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Wow, this ended up being a very therapeutic vent. You can skip it if you want.
I have a lot of depression and anxiety issues. Some of it is chemical, but some of it I know I bring on myself.
I'm an obsessive people pleaser.
I've been known to lose all sense of self to try to make myself into what people want me to be, I break my back trying to keep other people happy, and if I can't solve somebody's problems I tend to freak out like someone shot my best friend. I seriously can't stomach the idea of people being unhappy, I get paranoid about people being mad at me to the point it can grow into an obsession, and I exhaust myself socially to the point that I can't deal with people anymore.
I can't deal with conflict and negativity seems to affect me ten times worse than most people I know. I'm the type of person who can get reprimanded at work and spend the rest of the day crying because I let somebody down. It scares me because, try as I might to control it, I can't seem to get a handle on it.
I can't maintain relationships. I worry about if I'm capable of keeping a job (never been fired yet, but...). I have panic attacks.
What it comes down to is that I just want people to like me, I guess. I want people to like me because I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared of failure, and I'm mortified of being hurt. I've kind of felt like a kicked dog my entire life, people doing things to me and me legitimately being unable to understand what went wrong. I usually blame it on "I must have done something," and I drive myself crazy trying to never do anything "incorrect" again.
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around literally everyone. It sucks.
I'm hoping that if I keep on the right track, I'll finally come to terms with what I logically know is true: I can't please everyone. I'm not Wonder Woman; I can't fix everyone's problems. That mistakes happen, I will make some people upset, that I'm not a failure just because somebody gets mad at me or dislikes me.
And maybe then I'll stop feeling so much like a kicked dog.
---I have a lot of depression and anxiety issues. Some of it is chemical, but some of it I know I bring on myself.
I'm an obsessive people pleaser.
I've been known to lose all sense of self to try to make myself into what people want me to be, I break my back trying to keep other people happy, and if I can't solve somebody's problems I tend to freak out like someone shot my best friend. I seriously can't stomach the idea of people being unhappy, I get paranoid about people being mad at me to the point it can grow into an obsession, and I exhaust myself socially to the point that I can't deal with people anymore.
I can't deal with conflict and negativity seems to affect me ten times worse than most people I know. I'm the type of person who can get reprimanded at work and spend the rest of the day crying because I let somebody down. It scares me because, try as I might to control it, I can't seem to get a handle on it.
I can't maintain relationships. I worry about if I'm capable of keeping a job (never been fired yet, but...). I have panic attacks.
What it comes down to is that I just want people to like me, I guess. I want people to like me because I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared of failure, and I'm mortified of being hurt. I've kind of felt like a kicked dog my entire life, people doing things to me and me legitimately being unable to understand what went wrong. I usually blame it on "I must have done something," and I drive myself crazy trying to never do anything "incorrect" again.
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around literally everyone. It sucks.
I'm hoping that if I keep on the right track, I'll finally come to terms with what I logically know is true: I can't please everyone. I'm not Wonder Woman; I can't fix everyone's problems. That mistakes happen, I will make some people upset, that I'm not a failure just because somebody gets mad at me or dislikes me.
And maybe then I'll stop feeling so much like a kicked dog.
Category All / All
Species Kaiju / Giant Monster
Size 488 x 700px
File Size 383.2 kB
We're not on this planet to love everyone, and especially not for everyone to love us.
In the sense of, you will get along swimmingly everybody. It won't happen, because it cannot happen. We need down time, to not always be engaged 24/7...but, more on topic.
If you're yourself, you're genuine. If you're genuine, people like you for you, and YOU like you, for you. I'm finding, at the times when it's just you...it pays off to like yourself.
...but, wehhhh, I shouldn't muse when I'm half-awake.
In the sense of, you will get along swimmingly everybody. It won't happen, because it cannot happen. We need down time, to not always be engaged 24/7...but, more on topic.
If you're yourself, you're genuine. If you're genuine, people like you for you, and YOU like you, for you. I'm finding, at the times when it's just you...it pays off to like yourself.
...but, wehhhh, I shouldn't muse when I'm half-awake.
Haha, I've got this issue that I'm basically an open book when it comes to emotions. It all comes spilling out eventually. The Internet is a good place to get it out of my system.
I am actually SO SCARED of worrying people offline that... I don't much talk about this kind of thing, haha.
I am actually SO SCARED of worrying people offline that... I don't much talk about this kind of thing, haha.
FIRST: The picture looks good. Coloring, especially. You might be getting better than me at coloring hair lately, which is ODD, but...I guess not really surpirising considering I haven't colored anything in forever. (I only say that because we both know hair has been MY THING for like FOREVERRR. I don't mean I own it, I mean it's one of my artistic focus...es. Foci. That made sense, shh.)
SECOND: No, you can't make everyone happy. You need to just give up on that eventually since it can't happen (though you already know that). Prioritize. Focus on the people who matter and just be moderately nice/helpful to everyone else. That way you can save your emotional energy for the people who matter (and yourself), and not waste it on random people whose opinion doesn't.
And...look. I'm saying this as someone who is ALSO feeling pretty kicked in this regard, especially this calendar year. So I know it's easier said than done, but you can at LEAST prioritize a little, right?
(I do kind of wonder why you didn't come to Katherine or me with this if you knew it was bothering you. :/ We would have tried to talk you through this. You used to say that helped a lot. And I feel like a terrible person for admitting this, but yeah, I saw this a while ago and didn't know what to say. But if you came to me, I definitely would have tried to help. I never mind that, okay? I WILL REPEAT THAT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE ME.)
SECOND: No, you can't make everyone happy. You need to just give up on that eventually since it can't happen (though you already know that). Prioritize. Focus on the people who matter and just be moderately nice/helpful to everyone else. That way you can save your emotional energy for the people who matter (and yourself), and not waste it on random people whose opinion doesn't.
And...look. I'm saying this as someone who is ALSO feeling pretty kicked in this regard, especially this calendar year. So I know it's easier said than done, but you can at LEAST prioritize a little, right?
(I do kind of wonder why you didn't come to Katherine or me with this if you knew it was bothering you. :/ We would have tried to talk you through this. You used to say that helped a lot. And I feel like a terrible person for admitting this, but yeah, I saw this a while ago and didn't know what to say. But if you came to me, I definitely would have tried to help. I never mind that, okay? I WILL REPEAT THAT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE ME.)
I feel like that somehow came off so mean AAA. I just got stressed and bitter about something else (not really related to THIS issue, so don't worry that you caused it), so my emotional energy is, like...pretty low right now.
(...And my medicine ran out a few days ago, but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I'm trying not to automatically assume EVERY time I'm upset is definitely depression, since...everyone is upset sometimes, right?)
(...And my medicine ran out a few days ago, but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I'm trying not to automatically assume EVERY time I'm upset is definitely depression, since...everyone is upset sometimes, right?)
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