Another little depressing story about my lost love. I hope this is enjoyed by people.



I sit as a sadness befalls me. And yet, not a single tear graces my cheek. I am sitting all alone where no one can see me. No one knows of the pain I am going through. I hide it all to myself, not wanting to bring anyone down. The pain and sadness fills my heart and I feel I cannot let it out for fear that I won’t be able to stop what has come of it. I fear that the tears will start, and I won’t be able to stop them. My fear of everyone else knowing stops me from crying, from letting out the emotions I feel today.
My love has left me, and now I feel so alone. There was nothing I could do or say to get him to stay with me and to be mine. I knew I could never have him as my own, but I wished it could be. He wasn’t meant to be mine for keeps, but I still hoped I could have him and be happy. Sadness and loss has filled this day of mine, making it one of the hardest days of my life. Only few can compare to this one, and they are all sad and depressing.
He gave me one last gift before he left, and I shall think of our time alone when I am feeling down. These thoughts shall be what keeps me going until we shall meet again one day. Perhaps on that day, I can make him mine. But would he be willing to be mine someday? Could I truly have him for myself? I wish I could know the answers to this, but I never shall, I fear.
The only way I could ever know is to ask him, and my shyness about such things stops me from ever asking. If he were to hear my inner most thoughts, maybe he wouldn’t have left, and I wouldn’t have to go through what I am going through now. I love him with all that I am, even when I tried to not become attached. At first I thought it might be puppy love. Something that wouldn’t last, but has lasted and grown into something much more than that.
Will these feelings ever go away, or will they stay and haunt me for life? Will the choices I have made put me into a depressed state where I can no longer find someone to love that can love me back just the same? But what could I have done to get him to stay? What could I have done to convince him not to leave me? I guess I will never know.
My heart is not meant to be whole. I was not meant to have someone I can truly love. I don’t see me ever having someone I love and care about being with me for the rest of my life. The first I had felt that way about cheated on me and treated me cruelly. The second couldn’t see past himself long enough to see what he had right before him. As for the third? Well, his love for me wasn’t the same as my love for him, or at least it isn’t to my knowledge. I feel that if his love for me matched what I feel for him, than he never would have left me. He would have found a way to stay and to be with me.
I know my thoughts are selfish, but they are what they are. The love I feel for him outweighs the pain and sadness I feel from him leaving. My heart races when I think of the day when he comes to visit, if he ever can, and wishes that he will still be single so I can try to make him mine so I can keep him with me forever. I try and sleep now, with this sadness filling my heart.