Long Tails are the Bomb Diggity!

I actually understand how you feel, relatively speaking >.<

*hugs* I know how you feel.

you already know i'm the same way. I've tried going into relationships, but i just dont feel anything when i do. and now i just have no interest or desire for one.

Mhmm. Your one of the few people that can trully understand. Yet I cant help but feel a jealous anger to other couples when I see them.

yeah... I feel that sometimes, but on a more mild level since i don't really want it, but it's still there...

Its something you want to experience and you see others experiencing something you yearn for. Not necessarily a particular person, but the experience itself. My mate  mercy said that he felt this way for years and years, until he met me. You may develop those feelings later on, or maybe never. Doesnt mean you are a "freak" or "not capable of relationships", some people dont require those giddy or deep emotions to show love and affection. Some people dont even need relationships at all, just close friends and family they can trust and be with, and thats perfectly fine as well :3 <3

Yeah its not exactly the people but the FEELINGS they are expressing that gets me jealous :c

Lots of people seem concerned however that Im just 'giving up on it all.' When Im really not xD

Thats great to hear :3 Go with the flow, and live life with the philosophy of "you never know!" <3

daww u look so cute

get sleeps and also awesome piece ^__^

i get like that too :/ i feel like i dont wanna be apart of anything with another person at times yet i get so angry hateful jelly at others who are just sucking face or being all cutesy like which makes me wanna vommit , its so confusing and i know how you feel :< i kinda wanna be a loner and at the same time i dont wanna be or atleast experiance lovey feelings

well you know i'm always your friend right?

You're one of my favorites on my friends list even if we don't talk as much.

in a crazy world we're in i'm glad I have you as a friend.

as for love, don't worry about it, you're very likeable and love will turn your way.

I agree with you full heartedly an understandably. "offers a hug or a hand shake"

It's only you haven't found the right person to give you THAT feeling, it's a feeling that can't be described in full..... But trust me, the person will come from literally out of no where, and just show up, but it will only be up to you weather you wish to fully interact with the person, so don't be afraid to talk to people, to be friendly. Hell the person who is right for you might be the next store clerk you talk to, or even one of your best friends. You just have to wait, and hope, and look around.... most likely this person will become a quick best friend at first.... normally a best friend is the one who is a wonderful counterpart

On a more serious note....I can relate.

Its not so much that I don't want relationships, its that I'm not exactly driven to seek them. I have few friends and of course, family, but the few close relationships I've had, just haven't panned out for me the way they seem to work out for most other folks. Its like, I can enjoy being around others, but I can't seem to get to the point that a statement like "I couldn't imagine life without them" would ever be true.

I can recognize healthy relationships, and I can spot really unhealthy ones...but I seem to struggle to figure out how to get myself truly invested in any relationship of my own.

I don't know why I'm even typing this right now honestly, or more specifically what I hope to accomplish with this brief response, but maybe its just to attempt to convey that you are not alone in feeling a little lost with why other people seem to manage to have really good relationships while you yourself seem to be more of a spectator than a participant.

I think for me it's being able to trust someone and have them understand you, and they feel the same for you. You want to be around them and you grow as people together... It's like friendship on drugs or fire or whatever else. Lots of really good, but when it gets bad it's completely unbearable but you push through it because it's worth it... I guess you have to throw yourself into it and trust the other person and get hurt and get passed it together.

I've dated a lot of people and I've only really felt so safe yet completely crazy with one person. I dunno. It's weird I guess? You may be aromatic, but I would google love and the phases of it and see a professional before writing yourself off.

I can relate to what you're feeling as well, I'm the same way when it comes to relationships. I don't understand it, but at the same time I feel worthless when I see a couple together, makes me feel left out. Like the other people said: You're not alone in feeling this way.

I'm kind of the same way, in that I only feel up to "squishes" about people. I'm not one that's looking for romantic dates or wanting children or anything, I just wanna be with somebody in a way that makes both of us happy. u3u

Girl I feel your pain. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I'm not happy whenever I see people together I get completely jealous of what I can't feel. You need someone to talk with I'm you big loveable gay horse.

Maybe the person right for you is your best friend. it's what happened to me.
sometimes the person you are looking for is even closer then you think.

i feel the same way. so many of my friends just fall into love and i have yet to be even close and when i try its with friends and never is more than the friendship. Right now being the age I feel like i have to force myself to put my face out in the dating community to ever have a chance but really don't have the "want" or i guess lack the sexual desire to try further...Its real depressing when you live with 2 people in a good relationship but i try to stay supportive even if my envy gets the better of me at times. Guess this happens to us small group of souls that don't find that special person at a younger age.

Precisely. And the more you fake it or try...it just becomes more painful. :c

Tartii, I've been having those SAME emotions for most of my life. I've been there. I know exactly how you feel. I've dated all different kinds of people before, but I could just never get past seeing them as friends. Nothing more. When I broke up with them, I always felt NOTHING. They always got upset, cried, freaked out, insulted me, got hurt, felt betrayed or lied to... but I always felt a complete absence of basically every emotion I SHOULD'VE felt, in that situation. In fact... I was always happy to move on, and be single again. I felt more secure, when I was single, because I felt as though, I just had more liberties to be who I wanted to be, and nobody could ever change that. I didn't have to worry about loving someone, or hurting them. I never had to worry about looking good for anyone but myself. I never had to change my ways for anyone before. And I CERTAINLY was never searching for anyone... I was much more spontaneous. I never tried to hook up with anyone, because I knew I never loved anyone, or had crushes on anyone (well, I did, but very rarely), or accepted to date people because I WANTED TO. There were a few guys that really liked me, or found me attractive, and they asked me out. Usually, I wouldn't give them a straight answer, because I didn't know HOW to answer them. And if I did, I would usually say no... bluntly. Which pissed them off, everytime. The few times I said yes, were ONLY to guys within my circle of friends. And I could not get past seeing them as just friends, so I always broke it off. I felt nothing when they kissed me. I never wanted to kiss them back. I never wanted to show affection, PERIOD. It wasn't that I was scared to (as one of my exes spitefully put it), it was that... I just wasn't sure HOW to. I always felt like I wasn't girlfriend material. I honestly believed that I was Asexual, and that I would never end up with anyone for the rest of my life, and I would grow up and die alone... that was honestly my worst fear, and it upset me to even think of that. I felt like something was always WRONG with me. Like, I SHOULD be able to love, as it is in human nature to... but I just... CAN'T. Whenever I saw long-lasting relationships, it never usually bothered me, until I was forced to sit across from a couple, heavily making out. THAT pissed me off, because I was always so jealous of them, and I wanted to know what they felt, as they sat there, just mindlessly ramming their tongues down each others' throats. But at the same time... it disgusted me. Love, and ESPECIALLY sex, were both putrid, vile, and unimportant things, in my opinion. My main focus was always going to art college, so that I could become famous one day, working for Disney! I always told myself I didn't need anyone else... I was fine on my own. But periodically, I got depressed, and WANTED someone there... there just was never anyone there, that I WANTED. So it ended with me being endlessly confused, and generally, still very much depressed.


