a game like DnD fuels their imagination, and makes them feel special, while drawing them deeper and deeper into the bowels of El Diablo.
Announcer: This afternoon, the Dead Ale Wives Watchtower invites you to sit in on an actual gaming session. Observe the previously unobservable, as a hidden camera takes you to the inner sanctum of Dungeons and Dragons!

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Red Mage: Galstaff, you have entered the door to the north. You are now by yourself, standing in a dark room. The pungent stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls.
Fighter: Where are the Cheetos!?
Red Mage: They’re right next to you.
Galstaff: I cast a spell!
Fighter: Where’s the Mountain Dew!?
Red Mage: In the ‘fridge, Duh!
Galstaff: I wanna cast a spell!
Fighter: Can I have a Mountain Dew!?
Red Mage: Yes! You can have a Mountain Dew. Just go get it!
Galstaff: I can cast any of these right? On the list?
Red Mage: Yes, any… any of the first level ones.
Fighter: I’m gonna get a soda, anyone want one!? Hey, Graham, I’m not in the room, right!?
Red Mage: What room?!?
Galstaff: I wanna cast "Magic Missile".
Fighter: The room where he’s casting all these spells from!
Red Mage: He hasn’t cast anything yet!
Galstaff: I am, though, if you’d listen! I’m casting Magic Missile.
Red Mage: Why are you casting Magic Missile, there’s nothing to attack here?
Galstaff: *short breath* I *short breath* I’m attacking the darkness.
*All laugh*
Red Mage: Fine, Fine. You attack the darkness. There is an elf in front of you.
Galstaff: Whoa!!!
Thief: That’s me, right?
Red Mage: He’s wearing, a, uh, uh, a brown tunic, and he has gray hair, and blue eyes.
Thief: No, I…I don’t. I have Gray eyes.
Red Mage: Let me see that sheet.
Thief: Well, it says I have… well it says I have blue, but I decided I wanted gray eyes.
Red Mage: Whatever! Okay, you guys can talk to each other now if you want.
Thief: uh.
Galstaff: Hello.
Thief: Hello.
Galstaff: I am Galstaff, Sorcerer of Light!
Thief: Then how come you had to cast Magic Missile?
*Thump*
*All laugh*
Red Mage: You, you, you guys are being attacked.
Fighter: Do I see that happening?!?
Red Mage: No, you’re outside. By the Tavern!
Fighter: Cool, I get drunk!
Red Mage: *sigh* There are seven Ogres surrounding you.
Thief: How could they surround us, I had Morden Kaiden’s Magical Watchdog cast.
Red Mage: No you didn’t.
Fighter: I’m getting drunk, are there any girls there?
Thief: I totally did, you asked me if I wanted any equipment before this adventure, and I said “No, but I need material components for all my spells.” So I cast Morden Kaiden’s Faithful Watchdog.
Red Mage: But you never actually cast it.
Fighter: Roll the dice to see if I’m getting drunk!
Red Mage: *sigh* *2 dice roll* (both are 4’s) “Yeah you are”
Fighter: Are there any girls there?
Red Mage: Yeah!
Thief: I did, though. I completely said when you asked me…
Red Mage: --No you didn’t! You didn’t actually say that you were casting the spell so now there’s Ogres, Okay!!
Fighter: Ogres? Man I got an Ogre slaying knife. It’s got a plus nine against Ogres.
Red Mage: You’re not there--you’re getting drunk!
Fighter: Okay! But if there's any girls there I wanna do them!

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Announcer: There you have it. A frightening look into America’s most frightening past time. Remember that it’s not your children’s fault that they’re being drawn into a satanic world of nightmare. It’s their gym teacher’s fault for making them feel outcast when they couldn’t do one single pull-up.

8bitDnD Flash version of The Dead Ale Wives DnD skit redone by Pyro Wolf and Saber Wing of Cyber Moon Studios at:
http://www.cybermoonstudios.com/8bitDandD.html

Good drawing.

The suspense is killing him. I hope it'll last.

*laughs* Craig is too cute. <3 I love Beth, too. She's so... manipulating! = D