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More from Barrel-o-TF
Massive story today. You may notice a familiar face in this story - or at least after halfway through. ;)
Category Story / Transformation
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 238.6 kB
*c/ping this from my comment on DA*
Overall I -loved- this piece. I'm a trained culinarian, and I've enjoyed inanimate transformation stories for a very long time. It wasn't until Pandemic, a writer on FA, did a story with hir djinn character turning my 'sona into an ice-cream cone ([link]) that I'd ever really paired inanimate-tf with food and gotten really fascinated with the concept. But it's a sadly underused set-up, so when I saw this story pop up on FA I popped open a beer and settled in for a nice and long read straight through. I'd read a good deal of your material before this went up on FA, and when I saw the keywords listed next to the description I decided to dive on in.
Gotta say, it hit the mark beautifully!
Constructive critique is what I'll give first, and then I'll just bury it in praise.
*I -do not know- what your level of fetish interest in things like transformation is. I'll freely admit that, since I really don't want to come across houghty-toughty. I know it's something you're interested in, but I do not know if it's ever been something that is a turn-on in and of itself. There are a few sections in here that would definitely hit the mark for someone with a fetish interest, and a few that had potential and missed. Parts like Lauren's transformation really did include content about sensations in her erogenous zones (her boobies) as her body was transformed, and actually included a good sense of bondage and restraint (which you see a lot in inanimate-tf, and is one of the biggest appeals). Hank's transformation, in contrast, had a lot of potential in that area, and it was left completely out. The progress of his transformation started very early on involving a shape and area of the body that could have mentioned at least sensation in his genitalia, but didn't. I don't know if that's -entirely- intentional on your part, since you wanted to keep the story a certain rating, if it's just not something you're comfortable with personally (or if you're not sure about your skill level in that sort of writing), or for another reason. As a personal kink I know I would have loved to see it delved into a bit with everyone pretty much helpless.
*As a mechanic, the 'computer preparing everyone' and the robotic waiting staff I didn't get. Don't get me wrong, I love sci-fi stuff and advanced tech. But without there being an explanation about just -how- a computer system is transforming sentient people into sentient foodstuffs (or in the case of Jack and Tim, into sentient animals the size of people with some highly unusual biology), it does throw off the flow a bit. It leaves the reader wondering 'How?', and if that question gets filled in then it makes the reading experience much more immersive. I was almost expecting something like the chef having been granted a magical gift with creating food, and the guests being turned into food was him repaying whatever magical/supernatural being gave him his skill by giving it/them his first guests. It'd be a smoother way of explaining things, and if you wanted to keep the theme of the guests -not- dying consistent, then magic would have been better (IMO).
*As a trained culinarian, I can say that -you don't glaze a bird with its feathers still on!- You also would keep stuffing moist with just water. To keep from losing flavor, you'd make the stuffing mix with some chicken stock and butter.
*Also, you need to descale fish like trout and cod before they can be smoked or cooked in any way. The scales are far too thick and impermeable to let any flavor through, and...well...they're scales. Can't eat 'em. I got the impression that you didn't want to write Tim being killed by the skewer going through his body, however (which is all I can imagine happening, since being out of water was enough to nearly suffocate him), so having his scales swiped off would probably be pretty unappealing reading and writing material.
Kay, those are the critiques that really stood out in my mind as stuff I'd want to comment on. Like I said, I don't want to sound houghty-toughty. Those are just thoughts that came to mind as scenes progressed. Nitpicking anything else I wouldn't spend time on. On to the praise!
*It's not often people really convey how intensive and (from the POV presented in this story) forceful the cooking process is. But you brought that concept home very powerfully here, without actually including the statement that the process -killed- anyone (Tim and his cod friend do seem to be exceptions, although it's not outright stated). Snuff tends to be a big downer for everyone out of a very niche audience, so toeing around that let you nail an assertive and uncaring -use- of people, without actually ending any of them in the story.
*I mentioned Lauren above, and I'll add to that the fact that her transformation was my favorite. Her's had the highlights of a sense of helplessness, a bit of bondage, and plant-transformation, which is sadly underused as a TF theme. It was also extremely unique. I've read tree transformation, vine transformation, and mushroom transformation before. Banana was something new. And tied to that, and in keeping with the rather domineering theme of the kitchen making use of the ingredients the guests were turned into, the stripping of her after she was taken down from her restraints and made into the sundae was a powerful ending for Lauren's part of the tale.
*Followed by Lauren, Stacy's was my second favorite TF. I love plant-TF, and Stacey's transformation into a massive mushroom was extremely well described. I have never read a planty-tf where it took place in any location -other- than the floor or ground. Having it take place in a chair, and apparently fully take root there as well, was a very different POV, and because it was such a different situation it did a lot to reinforce the suddenness and powerful nature of the transformation. And I also -love- when victims don't go easy. I know the final 'resistance' she offered wasn't all that much practically, but it was nice to read the changes inexorably progressing even as she fought them.
*A huge claim to fame for this piece is the sheer variety. You include a -lot- of different personalities in the characters, you don't bias towards one gender, and the transformations are incredibly varied in both pace and type. There's a little something here for everyone, which is very hard for any writer of any genre to pull off.