BUT, on the bright side, I can assure you, that you WILL find love someday! Trust me! I have a boyfriend now, and we've been dating for almost 10 months, by this point. We're both happily in love, and we're even already talking about moving in together, and someday getting married (he says we can, in two years, but I highly doubt that LOL)! And listen to this - I met him by ACCIDENT, on Facebook! Turns out, we went to the same high school together, but he was a Senior, when I was a Freshman. We obviously never had any classes together, but we did pass each other in the hallways, occasionally. I remember seeing him walk by, and I would just stare at him, and study him. Came to the conclusion he was cute, buuuut, we never talked at all. We were also both in the same Anime Club that year, too. But he was having heavy depression battles, and dealing with a mentally abusive girlfriend, at the time, so he was RARELY ever there. So, even then, we still never talked. THEN, come December, I stopped seeing him, at all. Apparently, he was evicted then, and forced to move, causing him to be out of the way of that district. So they made him drop out. His life fell to shit, and he got himself stuck in a horrible rut. Ditched the girlfriend, though, and for a while, he stopped looking, as well... he apparently didn't want to date anyone anymore. Eventually, I forgot all about him, and time went on. 3 years later, with me being a Senior, finally, my friend makes a post on Facebook, about relationships, and what makes them healthy, or unhealthy. He had recently added her, and a bunch of other people from our school, who were in the younger grades, just to randomly have friends. So he didn't actually KNOW her. But he commented on her post, anyway, and I actually found it to be very intelligent, and well thought-out. So I commented back, going off of his comment. I didn't expect anything to come of it, but not very long after, he tried to send me a friend request as well. I was ABOUT to decline his request, but something made me stop, and wait... I had a feeling he wasn't done talking. Well, I was right - he sent me a private message, not long after, with this loooooooooooong paragraph, explaining his thoughts in more detail. He said he didn't expect me to read it all, and then ended the message with "Sorry for bothering... Goodbye". But I surprised him by reading ALL of it, and replying back, with another long paragraph. He said "I must commend you for taking the time to read all of that. Nobody else would've" (probably just as nobody else will read through all of THIS load of baloney FFFF). He seemed really smart, and very friendly, so I added him, and we continued talking via private messages. I didn't expect anything to come from it, besides just becoming a good friend of his, but then one day, I gave him my cell number, and we started calling each other every night... then, one day, he actually caught a public bus to come visit me for a day, and we hung out at my local park. The day ended very... magically. Almost like a scene from a dramatic romantic comedy movie. We got stranded under some trees at the park, when there was just a sudden hardcore torrential downpour. It def. wasn't letting up anytime soon, and on top of that, it was FREEZING COLD out (it was in late October). I was shaking like a naked chihuahua, and I wanted to huddle close to him SO BADLY. But I wasn't sure if that'd be okay, considering I still knew nothing about him... so we stood awkwardly next to each other, just staring around, instead. LOL But it was getting late, and he still had to catch another bus to go back home soon, so we had no choice but to chance the rain, and RUN. We darted up the road to the bus stop, and just stood there and hugged each other. He looked at me so differently than anyone else... it was a more genuine look, no doubt about it, and he said for me to run home then, so that I wouldn't get sick. And the whole time, he kept addressing me as "sweetheart" and "love" (though, he does this with everyone, so it's not unusual), but I wasn't used to those more... mature... terms of endearment, so they comforted me... I think I ended up loving him by the end of Day 1... sometimes, that kind of connection does happen. But honestly, you don't LOOK for it - you COME BY IT. It was an accident to fall in love with him, but for Christs' sake, he's THE BEST fucking accident I've ever had to deal with. And now, I safely admit everyday, that I love him with all my heart. <3

TL;DR, don't give up, girl! You'll get there!! I believe in you! <:3

AND SORRY LONG COMMENT IS LONG. I got lost trying to tell you my backstory with my boyfriend, kinda in hopes that it would encourage you to continue on your adventure to find true love. From my experience, I can tell you that life will make a 360 turn for you! Don't tell yourself it's over yet! There's always someone for everyone... even those who think they aren't meant for anyone. <3

AAAAAAAH.....I actually read it all omg. I swear everything you said in that first paragraph is COMPLETELY how I am feeling right now. :c

I dont want to write anything off right now, but this is all basically how I feel at THIS moment. I have a lot of growing to do, lots of waters to test and opinions to grab. But thanks for that, its a huge comfort. ;-;

Oh wow! Im surprised, but thank you for even attempting. haha :'>

Well, at any rate, Im sure glad that all was of comfort for you. Believe me, girl, I KNOW the confusing and misery you're feeling right now... most of my life was lived, wondering if I'd ever find the right guy, or if there even WAS a right guy. But you know, the even more ironic part about the love I found, was, literally a week beforehand, I randomly bursted out to my dad, in the car, that I had been doing some thinking, and I figured that the right person for me, WAS me. Not literally, of course, but basically... a man version of me. lol A guy who was almost exactly like me in every way... someone to make me laugh my guts out, someone who could take my kind of sarcastic humor and not get pissed, someone who could encourage my artistic abilities, and someone who would love me for who I was, instead of treat me like a freak (just as most kids did, during my childhood). He was all of that, and so much more. And the even GREATER thing, is my dad also added that I shouldn't look for an exact replica of myself, because that shows no sign of growth, or a WANT to grow. So I said "Well no, of course not!"... annnd, my boyfriend ended up being about 80% like me, and 20% someone else I could still learn from. So, in MY opinion, I think someone like that, is who you need. I tended to find that most friends that I dated, never ended the relationships well, with the exception of few... so Im sure finding someone new will help out A LOT, because you get to go through this whole, wonderful learning experience, and it feels AMAZING to be able to open your heart, mind, and soul to someone else, and give them your fullest trust. <3

Welcome to the American culture of narcissism. It takes some pretty weird forms, but the inability to empathize basic emotions is usually a tell-tale sign. I'll give you a breakdown:

So I have come to the conclusion that I am obviously not a girl meant for relationships. Period. At all.

You're really just jumping to conclusions. I know this because you're not even out of your parents house yet. IIRC you're not employed or in full time college yet either. You really haven't experienced society as a whole until you've spent some time in the trenches.

Apparently there is a group of people out there known as Aromantics.

I believe the broader term is "sociopath" but let's roll with this.

And it sounds like I prolly fit that label... Im not ready to accept that yet however, and Im still looking into things....i.e. getting professional opinions

If you're labeling yourself before you even walk into the shrink's office, they're going to give you medication. Psychiatry these days is a racket when people with "social disorders" diagnose themselves. Let's also look at the focused picture. You've identified a trait about yourself you don't like. You're confused by it and rather than seek to change it through personal responsibility (I should learn to be more social), breaking out of your comfort zone (I should try new things), or consider you might be fine and just going through a funk (it'll get better when I'm out of the house), you're turning to an external cause. This is the narcism in action. It's not you're fault, you have some disorder. It's the disorder's fault, and you're tragically afflicted. There's nothing you can do.

All I know is, when I look at couples I cant help but be jealous or angry....or maybe its just frustrated. I look at them, and think...that isnt fair. How come they get to feel those emotions and I dont. How come they get to throw themselves into something and experience this 'magic' and I can never understand.

Because they've experienced a lot more in their lives probably and are richer individuals because of it. It's a common misconception amongst middle class white people that they're entitled to the richness of life without going through all 7 layers of hell first.

I literally.
Cannot.
Understand.

Not yet anyway.

I do not think I have the ability to fall for somebody, or feel anything more than a little 'squish'. Its just friendship for me...the only relationships I love and yearn for is with my parents and with friends.

This reinforces my previous statement that you need to get out and experience more. You've never been down and out, so you've never had to rely on anyone. You only know friendship and parental love because that's what you're surrounded by.

I dunno, its a frustrating thing, and quite honestly....makes me feel like quite a loner out here...when the world makes you think that if you arent having those emotions or wanting it...something is wrong with you.

Narcism again, the need to feel a part of a group you're excluded from for the sake of inclusion. In this case the barriers are mostly self-imposed, probably because you don't have any legitimate social stigmas to fight. Racism, classism, addictions, physical disabilities, I'm guessing those don't really apply to your day to day life.

Now watch as the rest of FA tears me apart for not rushing to your side with a virtual box of tissues and telling you it's okay I'm here for you don't worry you'll find someone someday. My job as a watcher is to give constructive commentary and appreciate your art, not be your personal emotional dumpster. You said you have friends and family, seek them out, that's what they're there for.

Actually, sir... all of this is correct, and I must agree with everything you said.

If you read my comment above yours, I made statements that I was similar to Tartii, in A LOT of ways, dealing with this kind of situation.

