1 hour, no refs, Photoshop 7, Aiptek tablet.

Sorry to annoy you again with some stupid vent art (or whatever my mind created here). I'm back at the beginning. Again. I lost one of my jobs, ok not exactly lost, but the openair bath closed due to the weather. It's freakin' cold here. Now I have minus 260 € each month and I cannot find another job. Everything seems to go wrong at the same time. My tablet still sucks, my comp too. And due to the stress I cannot finish coms. That means no extra income. My back hurts really bad, but that's ok, I think. It distracts me from wanting to hurt someone. The thought of being battered sounds nice at the moment. So I won't have to think about this whole shit. This damn thought of giving up making my high school diploma and making an apprenticeship comes up again. It's somewhere in the back of my head. Making an apprenticeship won't change anything, I just won't have to go through this whole shit. The people from the unemployment center would be satisfied seeing me making an apprenticeship instead of my high school diploma. But I also would take my only chance to go to an university when I make an apprenticeship. But it would save my mom much trouble. I think. She denies it.

Ever felt like you want to die right now just to avoid all this stuff? Or does it make me a sissy?

I don't feel well. I've got a cold. I think it's not that good to work one hour everyday in the cold rain and get wet.
I'm so unsatisfied with my coloring and drawing style. But I also don't have patience to work longer than an hour on something. I cannot draw traditionally, not even when my life depends on! And I got tired of my char. Again. That's why he's all white. I'm jealous on all the other artists who have cool chars with cool markings and colors. And I am where I was two years ago. Without a fursona. No, I won't get rid of Yedaji. He's still me, but it's rather unsatisfiying. *duh*
Sounds werid, huh?