Even though this is nice character development, and an interesting side to Gem that I'm sure will come up again and again...

I just really love seeing adult gem in diapers. >>;


So yeah, multiple things to like about this. XD

LOL thats good then cause this wont be the last time you see her in them

I know! seriously! its like Adult Gem was made for them! or them for her *Evil laugh at my meh joke*

She finally made an F-bomb. ^^

And she needs a hug. *hugs her*

yay hugs!!

Someone need a hug.

She does need a hug and a cuddle.

hug hug hug

*Gives Gem a big hug.*

*hugs*

Bear hug!

wow so much here i regonize some of those thoughts poor gem

woah

Woah to what?

I found a comment you posted 2 years ago XDD

Lol I've commented on the majority of found pages...and of everything else by gem
I thought you were responding to the comment rather than the fact that the comment was there

wow this is a pretty realistic approach for an AB/DL comic that I've seen.

I like it its not overly dramatized or a silly way of someone being put back in diapers or starting to use babyish items or even slowly becoming an AB/DL and yes many people of the AB/DL fetish do have these inner moments where they fight with themselves internally asking "WHAT the HELL is wrong with me?"

This, a thousand times. It's so much more relatable than any other story I've read, it doesn't say, "oh you know you like being a baby, so if we force you to be a baby, you won't feel so guilty about it", Gemma's actually on a real path toward real self acceptance.

Thank you! you sir are the voice of the people!

Fankyoo I take that as a huge compliment. I wanted to do something different, and I just hope I dont wreck it.

your welcome ^^"

i have felt this. i do agree. any ab dl or cub has gone through something similar where they wish they weren't who they were that they wish they were normal. and it hurts. it really does. then you "let the kid out" and it's as if a whole weight has been lifted from your shoulders.


bravo on a job well done on this part.

*blushin'* fankyooo

aw gem needs a big to take care of her and to hold her maybe Paul will be understanding daddy to her. I send all the hugs i can at gem

Fixations always controls the person's ability to think or to thrive in society. It's when we forget that normal is just a state of mind instead a collection of people with its hobbies or interactions is when the fixation will rule us. When you get to the point that this is me, this is what I like, and this is what I will do is when we can start to thrive and to accept ourselves. >.< pilisophicalistism type thingy in a nutshell. Oh well I said something *giggle* =^w^= mew?

mew pounce +^w^+

I have a feeling you have a PhD or something

That how I feel sometime I'm afraid of of losing control and hurting others. I always lose my confidances when it comes to situiation and it feel like I'm been control by my friends and people around me including my parent and myself.

I think we all been control freak sometime with ourselve and there is something we can control we all have a limit to ourselve. and we learn from that mistake and move on.

Paul is going to become her caretaker/daddy. Calling it.

I don't think it'll happen right off the bat tho I think Gem is going to avoid a cliche AB/DL story plot with this

Not right off the bat, no. But he so will. He already seems the caretaker type. And he DEFINITELY likes Gem enough to not let something like that get in the way of his feelings for her.

True but I also think he'll be like WTH?! run out gem is like goodness! later he realizes his mistake or he'll be the valiant one and takes care of her straight off the bat quite a few variables really but I can't wait for more

I can't wait either. I have to assume the laughter will lead to an accident, or lead to her falling, hitting her head, blacking out, going back to the dream, and waking up having had an accident during the dream.

Oh reasonable deduction! im not sure where this is going nice one deterring our guesses gem

You know I know exactly where Gem is right now. Much of my teen years were spend like that, even up to my early years in college. I loved/hated being a cub, it was such a struggle. But yeah, it wasn't until I learned to accept the fact that I have a cubby side, and then learn to balance wit with my life that I became truely accepting of it. Though since I've graduated and tried talking to my mom about my cubby side, I've been having doubts about still being a cub. It frustrates me that she can put these doubts in my head even though I've accepted being a cub. I know it's not the "norm" but I don't care. Sorry, I'm going to cut myself off here before I get into a rant.

Anyway, really great comic so far Gem! I've really enjoyed following it. To be honest I never expected when I first started reading this back around pg 10ish that it would get this long or complex, and that's not a shot against you. I just didn't know where it was going to go hehe. I hope at one point when this is finished you make this into a physical copy. Would be great addition to my library :) *lotsa lotsa huggles and cuddles from the otter*

Keep up the good work!