BUT, I ended it by saying "Don't tell yourself it's over yet! There's always someone for everyone... even those who think they aren't meant for anyone.", because I have personally endured moments like these, also feeling the urge to give up trying, and ultimately coming to the conclusion that I was just not girlfriend material. Yet, I now have a boyfriend, soooo, point is, I was obviously wrong about the label I slapped on myself. Trying to call myself Asexual... HAH. Definitely not. And uhh... also raising the point that, if I could power through it, then Tartii should also have no reason not to. It IS a very possible thing, to find someone to love... what I found, was someone who was about 80% just like me, and 20% something new to learn from. I could not be any happier~

Tartii's problem is a symptom of a greater social ill that's plaguing the nation. In all likelihood she'll look back on this 3 years from now with a hint of nostalgic embarrassment as she'll be much more self-reliant and have a lot more confidence. In the meantime, from an objective point of view, how is one supposed to respond to this? There's no way to do it tastefully without rolling over and accepting whatever they say at face value.

Mmm... I don't quite believe that she's Narcissistic, though. She might, at times, give a vibe of haughtiness, due to her ever increasing popularity as an artist, BUT, as for her, as an individual person, I don't see that. It's not a fact of trying to defend her, necessarily, though, Im also not attempting to put her down, either. Im simply making statements to add some sort of relevancy, that she isn't in fact, alone in this. Yet, even giving my examples of how I might've felt similar to her, I have also provided a response that I felt would ultimately benefit her. If she actually takes the time to read completely through my entire post to her (which I doubt anyone would, honestly), she would see that ending the journey HERE, is not at all a wise decision. Not because I need to tell her that, but because SHE needs to tell herself that. People shouldn't give up on ANYTHING, unless it's perfect an understandable reason to - love, however, is not one of those things. I may have initially thought that, at the start, but I did eventually prove myself wrong. My outlook on A LOT of things have changed within the past 10 months of knowing my current boyfriend (and hopefully he'll also be my last). I can't see why anyone else couldn't do the same... I mean, for me to see life in such a negative view at one point in my life, then to suddenly open my eyes just a liiiiittle bit wider, and see the whole picture, and realize, "Hey, it's not so bad", Im sure she, and anyone else who feels this down about love, can do the same. It may not even have anything to do at all with confidence either - maybe it's just a lack of the right kinds of people that she surrounds herself with, on a daily basis. But alas, we will never know... we don't live her life. And we don't control her mind. So. I guess, all we can stand to do is sit and wait for whatever comes of this. We could either have a shot at saying "I told you so!", OR, she could continue to be stuck in this rut... In the end, though, only she really holds the power to control her future, and all the little puzzle pieces in it. Her job now, is to figure out how they all fit together.

Narcism isn't something someone's necessarily aware of. I can't think of many that would categorize themselves as such, and like I said, it manifests in bizarre ways. Deflection of personal flaws, faults, or discontentment is one example. If this submission was written like this:

"I've never had a meaningful relationship and it's starting to bother me. I feel jealous of other people I see who are in happy, loving relationships because I just can't relate to that. I hope someday I'll be able to experience that, but right now I'm worried. Do you think something's wrong with me?"

It'd be a lot more genuine. There's no deflection, there's full admission of negativity, there's a search for a positive, personal solution. There's no self-afixed labels, no hint of leaving it to the "professionals", and no absolutes, meaning there's a lot of potential for growth. Chances are if she wrote something like this no one would be throwing around phrases like "aromantic", "asexual", or white knighting. It'd be a civilized and probably productive bunch of comments.

The sad thing was I pretty much read what she said and translated it in my head the same way you have translated it here.

How is thinking of yourself negatively, Narcissism, though? I was always lead to believe that Narcissism, was the complete opposite of that notion - to think of yourself conceitedly, and to love you and only yourself, see little to no flaws, and to live blinded by vanity.

If what you're saying was the case, I'D be considered Narcissistic, at moments. I admire myself sometimes, and yet other times, break myself down, piece by piece, for every little thing I find imperfect in myself. I mean, granted imperfection is, and will ALWAYS be a human quality, because no one is perfect. I get that. But there are just plenty of rather down moments that I have, where I'll even go to extents of complaining about my appearance to my boyfriend, and then ask him HOW he finds me attractive. But then again, I think THAT feature, is much less of a human thing, as it is a WOMAN thing. I find that many females are very conscious of the way they look, and are constantly trying to keep up that appearance. Whereas, men tend to find themselves being more comfortable just as they are. But don't get me wrong, Im not aiming to make gender-biased statements, either. I also know PLENTY guys that are appearance-conscious, as well. It's just not as common. I can't recall the last time I saw a dude go up to someone and say, "Man, I hope I look good in this outfit! Does my hair look okay? Should I brush it again before I leave? What if people don't like how I look?", OR, TL;DR, Men are basically just REALLY good at not giving a fuck, and women are ALWAYS good about giving every fuck in the world.

Or at least, that's how I see it, anyway. And you can take that from a woman.
Just one of the things I generally notice, as I go about living my day-to-day life.

But on another, more relevant note, I can, unfortunately understand Tartii's way of thought, seeing as I was once this way too.
So I don't see her acting out against herself on purpose, necessarily. More of... I guess, questioning things? Hoping to find a legitimate solution to her issue? That's how my mindstate typically was, back before my boyfriend came into the picture. I never put myself down to look for pity, or because I actually believed all that I said - it was more of a "mental block", you could say, where I had it in my head that that was how OTHERS envisioned me, and that kind of really upped my anxiety levels. If that makes sense, at all.

Narcism isn't just viewing yourself without flaws, it's importance on the self. This whole "90s kids" phenomenon is an example of narcism. They were the best generation in their minds, consciously admitted or not, and it's reflected in how they can't relate to other generations. It's not thinking beyond the self to empathize. Deflection is a common narcissistic quality, as I've shown here. Narcissists often have negative qualities but those qualities are never thought to be the product of something within the person's control. Mr. Lebowski from The Big Lebowski is a great example of this, "I don't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman took them from me in Korea, but I went out and achieved anyway!"

An alcoholic blaming the booze, a man playing the lottery and blaming bad luck on his constant losing, a student struggling in a class where no one but her is failing and she blames the professor or the material or thinks she was never any good at the subject and just stops trying, thinking the fates conspired against her. These are all examples of narcism. The common elements are usually lack of empathy, compensation, and deflection. Narcissists can't have a straight conversation about their problems without feeling personally insulted.

Oh, ahaha you wanna know something hilarious? IM a 90's kid - born in 1994 - BUT in all honesty, I really HATE our generation.
Like, words cannot even begin to describe how much I LOATHE a vast majority of the idiots that I was forced to grow up with. From the type of music we consider "good", to the fashion we wear, to who we consider popular, and therefor higher on our list of values... oh, I could roll this list down to the floor. LOL Really, Im just one of few kids left, in this day and age, that still have some of their sanity left. But I can tell you right now - the next generation, and all generations to come, are morally FUCKED, because of THIS generation, leading them to believe that what we're going about doing, is all perfectly okay to do. When I was growing up, I was raised to stay inside the house, unless I was supervised by an adult, or in some instances, my older brother, until I was about 7. Then, they finally said, "Okay, you can go out by yourself, but don't wander off - stay in front of the house!", and that law lasted until I was about 12. Around this time, I could venture my entire development neighborhood (there are 5 separate parts), but I wasn't allowed to leave this section, either to go to another section, the local park, or anywhere up on the highway. When I was 15, I finally rebelled against my parents' rule to keep me confined within my section of the neighborhood... or so I thought, only to find that I had actually been allowed to leave, since I was like, 13. SO, it feels strange to me, and angers me a little bit, when I see all the younger kids (as in, they're not even in middle school yet) walking around with each other, ALL over the place, riding their bikes and whatnot, all the way up the highway. And then they have the nerve to harass other people, even OLDER people, that pass by them, and freely insult and taunt them. They have zero respect for anyone. And that both upsets AND terrifies me. I can't even IMAGINE how they will turn out as adults, if THIS generation can't even work to keep their own asses alive.

