Okay, who's in the mood for an experimental story based on Portal? Nobody? Well too bad!

I decided to try my hand at writing a comedic story based on portal with at least some of the witty, snarky dialogue. And yes, GLaDOS is in the story. This is just the start and if I find it fun enough and if people like it well enough, I will continue with it! Enjoy. That's not a request.

At the conclusion there will be cake and grief counseling.

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“Welcome to the Aperture Science testing center!” said the strange, robotic voice. “Thank you for helping us help you help us.”


The voice greeted the mutt mix in the small, cubic room built with clear plastic walls. The mutt’s fur was light brown with blonde over his chest, abdomen and down to the very tops of his thighs. He had a long snout and two pointed ears, with the right one folded forward, like many Spitz puppies had before maturing fully. Of course, he wasn’t a pup…he wasn’t very old either, maybe twenty-years old, but probably a year or two younger than that.


“Hello, subject name: Humphrey,” spoke a new, cold, but strangely feminine computerized voice.


“Please proceed to the first testing chamber where we will begin the first test. For science.”


The last part sounded almost…excited.


Humphrey looked around his enclosure curiously but also almost panicked. Desperately, he began clawing at the transparent walls, trying to escape! All he had on was a white tshirt that fit him quite snuggly that read had the facility’s name and logo on it, an orange jumpsuit not at all dissimilar to what inmates at state penitentiaries would wear, and finally on his feet were a pair of very strange boots. They were made and fitted specifically for his hooked, digitigrades legs but had an odd…springy sort of contraption behind the heel, which he quickly found helped a great deal with balance. However, he suspected they served another purpose.


As he continued trying to find a way out of what he could only deduce was a cell, the cold, computerized voice came over the speakers again.


“My, aren’t you eager. Don’t worry you will get to test very soon. Portal will open in 3…2…1.”


Suddenly a hole opened in the only space on the four walls that wasn’t transparent. It had blue, glowing edges but appeared stable. However, through the hole, he saw…himself! The fur on his neck bristled and his tail stiffened! It was like the first time he saw his reflection in a mirror when he was a pup, only this time it was much more frightening! It was from the side and, whenever he moved, he saw himself move from the other angle. He turned to face the side that he was seeing himself from and found a very similar hole outside of his cell, only this one had glowing orange edges. He was able to see himself through the other hole as well!


Suddenly, the voice spoke again.

“You are taking too long.”

The room was then lifted up and tilted at an angle, with the wall that had the hole with glowing blue edges tilted downwards. Humphrey sprawled out and kept himself from falling through the strange hole, his entire body trembling! After just a moment, the robotic arm holding the cell began to shake it up and down. Everything was fastened firmly to the floor of the strange cell, except for a radio that fell and hit him in the back of the head!
Finally, his grip failed him after a few seconds of shaking and having the radio “clock” him in the head, so to speak. He tumbled out but, strangely, found himself standing strange up with his nifty boots absorbing all the shock form the impact of the landing.

“Hmm…” the first sound he had made since the ordeal began was one of curiosity.

“Erf!” followed immediately after when the radio fell through the portal and hit him in the head once more.