This is the Binge Purge cycle. EVERY AB GOES THROUGH IT!!

The binge Purge cycle is where the AB allows the comforts and delights of being themselves. Being a baby, toddler, little, or cub. The Purge cycle is where the person realizes what they are doing, and trys to think of their personal image towards others. This image is often thought of as weird or bad, and the person strips every aspect of the "Weird" or "Bad" thing away. Humans want to be normal in this world, and wearing diapers and sucking on a paci while cuddling a plushie at 25 isnt normal at all. If anyone would like to read more about it, feel free to take a look at http://understanding.infantilism.org/purge.php The UI website is a great place to get information about many aspects of AB's. The best part is that UI is also a research site, so you can learn a great deal about who, or what you are. They also have sections for talking to parents or your kids, and anything in-between. ^^

There's no such thing as normal in the context you're using it in... How can we be normal if we're not the same? We may be humans, but that doesn't mean we have the same DNA.

The context that I am using it in is the same context that someone may use when they see themselves as different. For instance, you have 10 guys, all of them have different likes and dislikes. All dress differently, but one dresses out of the norm, by dressing in womens clothing. That one wouldnt feel normal around the others, even if the others were comprised of gays, furrys, adult babys, and the such. One person will see the rest of the world as "normal" Of course, we know it isnt

Good point. It does work for what you're saying, but it doesn't change the fact that to be 'normal' is the same as being an idiot. There's very few times when the word normal is even acceptable to say imo. But, like I said, it does make sense in your comment.

not such a silly statement any more :P

The good part about my experience is I went through the whole binge/purge cycle back when I had nothing but my feelings and desires, nothing to actually throw out and regret later... living as I did at home and going to high school, I couldn't risk getting any kind of diapers or other stuff. And over the next few years I got over it, and THEN started getting actual diapers and stuff. :3

I hope we all find balance

True, Gem have balance. When she i sleep. She can be AB side & when she is up she can be adult side.

Is it bad that I feel like Gem will later fall into a concossseion and be in her Baby dream stage for a LONG time?

I CAN'T BELIEVE U SAID THE F WORD

I don't say the F word.

I can see the personal involvement you have there with Gem. I can understand where shes coming from. I felt like that in a similar with Furry. I still do on occasion. It must be awful to be in that predicament I'm glad you feel more settled.

._. I want to hug her now...

I know I've had those thoughts many times. usually I just end up reinforcing my walls and keeping people even farther away. I know I shouldn't be doing that, it's almost instinct for me now.

Gah do i know that feeling. Especially the last several months. With everything building up my cubby side is screaming for attention.

I know how that is, heck i STILL lack real friends, but I guess its allright really, or at least it will be

oooh Gem said a swear!

I think I'd probably feel the same way once I get the chance to endulge on my cubby side

Great concept; now let's see you capitalize on it!

Somehow this page hits home. Maybe a little too close.
I know I've been through similar thoughts a lot. Haven't found an answer yet.

Nah, I always loved being a freak. It was the one thing I had to hold onto when I was younger.

After a while the cupboard isn't so dark or scary actually.

This makes me sad. come outta the cupboard kay, come play!

Nuh i made a pots and pan monster, his name is Simon and he needs me.

I can say I very strongly identify with the feelings here but for me it's coming from a very different place.

Poor Gemma. It can't be a good thing to spend too much time psychoanalysing yourself...

Psychoanalysing is my new favorite word when I wanna sound smart! :)

i would help Adult Gemma be more happy because most of the time i do care about her as a friend but i do love her scenes of her in a diaper which makes it more cuter

I will admit, this is in my opinion the smartest i have see adult Gem yet because she is now taking time to think about the situation that she is faced with and she is beginning to find a way, by herself, to figure out the most logical way to deal with it and to open her self up to other things and people, i REALLY love this strip :3

I am loving how some of the stuff I learned in Psychology and Early Childhood education keep popping up ^^ This scene is really great emotionally and visuall ^^