But on the subject of the blame-game, I've also been there. Just... not quite in that form. I have never understood math - nobody in my family has. Mathematics just has NEVER been a strong-suit for our family. So, with all of my classes being Algebra, and me finding it nearly impossible to multiply numerics by the alphabet, I struggled. Yes, I blamed the teacher, sometimes. Yes, I blamed other kids for distracting me, sometimes. And yes, I doubted my own ability to ever do it correctly, and almost gave up. BUT, as it turned out, the real issue behind my failure was not any of those things - it was my lack of focus. Granted, it's been brought up that I may or may not have ADD, or ADHD, before, but once I was prescribed, and started taking Zoloft to calm my depressive moods, that all went away. Mostly. But it did help me a lot. Almost magically, I had all the power in the world, it seemed, to snap my fingers, and the answers were there in a flash. I actually, for once, had others coming to ME for help. It was pretty insane at first, but I felt like I accomplished something, and I was proud of myself. Now, I could very easily tell you how (X) x 3X = 12, because X is 2, and therefor the equation becomes 2 x 3(2), or 2 x 6 (simplified form), which is undoubtedly 12.

So, point is, the simple solution to this WHOLE thread, is just to NOT give up. It may not be easy, but it's worth it.

I'm a 90s kid too technically, born in '89. I liked the 90s, I liked my childhood. I had a great family and great friends and plenty of freedom to roam around. All of that changed when I was dragged 8 hours away to another state. There I learned to deal with social isolation while I was homeschooled, poverty as we went through foreclosure, and gradually watched my dad go insane from mental and physical disabilities. It was tough, and there were probably things I could have done to smooth things over, but I was scared and directionless. I still got a job at 16, taught myself to drive, bought my own car and motorbike, worked my way through community college, and starting Friday I'll be putting myself through a university. I bitch and gripe and complain along the way about how the system is broken but at least I'm moving forward. You can't move forward unless you accept your own shortcomings though.

I'll agree that this generation growing up now is cause for worry. They're even more narcissistic than the 90s generation, which is saying something. Then again, I guess it's like Bad Religion said, "The kids today have gone away, petitioning the dust, with no one to look up to, because they're looking up to us."

Mmhmm, I understand all that. Personally, I have the downfall of being OVERLY emotional sometimes - actually, more often than not. It's rather debilitating when you know you have urges and the will to do, or get something for yourself, but then you DON'T, because your anxiety holds you back. I sort of fight with myself on that one, more than anything. But the mood swings are nothing to me, anymore. I've learned to suppress them, as the years went on. As much as I may end up needing a prescription for anxiety pills, there is NO WAY in Hell, Im taking Xanax. Cause I know for a fact, that shit is highly addictive, and I REFUSE to let myself become one of this generation's many flunking drug addicts. But again - ADD moment - back on topic. As I was previously leading up to, with my emotional, anxiety-ridden plague story, I was going to say that I've been having somewhat of a hard time, myself, and that due to this issue of mine, Im having a bit of a rough time dealing. Firstly, I'd like to mention how, when I was a kid, and times were still good, I was a happy, bubbly, show-off kind of kid. I liked making other people laugh, I liked to let my imagination go wild, and I LOVED our yearly Summer vacations. We took a trip to Memphis, Tennessee, when I was little (I have photos and videos from the trip, but no personal recollection), to take a walk-through tour of Elvis Presley's mansion, in Graceland. Money was never an issue... until my mom lost her job. Then, she sat on her fat, lazy ass, and did nothing about it for several years, even as our money plummeted down the drain, never to return again, and our mortgage, among other bills, began to fall through. We nearly lost our house three times, and my grandmother handed over money she didn't really have, to help pay them, EVERY time. Some cases, there was almost no money, and we rarely had food in the house to get groceries. My mom debated on food stamps, before turning to donations from our church. Lemme tell you, as a childhood milk lover, the powdered milk we started getting, tasted GOD-AWFUL to me. Almost had me vomit when I tried to drink it. Annnnnd once again, grandma to the rescue - SHE bought all of our groceries for us, for about a year and a half. Sometimes in small portions; other times, everything we needed. FINALLY, my dad had a fight with my mom and knocked some sense into her, and she got off her ass for the first time in centuries, and got herself a job. Granted, it was a low-paying job, but still a job, nonetheless. Still kinda depressing, though, when you realize that she went from raking in the dough, working at JP Morgan Chase, to... hardly anything, as a lowlife cashier at Target. IDK, sometimes I just reminisce on the past, and wonder why those days can't still exist. It's sad, but oh well. No use dragging your feet across your ass. Anyway, in my current situation, said grandmother is now passed away, and obviously can't donate the necessary stuff anymore. So, I had no cosigner for college. Not enough money to get a dorm, OR attend full-time. And in some instances, my dad has even talked about postponing my college attendance for a year, because he didn't believe that I actually WANTED to go to college. He said I hadn't been showing it enough, that that's really want I wanted for myself. What, just because I have my license, but Im terrified to drive because I REALIZE that there are too many insane drivers on the road, and too many accidents happen for stupid reasons? That doesn't mean that I don't want to go to college, still. And I, for one, am a decent driver, but that doesn't guarantee that everyone ELSE is. So, Im steadily getting my practice in, here and there. Tomorrow, my boyfriend is going to teach me how to use public transit (since I've never had to use it before), so that I can still get to college, in the meantime. I start college on the 29th, and that's in 6 days, so there's very little time left to get this stuff done!

Learning to drive was my biggest liberation. A car is a necessary tool in America these days. As for college, I'd start at community college and commute from home if at all possible. The costs of going to college far outweigh the benefits unless you're going into a high-paying field.

wait Bad Religion the book? Omg my dad keeps raving about how much he loves it.

No, the punk band.

I am not disagreeing or agreeing with any of this except the, "I believe the broader term is "sociopath" but let's roll with this." bit. Do you know anything about Aromantics, have ever met one? This is rather judgmental coming from someone on a Furry web page.

I don't know too many aromantics, but the ones I have met are not sociopath. It is unfortunate that you would assume something like this. Anyway, I have no intention of starting anything, I'd just like to point this out before anyone gets the wrong idea.

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment. If she was genuinely aromantic chances are she wouldn't be freaking out so much about not feeling romance. It'd be a natural gap in her life, just like homosexuals don't feel tragically left out of the pleasure of male on female intercourse and Democrats don't lament not enjoying gun shows.

I am sorry, but I've read your other post, and I am not getting into this with you.

Why not? He makes a good point.

If she truly was an aromantic or an asexual she wouldn't be worried about not being able to feel romantic, as in the signal to be worried or anxious would not be firing at all. It'd be a simple "Oh, Im not interested in romance. Wonder whats for dinner."

Exactly. I've talked to asexual people, they have that kind of "it's just not my thing" mentality. Some of them ponder they might be missing out, but not from any kind of significant, life-altering perspective, usually just a "what-if" kind of scenario. Their outlook is completely normal.

His point is not why I won't talk to him, he is just trying to start a fight.
That is not always true, the social pressure could be making her anxious. I could point out several examples of the backlash she will get for not being romantic and thus not normal. If that were true, we wouldn't see so many coming out of the closet threads. It is natural to want to fit in, but sometimes you don't no mater how hard you try.

*examples on this page

It is too late to be arguing.

So wait... you're writing off my point because you don't like my tone?

But Im sure homosexual people don't stay in the closet because they're worried about what they're missing with the opposite sex, they're more worried about what people with think (or god forbid DO) to them once and if they do come out. Yes it is natural to want to fit in, but aromantic and asexuals don't worry about being attracted to other people because the signals in their brain literally do not fire.

AHAHAH.....Im just guna stop reading after this post.

THIS one is pretty well thought out, and I appreciate you putting your time into it...but you have gotten it compleeetely wrong. (and what was with the comment about white people? What the heck man.)

I am in no way narcisistic. If reflecting on yourself, pulling out errors and wondering how they are, and NOT rolling onto your belly and wallowing in self pitty without seeing somebody about it is a bad thing that deserves that label....good lord then I am guilty.

I feel this way simply BECAUSE the world tells me I should. It makes me feel like if I dont feel these things for people then something is clearly wrong. So the frustration, anger as well as longing all stem from that. If the world could just be like "hey you can be fine and happy on your own no sweat" I could definatly trot off a happy camper. But growing up in a family where that is all you see? Its a little bit of a downer.


