▣ Warning! As you can tell, this is an essay
> Hopefully my new writing style will help fledgling Bravehearts skim the text
> Otherwise, feel free to enjoy a rather rudimentary 10-minute image with a new main-fur colour I'm testing

▣ Alright. Since there's no stream tonight, I figured I'd give you all a breakdown as to why. Actually, that's far from the truth. This is a highly-abstracted version of a nice cover-story that roughly describes why I feel the way I did today.
> Because my way of coping with things is to make backstories for them
> Can anyone say imperfect? (I'm alluding to the creation of character as much as I am the literal definition)
> Also this is about as close to vent art as I'm capable. So yeah.

▣ Moving on. I'm not known for being emotional. Yeah, tell me about it.
> Even when I'm being `emotional', it's pretty much always faux, and in jest.
> I like to follow zen-style thought, too. It governs a lot of things, but it's not really a thing enforced as just a way I am.
> In this picture, it's kinda a sphere that is formed by, but that simultaneously dampens my raw emotions, what little of them generally exist.

▣ There are two main emotions, here.

▣ The Embers of Creation are, at their most base level: passion, anger, forcefulness.
> Their function is to strive forward and conquer whatever obstacles lie in wait.
> They're what let me remain optimistic despite impossible odds.
> [/i]Fuck everything[/i], this is going to be done
> Warrior's spirit. No man left behind, and all that jazz.

▣ The Gem of Restraint, is similarly overbearing: self-restraint, humility, sadness
> This is the part that stops talking when someone's obviously enjoying talking
> Or reminds me that I'm far from excellent in any field I've ever been in

▣ Umm. There's no third part. I honestly can't remember feeling truly happy at any point in my memorable life
> Sure, I've been relieved, or psyched after a good workout, or pumped after getting some code right
> But they're far and few between, and not what I expect /actual/ happiness to be.
> There's always been that sense of, even if things are going well, "they won't forever"

▣ But yeah.When contained within the Sphere, everything's fine
> I can push onwards on all my projects
> And talk to people without overstepping my mark

▣ So I guess you have all figured out where this is going by now
> I think my recent illness broke the sphere slightly
> Actually, I think it was the lack of food (low blood-sugar usually puts me in a crummy mood, but two days of no food...my metabolism's waay to fast to cope with that shit), but that's by the by
> Today was pretty much like I was on my period
> (SPOILER: Guys don't have periods. But I'm guessing that's kinda how normal-people emotions work)

▣ Mostly flipping between the Embers and the Gem
> Hence their specific designs
> Angry at how nothing I'm doing is any good or doing anything or whatever
> And then so unhappy at how nothing I'm doing is any good or doing anything or whatever
> Rinse, repeat. Many times.

▣ Things are getting back together, but I'm drained, guys.
> I don't think I've ever been emotionally drained, before.
> Fuck.



▣ SO YEAH
> Uhh, I guess that's about it. It's just a long-winded way of saying sorry for no streaming tonight :<
> I'm feeling better now, so if the sphere's repaired itself then hopefully we can return to streaming tomorrow night
> I feel terrible that all the commissions and trades are being put off for so long, but I don't think I have the energy to face up to it all tonight

▣ If you made it this far, congratulations!
> Thanks for reading, or at least skimming :>

▣ F5 for correct eye-colour because I'm a moron