Okay... There's multiple things I need to say, mainly about the description.
First off, this is the first page I've read (I was surprised to see adult Gem in diapers and decided to click on it), but I plan on reading the others eventually.
"I wouldnt get close to people, I hated physical contant, I had very few friends and I thought I was better off that way." PERFECT description of me atm... I'm 15 so I'm still around the age you were going through this. Anyway, I've always been really shy and I'm finally to the point of "screw it... I have a few GOOD friends who aren't afraid of being a little different and I don't have to deal with much drama... It's better than having 20 friends that complain about everything and aren't any different from anybody else." As for accepting the babyfur/babyside of myself, I did that a while ago after I realized it wasn't going away. Even in doing so, I'm not all that happy. I've finally been able to be happier bye meeting people online like myself and just recently drawing for them.
Btw, cupboards aren't scary... Then again, my favorite places to hide have always been small, dark places. I hate having eyes sensitive to light >.< I do agree with what you were trying to say though.

I too struggled with this during my teens and twenties. I think it's quite normal for people who have this as a part of themselves. It doesn't make it any easier of course.
But I've learned not to sweat the small stuff or continue to worry over things you have no control over.
"You are who you are" Very wise words!

I feel Gem's sorrows. (I have problems that make me feel like a baby.)

Poor Gem

Come here littleone for a VERY BIG HUG.

*toddles up shyly for hugs*

the last panel is really nice. it is amazing how your emotion can be shown

Does gem live in an apartment with an upstairs, or is there a chance someone could see her through that window? Just saw the window and went. "Plot opportunity!"

Yeah she lives in a block of flats but the apartments in those flats are really swish executive flats

I have that side, and all I do to help it is hide it and hope not to get caught or laughed at.

Huh.... reading the description got me thinkin. Wonder if that's why I'm so stressed. I'm living with my parents for the moment but living here I'm being forced into being something I don't want to be and I haven't indulged my baby self in almost a year now. I think ya mighta just brought the main source of my own problems into view sis... thank you! *hugs*

I am having the same problem. Haven't been able to really 'cub out' in about 10 months. And now I am moving in with my mom so its just going to get worse. XD

Gem needs many hugs. I'm just the fox to give them! *huggles*

*hugs hugs hugs*

This page makes me want to cry, this whole comic, it touches on so many points other stories dont even come close to, I absolutely adore the way you are developing gem as an adult, I cant wait for the next page

This comic is truly amazing and I get super excited when it updates!

I'm constantly having this struggle with balance now that I've gotten over a lot of the acceptance problems... Heck, this summer I've been prone to sleep far past what I need just to re-enter a dream world, whether or not it involves babying. Your description of it all is just, spot on...

Keep up the fantastic work! *hugs*

So you just let go, what If you can't afford to let it out of that dark recess in the back of your soul.... Because a roof over your head food in your tummy and the acceptance of your mother rides on it staying hidden you seaming "normal". Then what. This page sums up the last month and a bit of my life but unlike gemmy it has to stay in that dark creepy recess.


But thank you this comic warms my heart every time I read it.

~lots of love Jacie

Well I was like this too you see. I didnt dare explore my baby side until I had moved out of my parents house. I think you'd have to be really really very brave to risk being found out if you still lived at home. Once i had moved however, thats when I started to explore who I was

Just had to drop in to say how be-yoo-tiful that last panel is!

Well at this point I have a question: is Gemma an AB? I mean, I'm pretty sure none of us have had experiences like Gemma's had -- abandoned by her parents at a young age, passed from one foster home and orphanage to another, no memories of her childhood, successful career, then suddenly starts having dreams about being a baby in a daycare center -- but nothing about her parents, with whom she certainly must have spent the most time when she was that age, especially her mother. But more than that, her dreams have recurring characters -- who know things that she doesn't know and lead lives that continue while she isn't dreaming them. It verges on the supernatural. I don't think most of us are like this. :)

That said, she is still discovering a hidden side to herself that would surely be embarrassing if it were found out, and if she doesn't find out more about it, she's certainly going to hurt inside.

I've often said the best stories come from the writer's life. Well done with another example of such.