Sadly FA did sorta kinda jump at you for this post, but some of the things you said were kinda....close-minded?

Also I wouldnt comment on what I have or have not gone through or experienced. You dont know what Ive lived through :P

I'm not gonna beat a dead horse but I think I've outlined my point enough that people who care will be able to look at this and know what I'd say.

Also there's a difference between being close-minded and skeptical. One refuses to accept the truth, the other merely doesn't jump to conclusions though baseless speculation.

Oh, and I really just don't like middle class white people. They're pretty ridiculous, fun in moderation but largely a social blight.

I sense you've also a reader of Lacan and Freud? Is this true? If so, Hello o:

Oooh so your racist.
Cool, Ill be ignoring you now.

These are the people that invented the electric charcoal lighter. Think about that for a second.

I understand how you feel... I hate going to school or doing anything that involves a holiday. Ive come to despise holidays actually and think couples are disgusting with their lovey dovey icky squishyness. Hell I had to walk away from my friend who just broke up with her boyfriend cause I started to giggle evilly with joy...

On another note, I think of myself as a pariah because sometimes when I make a friend who is in a relationship, within a year they break up tragically... o.o so... yeah....

I think I can relate. I don't get jealous of others relationships, but I don't see the point of them unless you want children. Even while in one, it doesn't seem any different from being friends. Maybe it's because I refuse to engage in anything sexual, but it seems to me that relationships should be more than that. Anyways, if you are looking for information on Aromantics this site might help. http://www.asexuality.org/home/ I know it's not specifically about Aromantic, but there are a lot of them in the forums so maybe they can help you out. Good luck.

Great picture by the way. You did a really good job on her expression, and the lighting really adds to it.

I think I understand how you feel but maybe getting anxious and frustrated by it wont let you find that someone you're looking for. I didn't have a boyfriend before last year (and I'm 21 years old) and I felt very sad and jealous each time I found my friends and all the people of my age dating someone.

I believe this things come eventually. I was very scared by the idea that no one likes me but when I met we became friends and little by little start to go out. Now I'm very in love with him and all those bad feelings slowly disappeared

*quietly rage stares*

Wow. Look at people so willing to invalidate your damned feelings. It makes me furious. So I'm going to vote that you take what they have to say with a grain of salt.

Since you're -FEELINGS- are fully justified and NO ONE can ever tell you any other way. Any psych or therapist will agree with that. I know all of mine -taught me that-. 8T

Anyway.

I used to feel like that a lot, and it took a long time for things to change. Even when I had been married I felt very much the same. Now though? I'm in a relationship thats happy and healthy for me, and much to my pleased surprise, I'm starting to understand all that stuff that I didn't before hand. It's great. And I can hope that one day you'll get there too. If not? I hope you find happiness and comfort in all parts of your life, including this.

Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion, man.

And that of licensed professionals, hun.

I wonder how many lunches the pharmaceutical company had to take them and their staff out on to convince them of that opinion.

Due to the fact that I don't stand for internet drama, and you are turning into something clearly bigotted in how they handle things? I'm not commenting again after this.

Invaldiating someone's feelings on any particular matter? Is kind of what helps aid self destructive tendencies, and tendencies that harm others. Although I do not believe Tartii is someone of that nature, there's still a reason to not treat her like crap for having feelings. Telling her, passive aggressively, she's feeling like a sociopath? Is kind of the epic of douche actions. Well, statements, since you can't really take action.

I don't want to get into a comment war, so that's it. I'm done. I'm going to go back to my life, that involves people actually significant to me and my life. And not do the internet drama crap.

It's called tough love. If I honestly didn't give a damn do you think I'd have spent all that time writing that thing out? Maybe I shouldn't give a damn, god knows I see no benefit from it other than getting added to about 3 more block lists per comment.

I dont think anyone is trying to invalidate anything. I think a lot of people are trying to help her understand from their individual points of view.
Why must it always be us vs them?

It was only one person, and what they said -was- rather harsh. The fact that they actually agreed with it solidified my feelings. Everyone else on here was -fantastic- and they all made me smile about it.

It seems a lot of people here let emotion dictate reason and understanding. Just because what he said was harsh doesn't mean he was being mean or trying invalidate anyone. Most truths aren't pretty and some people dont candy coat it. Just because it doesn't make you smile doesn't mean you should pervert its purpose.

A lot of posts have been very fluffy and supportive and while its great to comfort someone, you need answers and different points of view to come to a conclusion. Even if you don't like what someone is say or how they're saying it - its important to consider the flipside

I..I really don't see much purpose to this...so I'm going back to my shows now >.> I didn't pervert anything, that person admitted it themselves. anywho, last comment on this topic from me to -any- commenters. Tartii's journal wasn't about us going all dramatic on each other. It was her expressing how she feels, and I'm not going to clutter this any further

What did they admit, that what they said was harsh? Okay, so what?
The purpose was to hopefully get you to consider the meaning of what people are saying instead of writing them off because you dont like they way they said it.

On a side note, I want to hug every person that's actually giving you validation. After seeing that one, I personally appreciate the nicer ones myself.

If anyone deserves a hug its you. You really stood up for her there, and without any internet drama. Kudos!

XD AWW<3 Thanks hun. That means a lot. I was pretty livid about it @.@ and being a student of psych who's gone over these topics in classes and papers, I feel pretty well educated (not bought out) over it. That and I really like Tartii. I want happy for her

As a completely separate thing from this whole discussion if you think the best kind of validation is done by anonymous watchers on the internet then you aren't a very good student of psychology.

....well way to be insulting there, captain charming (whether you intended it to be or not >.>) . It's a matter of some people don't have many sources, and some people need- any- kind they get. Not that I think Tartii does. I just acknowledge the area's in which it is given and sometimes they do serve their purpose. I do not see the internet as a primary source of validation, not by any means. Those you hold close -should- be it, but do not always serve that purpose.

But that's an entirely different discussion fitting to an entirely different context and location. 8| So I'm gonna go back to my shows and finish unwinding from my day now...

I can't perhaps understand better as I've NEVER been in a relation before....but I know what your heart feels.

I growl under my breath when I see couples and such. It just....pisses me off.

I've never kissed. I never dated. Never even held hands. I asked out a few girls...but thats as far as i got. I long for that physical touch by a gentle hand of beauty. Something to fill the void in my heart.

Just this past Saturday, my sister got married. Yeah.....I was happy for her. I had fun at the party. Minus the dancing.....I DONT dance. But deep within my wn self....I was jealous. Anger jealouslly. It didn't show but...I knew it was there. Mind you....I'm 25 of age and she's 10 months younger than I...not that it matters.

So guess who's next (according to family)? Me.
Hm.....it's gnna be a lonnnnnnng ass wait.

I could tell yu everything's going to be alright. And it probably will, depending n your actions. I dnt like to make things fluffy and sugary....i just tell it like it is. Me? Well.....I'm not exactly looking. I've sort of...stopped per say.
I have serious trust issues which don't help. I don't care what anyne else says about me. I jut don't have any interest at the moment.

I also wouldn't necessarily label yourself something you have no idea upon. Course the ego would love to take it, but don't listen to it.

It will hurt and can get worse if you let it. I'm....fighting with everything I have to not be alone. But this fight is unique as I am alone, but in a deeper sense I'm not.

So....I don't know what to do. Just like you I cannot understand on why it is difficult for me to find whomever. But hey....I just take it ONE day at a time. I can suppress all I want, but the problem hasn't gone away.

So this picture means a lot to me as to you.

http://puu.sh/XYcZ

I KNEW IT



(just kidding tartii don't eat me ;_;)

THE HIDDEN MESSAGE HAS BEEN DISCOVERED
/RUN

*hugs* well i honestly think its normal you have those feelings, i know i used too alot when i was younger and i hated it, hated seeing others together and all over one another and felt alone i stopped looking for love but then out of nowhere i fell in love, some times its unexpected...but that is how it works at times so dun be so hard on yourself just uhmnnn flow and if you get upset, remember there are alot of ppl out there like you so your not alone <3

My opinion?

