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Story / Fat Furs
Species Lion
Size 120 x 120
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Hey, I actually submitted something! Yay, I guess. This is the first chapter in a shortish story I've started writing recently and is just about the first story I've ever written outside of English class. So go easy on me.
The world this story takes place in is a classic kind of medievil(sp) fantasy world where furs and regular animals coexist. I kind of made it that way as a play on that joke about evolution, "If we evolved from monkies then why the heck are there still monkeys?" and on how most furry stories make no mention of normal animals at all. Also you get more writing options that way.
The first chapter involves consensual forcefeeding (if there is such a thing) of a "civilized" lion and the rest of the story will continue on from there. I hope you like it and if you notice anything wong with how I've written the story or if you have any suggestions on how to write better I'd love to hear them. Even if you don't like it then I hope you at least lie to me and say you like it. I just hope someone reads it :o
Some warnings for brief language and suggestive situations. Any similarities to any persons living or dead is unintentional and also very unlikely. Enjoy.
The world this story takes place in is a classic kind of medievil(sp) fantasy world where furs and regular animals coexist. I kind of made it that way as a play on that joke about evolution, "If we evolved from monkies then why the heck are there still monkeys?" and on how most furry stories make no mention of normal animals at all. Also you get more writing options that way.
The first chapter involves consensual forcefeeding (if there is such a thing) of a "civilized" lion and the rest of the story will continue on from there. I hope you like it and if you notice anything wong with how I've written the story or if you have any suggestions on how to write better I'd love to hear them. Even if you don't like it then I hope you at least lie to me and say you like it. I just hope someone reads it :o
Some warnings for brief language and suggestive situations. Any similarities to any persons living or dead is unintentional and also very unlikely. Enjoy.
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Lion
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 41.5 kB
Listed in Folders
What? I'd feel pretty tense if I woke up randomly chained down :o. Also it is only the first part of the story so it should go somewhere eventually. Not to mention there's probably of hundreds of things technically wrong with it that I just wouldn't know about, like dangling participles or comma splices or whatever.
Really though, I mostly wrote this for my amusement as just an attempt at creating a piece of fat furry fiction, or whatever you'd call it. I was mainly worried about sounding repetitive or dry in my writing, or having muddy descriptions. I was also hoping that it was at least technically sound from a grammatical perspective, my word processing hopefully handled most of that though. Even with that I've transposed "his" with "her" and had a bunch of strange sounding sentences.
I'm hoping that as I go along there'll end up being more structure as more gets explained. As it stands now though I'm making up most things as I'm going along with a vague idea where I want things to end up. I'll probably go back and rewrite everything by the time I get finished, whenever that will be. I'd guesstimate that I'll probably write around 4 more chapters or so. For all I know though this could go for one more chapter or twelve.
Thank you for your input. I'll try yo keep what you said in mind when I write. And thank you very much for taking the time to read it and comment on it too. I was afraid it was going to end up like a lot of other stories I see where they have like 200 views and not a single comment :o
Really though, I mostly wrote this for my amusement as just an attempt at creating a piece of fat furry fiction, or whatever you'd call it. I was mainly worried about sounding repetitive or dry in my writing, or having muddy descriptions. I was also hoping that it was at least technically sound from a grammatical perspective, my word processing hopefully handled most of that though. Even with that I've transposed "his" with "her" and had a bunch of strange sounding sentences.
I'm hoping that as I go along there'll end up being more structure as more gets explained. As it stands now though I'm making up most things as I'm going along with a vague idea where I want things to end up. I'll probably go back and rewrite everything by the time I get finished, whenever that will be. I'd guesstimate that I'll probably write around 4 more chapters or so. For all I know though this could go for one more chapter or twelve.
Thank you for your input. I'll try yo keep what you said in mind when I write. And thank you very much for taking the time to read it and comment on it too. I was afraid it was going to end up like a lot of other stories I see where they have like 200 views and not a single comment :o
The nuts and bolts of the writing are good enough that I didn't notice anything wrong grammatically while reading it. This either means there weren't any, or the story was sufficiently interesting that I wasn't processing for grammar, take your pick of complements. (I'm not sure I've ever offered a smorgasboard complement before ...) I just got to the end and wasn't sure anything had really happened beyond 'chained lion meets girl gourmand' which happened pretty much on page 1, so ... perhaps there's some plot there that I missed, that's all. I liked what I read, it was well crafted, it was just a well crafted and left me feeling like something was missing.
A lot of the writing on FA is ... well, I don't feel able to leave comments, much as I'd like to, cause I can't find anything good to say. As a writer, I understand it's nice to get comments, so I try to leave them whenever possible.
There is no way to edit or remove comments that I've found, short of appealing to the Moderator Gods.
Cheers,
Onyx Tao
Heh, chained lion meets gourmand about covers it. This is essentially my bizarre and fetishy version of a romance novel with stuffing people taking the place of sex scenes. As of yet I haven't come up with much of a plot to be the method to the madness. I'll try to take care of that in future chapters. One of my other fears was also being long winded, so I probably could've shortened it up a little.
And thank you for the complements, they mean a lot to me :D
And thank you for the complements, they mean a lot to me :D
For the first few minutes, I was waiting for something very unclean to happen, what with the whole wearing nothing but a loincloth. I was thinking, "NO!! Not that! Get back, back you seductress!!!!" If you write any more stuff, just keep some of the 'stuff' that would make it unreadable for certain ppls out? It was good, anyway. Keep on writing!
lol. What a funny reaction :). Heh, yeah around that time I was thinking, man this is starting to go in the wrong direction, so I kind of reigned it back in and turned it around to where it was supposed to be going when Eric finally asked why he was there. Don't worry, I'm planning on keeping the story g rated. Well, pg-13 anyway, or whatever. The whole being undressed thing was just to go with the theme of helplessness and also that's just the way she would've found him. And I just think it's funny :)
I'm really glad you liked it.
I'm really glad you liked it.
This is a lot better than most of the stuff I see out there--to such an extent, that I read it all the way through and didn't cringe. I'm VERY picky about writing, I guess because I'm a writer myself, and while I don't consider myself to be any sort of expert or master, it's hard for me to deal with stories full of bad grammar and spelling, as well as numerous typos.
At the risk of sounding sarcastic, I congratulate you on your use of spell-check. I'm sincere in this, however, as it's appalling how many stories contain numerous mispellings. Granted I'm probably not spelling everything correctly, here, but this is just a post, not a "finished work" of any sort.
I'm also a fan of the concept of things that are somehow both forced and consensual. It's difficult to work, but it can be done.
Anyway, keep writing--things tend to get better just through practice. And feel good, too, as you've got all the important stuff down, it's just a matter of aesthetics, really, and that's all quite subjective. This is not just a good start--you're much further along than that.
At the risk of sounding sarcastic, I congratulate you on your use of spell-check. I'm sincere in this, however, as it's appalling how many stories contain numerous mispellings. Granted I'm probably not spelling everything correctly, here, but this is just a post, not a "finished work" of any sort.
I'm also a fan of the concept of things that are somehow both forced and consensual. It's difficult to work, but it can be done.
Anyway, keep writing--things tend to get better just through practice. And feel good, too, as you've got all the important stuff down, it's just a matter of aesthetics, really, and that's all quite subjective. This is not just a good start--you're much further along than that.
I found the setup rather entertaining, the way she was toying with him while he couldn't do anything about it. The scene you mentioned in my own story definitely fell short of this, i've never fully focused on such a scenario before. I liked it and will get to your others when I have the time.
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