People cry, not because they are weak. It's because they have been strong for to long. It seems to me that Gemma as a child, and even as an adult, would have become hard like steel to the world and to everyone around her to survive, but the harder one becomes the worse the break could be, i think Gemma is rushing head long towards that break. I can not help but wonder if these unnatural dreams are Gemmas only chance to avoid, or survive, that moment. I'm very interested to see what will happen and where this story will lead as there have been many points in the story that has me guessing. Anyhow keep up the good work.

*Sara (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/6656798/) gives Gem a hug* Sweety you're having a rough time aren't you? I'm sure it'll work out.

F...F..Fankyoo for hugs

you make a good point...this is what i would give as advice. unfortunately, my mom beats me back into that cuboard since she thinks im mental. T^T

I have already been outed when my mother kicked me out the first time she then talked with me and in another word she said i need to stop being a freak and fall into social norm so I can live a life get a wife and have kids .....I'm gay.....about a week later she apologized for the wife comment...

Talk about taking an emotional turn for the worse @_@

Hope she gets better :3

Wow, heavy. Still good tho

Heavy is good sometimes, it adds depth and background to the character, even if it's something small like "They were picked last for kickball" (GASP) or "Never had any friends" It's still a major detail to them

That thought pattern have probably been through most ab/dl's head, the problem is : accepting to be weak and needy of someone else is only socially acceptable for women.

And now you have your answer to that question you asked me years ago about why so many male ab/dl have a fantasy of being a little girl instead of a little boy :)

We all have the same need but only half of us can potentially turn it into a lifestyle without clashing extremely hard with social conventions.

Gem. Your inner baby want to play, have fun, be love.

I was in my teens & I have little brother who need wear daipers. I wear his diapers. I'm now in my 50's & I let my inner baby come out to play & I feel helpless.

Really, i dont have words to say, all people has said about im thinking about the drawing, just keep this work, really awakes on me, the baby have inside from me.
Is like Gemma are myself

Gem need a hug.

Sadly I've had those very same struggles with myself - even when I was younger and couldn't really act on my inner kit. That was especially the case when I wanted to simulate the feeling of being padded and such. It doesn't help that you want to enjoy your inner kit while on the other hand you have the pressures of a real world where you're supposed to fit within the framework of "society."

On a more "local" level, it's trying to not feel like I'm a prisoner of my fetish/inner kit while at the same time not to feel like I'm a prisoner when I cannot explore that. Thankfully though Gemma in this strip doesn't have to deal with parents who are against the whole think and think it's a waste of money and will ruin your mental state.

It's just frustrating to say the least.

Gem was happy when she was a baby.

Been there. Although I don't go back to babyhood, I'm still a cub mentally. It does raise several fears and battles within.

O_O Bad gemma! cursing is not proper behavior for a young lady

*eeeps and hides*

*sniffs you out n picks ya up* sorry dear guess i was a lil rough

Man, this struck me right in the heart, this is exactly how I felt when i struggled about being an ABDL then later on babyfur, you think you are the most messed up person. But then end up feeling so relieved when you learn that it is "Ok", and that many people are into the whole cub, pacifier, an diaper thing.

From Exexcutives to your Mcdonalds clerk, anyone could be one. =/

damn ninjas chopping onions in my room *snif*

Define crutch. The thing that keeps you moving forward even though something inside is broken, often something important.

There is no shame in a crutch, as long as it helps you keep going. At least not nearly as much shame as there is in letting the pain beat you..

Very true and i agree whole heartidly but...Gem here in this comic has never needed those sorts of things before, and to suddenly have to accept that you have a weakness when for all this time you believed yourself strong must be a difficult thing to come to terms with

Oh... I understand...

Though, strength isn't a matter of a personal trait, its a matter of situation. I have, through my life, found that most of the people who would be considered "Strongest" are the people who have the least to lose, where as those who would be perceived as "weak" often have a lot of baggage they are carrying around, and probably just don't talk about..

I really wish Gem would try to find Zee Zee, Rasile and every other relative and good friend she knows then adult life could be transformed into a paradise once she's united with the best of family and friends.

That's the power of the "thinking pacifier"

TLDR short attention span D:

Oh my gosh, I relate so much to this. The weird part is I know I shouldn't, yet I still can't help but let this side of me keep me from seeking out a relationship. "She'll never accept you. You'll just freak her out. She'll hate the idea that her big, strong man is actually a big, helpless baby inside. You're better off alone."