-Don't worry about it Tart. Most of the couples you see are secretly harboring disdain for each other as their communication breaks down, building up to the inevitable melt down. People tend to fall in love with their own ideas about others rather than take the time to get to know who they really are. Thus, they are effectively living a lie and the relationship will only last as long as the illusion can be maintained.

Happiness is the goal and honesty is the only real way to get there. Not just on your end but on both ends. If one of the people in a relationship is in love with themselves or their own ideas of who the other person is then they both are doomed. I always keep my distance for as long as possible until we both have a chance to actually get to know each other. By then the attraction levels have died down and and we look at each other for who we really are without feeling the obligation of a relationship.

In other words, Tart, Keep your distance until the other person can tell you every negative thing there is about you and you can do the same. That's when you'll know if it has a small chance of working...

(spoken from almost two decades of learning the hard way)
-Dizz.

I can relate. I do love my packmates and I do feel good around them... but I can't quite dive into that whole 'twoo wuv' thing that all the movies and books portray.

I think part of it is because I watched my parent's thirty-year marriage disintegrate as a kid and it's made me pretty jaded about that sort of thing (and a lot of other things besides) and partially because I was always a loner as a kid, teenager, and even young adult. Almost all my friends have been online ones and I rarely meet up in person with anyone my own age.

To me it sounds more like you want a romantic relationship, you just haven't been fortunate enough to me THAT person just yet. If you were really Aromantic I do not think you'd feel jealous about other couples.

That is my personal opinion. everyone has probably felt like this at least once in their lives. :3 I know I tend to get this way when I'm not around my husband (He's in the Army, so we have long periods of separation unfortunately)

But he was my best-friend before we started our relationship (And we lived in different states), you just gotta leave yourself open, and not doubt yourself. Someone will pop up sooner than later, nothing is wrong with you, just have patience in yourself and the rest of the world.

Also please do not let people coddle you and feed you the "There must be something mentally wrong with you because your life isn't the norm" people are clinging too much to labels lately. you feel how you feel because of your situation, and no one will feel the exact same as you because everyone is raised in completely different environments. I fell into this trap, and it took me a while to claw my way out.

Good luck with feeling better Tartii!

*meet, sorry

Tartii, your deffenly not alone in not understandning it, i´m by you side in this really, nor i understand it, but some times it´s just better not to think tomouch of it, even tought sadness and anger is the most momment reactions, and not to forget the needs of being loved by a other person, the loness is a very killing feel, most of all becures we grow older by the days passing, i´m 29 years old by now and still dosen´t understand anything of it.


should you feel like taking about it some day or time, trow me in a note or add me on skype if you have it, i will do and see what i can do to help you geting off with some steam about this. or take your tears away

if you'll alow this random stranger his insights, i think i may know what you are talking about. after i fell in love for the first time (which did not work out at all), i haven't experienced those burning emotions again. i think something similar may be happing in your case? what i've been offered as advice is simply patience and self-observation. know yourself, the kind of thing you want in a relationship, and observe your emotions as if they are someone elses. are they genuine? are they lasting? are they what you want? asking myself such questions has given me some valuable insights, maybe they could do the same to you?
hope this helps!

I have exactly the same thing.
I am not interested in "love" at all, while my best friends talk about how much they want to have kids and a gril etc.
And i solved the problem, by loving the music >:)

if you want it, you have to work on it.

you dont just snap your fingers and feel comfortable and romantic with someone, you have to make an actual effort beyond "going into a relationship"
also, there is no magic. thats just what people have been conditioned to say or to makebelieve is there. a real relationship is about commitment and being happy to give up some freedom for someone else without any actual reasons.

also, its because you stopped drawing porn. really, you might have to consider that porn was the only thing good about you in the first place

lolporn

huh so many posts doubt mine makes a difference all well
look a relationship isn't what matters most in life its just another stepping stone and often a challenge to overcome, a challenge that many don't deal with well look at all the constant breakups and divorces in the world, if you really want temperamental love like that go ahead keep looking, but I find that I never had to look for my best friends and my parents never had to look for each other things just happen.

girl , be in lapras form and i will make you love love <3

Love is a fickle thing. wish i could enjoy it but noone seems to share that opinion with me :/

Coming into conclusion least proves your not insane~

I am sure your parents don't like recent events and how you don't feel nothing. I suggest seeing a medical professional, they can give you better answers then FA.

HAH yeah. Im definatly going to see somebody about it. I have been aching to for awhile, just for some reason...never...have? Beh I dunno. I did call today though (YAY!!)

And I post things like this on FA just because /SOME/ watchers are curious about what makes the people they watch tick, or they genuinly care. I share because it makes me feel better ya know? And some comments help, while others try to tear things down XD

(I honestly dont know why some people are really harsh about it. Really now what does that solve? Or what did I do to deserve some treatment I have gotten? -not referring to any comments here compeltely-).

I dunno man, its like....if I suddenly get a lot of pageviews I must be full of myself? <_>

See a doctor yet? :I

I actually haven't yet, but she finally put me in her schedule, so I should be seeing her this month. Im hoping for the best. :c

And some comments help, while others try to tear things down XD

(I honestly dont know why some people are really harsh about it. Really now what does that solve? Or what did I do to deserve some treatment I have gotten? -not referring to any comments here compeltely-).

I dont think anyone is trying to tear you down here. As I said before, it seems a lot of people here let their emotions dictate their understanding.
Please stop that.
Consider your environment. This is a anonymous furry site. On the internet. Tone means about as much as you let it. Some really good points where made by a lot of people here and just because you dont like what someone said doesn't mean you should discredit it as them being mean.

I dont know what its like to be a popular artist on this site, but from what I've observed over my time being here is that its very plush. You have a lot of people trying to make you happy and being supportive (their motives genuine or otherwise). In thus, the "nay sayers" or people who offer opinions that are not inline with your own are quickly cut down by this pillow posse that all popular artists have. Its unfortunately, because now all you have is support. You dont have anything to think about, you dont have any opinion to keep you anchored to reality. This is exactly how artists become full of themselves and start living in a bubble where their train of thought is the only one they know and accept because anyone else who has said otherwise has been labelled mean-spirited and snuffed out by white knights.

You are beginning to show your narcissism and thats okay, everybody is a little narcissistic - its almost instinctual. But what you and all of us, as good people, need to do is not let that narcissism become a prime part of our personalities. A lot of bad blood is brewed on this site because people think someone else is attacking them when they offer a conflicting opinion and in return lass out. We can all exist here harmoniously if we were to just stop thinking that our outlook on life and ourselves is the only acceptable one.

And to direct this at you, Tartii, because you are an popular artist with a growing following, I would always keep the bolded part if this passage in mind.

Now watch as the rest of FA tears me apart for not rushing to your side with a virtual box of tissues and telling you it's okay I'm here for you don't worry you'll find someone someday. My job as a watcher is to give constructive commentary and appreciate your art, not be your personal emotional dumpster.

Take that not as an attack, but as an anchor to reality. Don't live in a bubble created by the support and kind words that will always be in your comment box, but rather seek accurate understanding by considering all of the opinions put forth by the people you ask help from, your watchers.

I do take everything people say into consideration, its what I do.

I also do not see how I am narcissistic. All people are saying is I am, but they arent saying what I have done that MAKES me that way. I try to be open and honest and fair with everybody. But when teenageangst decided to start throwing RACISM in his arguments it was clear to me he does not clearly look at somebody for who they are. He just throws me in with "ugh another popufur white artist."

Expect he made good points. Im not sure what his problem with white people is and I'll agree his comment on them wasn't needed and could be applied to a variety of people, but moving past that, don't you think he made more than a few valid points?

Have you ever been in a serious, long term romantic relationship? How can you come to the conclusion that you aren't meant for romance when you've yet to experience it?
How can label yourself an aromantic, yet are worried about finding your special someone and jealous of other people who have? That doesn't make any sense, does it?

The narcissism comes from the fact that it sounds like you're playing the victim in a situation where their is no need for it. You aren't wrong for feeling the way you do and nobody has attacked you here so there's no reason to make this a "why me" post. It also shows when you say things like "I do take everything people say into consideration, its what I do" yet you state in same post that you've dismiss someone's opinion because you didn't like something they said and then claim to know how he views you. However, you shouldn't be worried about someone calling out your narcissism. Its basically like say "Hey you're displaying a behavioral trait every human has." At the same time, its good practice to understand how your messages are going to come across. If you state things you cannot know as fact, you look narcissistic. If you draw conclusions on something you've just said you dont understand, you look narcissistic.

Also, since I haven't given my opinion on this journal:

I think you need to go out and experience life a little more. Meet more people, spend more time with the ones you already know. Just discover others. I've seen a lot of people label themselves as something only to find out they don't fit that label a short time later. Hell, I myself used to think I was asexual. You know when I made that "conclusion" when I was 11. Not a month later I was crushing hard on one of my class mates and continued to feel that way through middle school. Life is a massive undertaking, and world is a huge place. Until you've experienced it, you should save the answers you think you have for old age. I bid you good luck and good, full life.
=)

Okay Ill go ahead and answer this bit by bit, in hopes of clearing this up.

Have you ever been in a serious, long term romantic relationship? How can you come to the conclusion that you aren't meant for romance when you've yet to experience it?

I have been in a relationship for almost a year, as well as many other relationships. The problem is I feel no emotional connection with anybody no matter how hard I try. Everything seems moot to me. I open up and I talk, I even confide and take risks, but even then there is nothing more than friendship. Do I have the right to say I am aromantic? No. I am simply speculating that I could POSSIBLY be one because of these experiences. How can an aromantic know they are aromantic since they cannot experience romance?

How can label yourself an aromantic, yet are worried about finding your special someone and jealous of other people who have? That doesn't make any sense, does it?

I honestly am only concerned and worried about not finding a relationship or significant other because, one, my parents are worried for me for not having any bonds with anybody other than family members or friends. I dont have those 'next step' feelings or deep crushes. I worry because my family does, or friends express concern. Now Im sure this is only because the media portrays this as normal or what not, and the more you see it the more you think this is how it should be....The thought of spending my days alone without anybody when I become elderly is frightening to me, because all the elders in my life HAVE that person. So the thought of not being able to have that is what makes me feel how I do.

If you draw conclusions on something you've just said you dont understand, you look narcissistic.

But Im not making conclusions. Which is what a lot of people have seemed to miss. I am not ready to 'call it quicks' or write myself off as it until I get more professional advice from people who deal with this sort of thing more. I also did not intend to play the role of a victim. It does sound a little whiny as I read it, but I wrote down what was making me feel how I feel, what I felt, and what exactly it was that spurred me to draw this picture. I wasn't exactly looking for "Ooooh its okaaaay. Dont be saaaad", but I was wondering if others related to this or felt the same. But I would be lying if I said getting a couple assurances and pats on the back didnt make me feel better about myself.

Does this clear anything up? Or am I missing something?

And honestly, the moment somebody shows up and starts to throw things at me and trying to link them to my skin-color their opinion no longer matters to me..because their view of "people like me" is clouded.

As for your opinion:
Yep, I completely agree. Im slowly testing deeper and deeper waters, and experiencing new things. Ive been hurt, scarred and frightened...but also become stronger because of it. Im only going on 22, so I know I have a lot to learn, but Im also not ignorant. But even saying that, Im not ready to draw conclusions yet. Its just good to get several opinions and wonder what other people's thoughts are.

You've explained a couple things you hadn't before which makes it a lot easier to see where you're coming from. However, you claim that your worry comes from you parents concern, but you said in your original post:

All I know is, when I look at couples I cant help but be jealous or angry....or maybe its just frustrated. I look at them, and think...that isnt fair. How come they get to feel those emotions and I dont. How come they get to throw themselves into something and experience this 'magic' and I can never understand.

Thats where the money is. Thats what makes it seem like your not aromantic at all, rather just lonely and worried that your not dating material (which...dont do that to yourself. It just makes self-confidence plummet and you need that get a significant other.)

Ah, yeah that is where the jealousy of them comes from. They are feeling these emotions I never have, and worry I never will. That is just worry though, and not legit uh...whats the word....Aaaah I cant think of it right now. ;-;

So, your....jealous because you're worried but worried because you're jealous?

........BASICALLY.
It sounds ridiculous but aaah thats basically it xD

In that case, I don't think you should worry about it.

I told you before that I used to think myself asexual as a kid, and I was wrong. Thing is - I was never girl crazy. In fact, I was never anyone crazy. People can look great and living in San Diego, I'm granted the privileged of seeing gorgeous women literally every day, but its rare that I ever see or meet some who truely sparks my interest. Through out my life I can count the number of people I've been serious interested in on one hand.

Maybe you're like me and you just haven't ran into that person yet.

That is what its sounding like from what I have read so far from everybody. And honestly its comforting. :)

What racism? o3o Usually Racism is A; (the actual definition and use) The political, social, and religious oppression of minorities specifically due to their minority status - Apartheids, Separation, maintaining offensive sterotypes within the media for the sole use of dividing people over petty stuff.

Or B; Being a dick to someone over their minority status, be it religious or social or political. However 'White' is not a minority, much less a race. Rather a social-economic construct. Irish weren't white in 'Umerica until the 1870s when they (and hundreds of other European immigrants) were used as colonial fodder and work-fodder.

So I dunno whut racism. Sorrytospeakonthisonepointbutitneedstobestated.

"Oh, and I really just don't like middle class white people. They're pretty ridiculous, fun in moderation but largely a social blight."

That isn't really racist, as I've said, just his experiences with a social-economic construct. Was he being a dick? Sure. Racist? Not really.

If you dont see racism in that I dont know what to tell you xD

Is he limiting your social climb? Your political position in society? And putting you down economically, making you poor or forced to partake in illegal activities to either regain your political, social and economic rights or to try and survive?

Is he being a dick to you for being a minority?

If those two are a 'No' then it isn't an institutionalized racism nor a personal-dick racism.

He "doesnt like middle class white people." I dont know how to make that any clearer. He doesnt like a particular group of people because of skin color.

"It's a common misconception amongst middle class white people that they're entitled to the richness of life without going through all 7 layers of hell first."

He is generizing a single ethnicity. If you cant see it you obviously are REFUSING to, and I cant help you with that.

To be fair he did target an economic class. If he'd said "Its a misconception amongst white people that they're entitled to the richness of blah blah blah"
It sounds more to me like he has a problem with the middle class of this generation in general, it could be that most of his experience is with white people (which makes sense as a major of middle class people are white).

If he left out 'white people' it would have been just the middle class. The middle class makes up a broad range of people.

Again, it could be that most of his experience is with white people (which makes sense as a major of middle class people are white).

I dont see how that makes it any less racist though. :c Just because you have a bad experience/experiences with a certain race or class doesnt mean you should write them ALL off.

He didn't write all of them off though, he specifically said middle class white kids.

But he's writing off ALL MIDDLE CLASS WHITE people. No its not all white people, but still all of the middle class.

Its like saying all black people that live in the ghetto are bad. :/

Weeeell... >.>

D:!!

Hey, bro. Im black and even Im afraid to go into some parts of town after dark.

HAHAHA! Well yeah your guna be nervous! But its not like every brother is guna wip out a gun xD

Cause not all of us can afford one, cuz.

#1. That isn't an ethnicity to start with. Perhaps a 'Social Class'? Sure. Not an ethnicity. Ethnicities are Armenian. Russian. Turks. Greeks. Native-Americans. Chinese. Cantonese. Koreans. And so forth. 'White' is just a vague term, and that's because (as I've said) it's a social-construct. Tell me, What is a 'White people'? Why are Spaniards white but also French people white? When does being white end? Where does it begin? Those are some questions to start with.

#2. If you actually go into the sentence it's not due to a skin colour. It's because of an /Economic Position/ as well as a /Social position/. 'White Middle Class' is a petit-bourgeois position that one can be born into just as much as one can be born as an aristocrat. But unlike traditional positions one can be pushed out of it when the system gets into a 'danger zone'.