I tell myself I'm not better off alone, and that I need someone in my life, yet my brain insists on sabotaging this desire.

Of all the pages so far this has to be my favorite. I've had these feelings, the on-and-off binges and purges. One day i hate being a TBDL the next I can't get enough. I could bore you with more, but I'll leave it at that. Great page.

This hurts me so much in ways I'll never be able to express. Too close a hit to home,and it hurts i think its time to take a break.

Babies don't say naughty words.

I know I've had a lot of thoughts about that relating to furry and a few other aspects of my life, though even before I got into any of this stuff I've always carried around my teddy bear. I never thought of him as an emotional crutch though I suppose he can function as such. He's always been my buddy, like Calvin and Hobbes he's everything I've always needed him to be, probably the only friend that'll never leave or betray me and understands all of me, weird and normal alike. I know he's more than a stuffed toy for me. He's totally family.

Though sometimes the thought that it's not normal actually amuses me for some reason, because it's different and such.

It's an odd dance, the desire to want to be normal and yet different.

Though it's definitely one of those pages with a lot of depth.

It's such a hard lesson when you learn you need this. I spent so many childhood years never opening much to my closest friends even though I kept close to them. Most of them already treated me like garbage a lot of the time... but those who were not my friend treated me so much worse.

Video games and writing and drawing... and Legos... those were my real friends. The ones who would not judge me. The ones who were always there for me when I needed some coping. Worked through so many problems on my own. I was so good at being on my own. Part of me wishes I still never opened up as much as I did. But much like accepting your little side... you really can't go back on it...

The way you said you were as a teenager is about where I am in my life and it hurts. I hate it more than anything but just as this character, I have experienced my trust shattered. My mom has found about this once, and she called me a freak because of it.

This all speaks out to me very well. The feeling of rejection and fear of abuse and being outcasted, something that I have been trying to fight for years now. I’m not one for speaking much as I am afraid I might say something I’ll regret or offend someone. I’m not even confident in posting this as this is from seven years ago and that I doubt it’ll mean much.

I’m always putting myself down as I feel as if I’m not that special. My opinions, my purpose, my life... what does it any good for a shattered person to have any say in the world? This is what I have felt, what I still feel to this day.

For the past couple of years I’ve been going through more phases than I would like to admit, more recently after finding this comic and Shine, I’ve been noticing a missing childish side I thought that died after my first attempt. The “attempt” should be obvious what it is, and “first” means that it wasn’t the last. But that childish side, something I’ve thought to have not exist because of me constantly thinking that due to me being an isolated introverted child because of an overprotective parent and little to no friends, I’ve been acting strange to the point that I am noticing. And I’m abnormal in general, so that’s saying something.

Because of my isolation and the way I’ve seen people, combined with my attempts for a relationship in the past, and the numerous times I have felt/been betrayed, this has sparked my cold, dead, cautious outlook (had a word for this but lost my train of thought) towards others, and thus have kept away from anyone possible. Unless I work with them and get a good perspective view on what personality they are and how they work, then I open up to them slowly, but never fully. Last time I opened up to much, sparked attempted number 2 after finding out what my real purpose was.

Lately I have been questioning what am I. Sometime I don’t see myself as the gender I am, but either the opposite, or both. And as a abdlbf? I sometimes wonder if that’s a possibility as well as I have never thought of any of this until reading these comics.

I think I’ve ramble enough. Love the comics and your work toddlergirl/BabyStar. Never stop what you love doing best.

See, I've come to learn that there is no such thing as "normal." "Normal" is an imaginary concept that we fragile, scared, insecure humans use to desperately cling to things and people and situations that we've adapted to. If the very concept of "normal" is different for everybody, then "normal" doesn't even exist to begin with.

All the while, we shut out things and people and situations that may seem strange to us, but MIGHT actually bring us the care and support and love and joy that we didn't even know we needed. Or forgot we needed. We isolate ourselves in these tiny bubbles, too horrified to try something new. Or even consider trying something new.

Please, break free of your bubble before somebody gets hurt.

Your artwork always makes me very warm on the inside. Your comics are the best!

I know it to well..
=//>//=

It’s kind of concerning how much I relate to this. :(