#3. Are you denying white middle class peuple are not having the ideas of self-entitlement or literally not thinking about the actual suffering of the Third world that is caused just by the existence of their well-being? Profits help create the wages they give to their workers, aka the middle class. Which is usually predominant of white, these profits come from abuse in the Third world at the hands of monopolies. Also typically white people get paid better. (http://www.aflcio.org/Multimedia/In.....y-Workers-2010)

#4. Why are you pressing unto this issue of perhaps racism when it doesn't fit into what racism is? Really checking into the middle class white people life they aren't being limited politically, economically or socially. Infact at others expense is the middle class created. (Though there are some slight possibilities to become apart of the tip-top 1%, they are few and far between unless you obtain upon some miracle that'll catch on. Like Computers. )

Okay honestly....? All of that I do not see how any of it is factual. It all is opinion. Not every single white person ever is treated better, believes they deserve better, or doesnt give a crap about third world countries.

Now this is where /you/ are generalizing. Notice we're just suppose to be talking about the white middle class, but now you're talking about "every single white person ever".

also you haven't given me the definition of this ethnicity called 'white'.

For the wages - ...how can you really try to argue against that when it's right infront of your face in link form presented to you by the AFL-CIO?

Annnd in America? They have in relation to the minorities. That's an undisputed fact from before the Civil War to after it. Now, have there been white settlers put under oppression under the very system giving them things? Yes. I know very well of this fact, it's also called being white proletarian or European immigrants who are used as immigrant labour. This mostly goes into the Irish, Balkan, and general Eastern European.

For the believing they deserve better? I'd say it depends, however I do believe my family deserves better from being low-time workers and not having to stress about every little thing. However this isn't 'white middle class'. This is 'white proletarian'.

For third world, it'd be more a genuine feeling that does not exist predominantly.

I'm sorry to hear that. What you're describing sounds a lot like Asexuality :\

I know I have no room to talk considering I do have a bf at the moment, but there are plenty of days I know what you mean.
In the last few years, everything wrong that could happen in a relationship has happened to me from being lied to, rebound girl, cheated on, to almost being raped.
I began to wonder if I was not meant for relationships.
It is one of the few reasons why I am with my bf. Because he was my best friend for over 4 years before we dated. Honestly, I do feel like if I cannot make it with him then I do not feel like bothering to be in another relationship.
Heck, this one guy who was a total douche to me just got engaged to his 4 month girlfriend (even though the wedding is not for another year). I sit here and wonder why it could not be me getting engaged. After all the shit I have been through and all the honesty I put into relationships, I deserve to finally have a happy ending! But no, it always seems to be the jerks and the idiots (talking about RL people around me) who are getting married having happy endings.
Does not feel fair.

Just remember there are friends out there who will love you no matter what you choose later on in life and will support you all the way. *huggies and playfull feral wrassles*

Are you bisexual? Maybe you're just not into guys.
But I feel the same way.. again. I didn't understand love before I met my ex. I was always wondering HOW someone could love another person so much they'd want to do anything for them, even give their life for them. Anyone but their parents that is.
But even then... I just didn't understand..
I would watch people fall head over heels for one another, cuddle and kiss like it was nothing big.
Today I think that the word love is underrated. Teens and even adults will throw it out there just because they need someone to fill a gap in their heart, someone to give them attention. They didn't actually love them.

If you're wondering why the girl I fell so hard for is now my ex.. well she was using me, to put it short.
Acted like she had amnesia after 1+ years once her girlfriend came back to the army.

WOOOO.

But don't give up, hun. You might find someone some day. For me I am strictly into types of people, to prove that further I'm a lesbian. I'd never been in love with anyone like I was with her.

You might find that one person, even if you don't believe you're capable of loving someone like all those other snogging couples. It be years, or you may never come across that person. They could be on the other side of the world.

Who knows~ Love is a strange thing... A stupid thing at times...

from the army* Woopsies. >>

Probably shoulda read all the other comments first but my mind keeps going "GOOD GOD! TOO LONG, DON'T READ! O-O
"

I think it's cool that you recognize how your feeling about relationships and where you want your feelings to be at when you have one. That's something ALOT of people can't say they know :P .

The jealous stuff about couples I get. It's all part of that stupid crazy chase for love that never seems to bloody end lol. Everybody is stuck there at some point so don't feel alone or cast out by the world cause of it. Basically right now it's just a waiting game for the right situation to come along. Some people rush it and get lucky or end up like my dad with his crazy bitch girlfriend O-o, others just sit it out and hope they run into it. Not everyone does of course O: but don't get discouraged! It's up to you to go about it in whatever way makes you happiest :3 . And if such ways involve the odd frustrated imagined situation of a nearby huggy/kissy couple getting hit by a 16 wheeler than go for it :D just don't give up! ^^

And if all I posted was made irrelevant by one of . . . many long posts x-x made above mine than nevermind my rabble :P.

And Y U NO answer my e-mail? D:<

My inbox says I have no new messages? o-o

It was a long while ago D: I totally left a message requesting awesome friendshipness, in a completely non-creepy way o3o (said so in the fine print! O:)

T'was ages ago I sent it though O-o dunt even remember the date. x-x

Thats probably why. It was ages ago and notes are hard as hell to keep track of D:

aaaaah, okie o3o.


Well hai, I'm Spence :D

Well HAI Im tartii. 8D

Y hai Tartii nice ta meet cha 8D *shakes her paw* I heard you draw art and stuffs!

I do! In fact I love to art and stuff! Makes me happy and feel good! 8D

Well I'm glad it makes you happy and feel good! 8D Else it'd make you feel bad! and that would not be good than!
(I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, I'm too damn tired XD )

The sad thing is. . . is that I go through this, too. I wish it was only me, really. . . because it's terrible to feel like something's wrong with you. . . But, yeah.

I don't do relationship my self, I fee like a fish out of water when it come to dating .

Don't worry about what society wants from you.
Keep up appearances to get paid in a job etc, but the rest is unnecessary.
From what I can tell, you seem a nice enough person who, like me cherishes friendship above all else.
Some of my friends don't get it when I say that I love them all, heh. But anyways.

*Long, awkward, drawn out hug* ^^

Forgot to say. As always. Awesome artwork!

Urgh, uhm, hard to help you at this point :s I don't know what to say. When I say, I feel with you , then this would be a bad lie. I don't know how it feels but its for sure bad.
You got my respect.

Well aromantics are usually only typical in those that are Asexual as well. Basically if you generally don't have any interest in having sex at all, due to just plain disinterest, then chances are you may be asexual, and most who are asexual are usually aromanitc. Its not something a lot of people are really going to understand. That is how i am. I don't have any interest in sex or romance, and that is just how it is. All I can say is be yourself and don't even try and bother to fit in, you will save a lot of trouble that way.

Pretty girl there seems unhappy~

That's okay. The world says I'm a slut for wanting to be in an open relationship. And know what? I'm fine with that. Nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. I'm emotionally attached to the person I'm with. Just because I want sex doesn't mean I don't want commitment.

And just because you don't feel that way doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. AT ALL. I have a friend who is what is called "demisexual" and she has no sexual interest in ANYONE until she at least builds a friendship. Society needs to break away from its idea that what is COMMON is NORMAL. Those do not mean the same thing.

You are an awesome person whether or not you want or can have relationships. Plain and simple. Relationships are not the end all of life.

On a lighter note, Hidden message were included in your text in the description "ICU" as in "I see you" XD

And i can say that everyone has the special someone somewhere, you just need to wait for the right one for you. if not in relationship as in "normal" peoples, then in that aromantic relationship.

In my opinion everyone, no matter what their orientation is, are normal as much as they can be. But some peoples doesn't seem to understand that.
It's just their way to love someone... But i'd say that it's a bad mix with a person who has those "deeper" feelings, and then dating with Aromantic.. Nothing but harm and sadness around...

But as i said before, i'm sure you can find someone with who you wanna be. ^^

Hopefully you're feeling okay with everything since it had passed 7 months from this here...