*Your villain, the chef, has a very nicely done personality. I think the final mechanic (the computer) hurts things a little bit, because then it's not him doing the cooking, it's a machine. But you do a great job before that of conveying how he greatly wants to do what he plans to do, has a few minor reservations before it kicks off, but then settles into things and then indulges in what he's planned. He's a great character, and I really hope to see more of him.
*Your food writing, considering just how much of it there is in this piece, is quite nice. You appear to have put your mind's-eye into the mind of a food-writer, and you use the right terminology and prose for the situation. That sounds basic, I know it does. But it's not. When it comes to describing food, the sensations centered around presenting and eating food, senses such as taste and smell, or the descriptions involved in the preparation of food (like Tim being tossed around in a seasoned rub), LOTS of writers fail at it in even the most basic of situations. Nevermind something as off-beat as human beings being transformed into foodstuffs. And nevermind it not just being one or two victims, but a room full of them all turning into different things. You nailed the keynotes in a situation that was -way- outside the norm.
*Overall, this was incredibly refreshing and different to read. I'll admit I bias a bit towards the more adult-natured TF stories. I'd sure love to read a mature/adult version of something like this. But in and of itself this story stands out as unique and incredibly enjoyable for both myself and a wider TF-fan audience. Bravo on going so all-out on putting so much content into a single submission.
And hell, if you ever plan to do a second piece with any volunteers I know I sure as heck would vie in. Your writing is superb, and I'd certainly love to see more of it.
Overall I -loved- this piece. I'm a trained culinarian, and I've enjoyed inanimate transformation stories for a very long time. It wasn't until Pandemic, a writer on FA, did a story with hir djinn character turning my 'sona into an ice-cream cone ([link]) that I'd ever really paired inanimate-tf with food and gotten really fascinated with the concept. But it's a sadly underused set-up, so when I saw this story pop up on FA I popped open a beer and settled in for a nice and long read straight through. I'd read a good deal of your material before this went up on FA, and when I saw the keywords listed next to the description I decided to dive on in.
Gotta say, it hit the mark beautifully!
Constructive critique is what I'll give first, and then I'll just bury it in praise.
*I -do not know- what your level of fetish interest in things like transformation is. I'll freely admit that, since I really don't want to come across houghty-toughty. I know it's something you're interested in, but I do not know if it's ever been something that is a turn-on in and of itself. There are a few sections in here that would definitely hit the mark for someone with a fetish interest, and a few that had potential and missed. Parts like Lauren's transformation really did include content about sensations in her erogenous zones (her boobies) as her body was transformed, and actually included a good sense of bondage and restraint (which you see a lot in inanimate-tf, and is one of the biggest appeals). Hank's transformation, in contrast, had a lot of potential in that area, and it was left completely out. The progress of his transformation started very early on involving a shape and area of the body that could have mentioned at least sensation in his genitalia, but didn't. I don't know if that's -entirely- intentional on your part, since you wanted to keep the story a certain rating, if it's just not something you're comfortable with personally (or if you're not sure about your skill level in that sort of writing), or for another reason. As a personal kink I know I would have loved to see it delved into a bit with everyone pretty much helpless.
*As a mechanic, the 'computer preparing everyone' and the robotic waiting staff I didn't get. Don't get me wrong, I love sci-fi stuff and advanced tech. But without there being an explanation about just -how- a computer system is transforming sentient people into sentient foodstuffs (or in the case of Jack and Tim, into sentient animals the size of people with some highly unusual biology), it does throw off the flow a bit. It leaves the reader wondering 'How?', and if that question gets filled in then it makes the reading experience much more immersive. I was almost expecting something like the chef having been granted a magical gift with creating food, and the guests being turned into food was him repaying whatever magical/supernatural being gave him his skill by giving it/them his first guests. It'd be a smoother way of explaining things, and if you wanted to keep the theme of the guests -not- dying consistent, then magic would have been better (IMO).
*As a trained culinarian, I can say that -you don't glaze a bird with its feathers still on!- You also would keep stuffing moist with just water. To keep from losing flavor, you'd make the stuffing mix with some chicken stock and butter.
*Also, you need to descale fish like trout and cod before they can be smoked or cooked in any way. The scales are far too thick and impermeable to let any flavor through, and...well...they're scales. Can't eat 'em. I got the impression that you didn't want to write Tim being killed by the skewer going through his body, however (which is all I can imagine happening, since being out of water was enough to nearly suffocate him), so having his scales swiped off would probably be pretty unappealing reading and writing material.
Kay, those are the critiques that really stood out in my mind as stuff I'd want to comment on. Like I said, I don't want to sound houghty-toughty. Those are just thoughts that came to mind as scenes progressed. Nitpicking anything else I wouldn't spend time on. On to the praise!
*It's not often people really convey how intensive and (from the POV presented in this story) forceful the cooking process is. But you brought that concept home very powerfully here, without actually including the statement that the process -killed- anyone (Tim and his cod friend do seem to be exceptions, although it's not outright stated). Snuff tends to be a big downer for everyone out of a very niche audience, so toeing around that let you nail an assertive and uncaring -use- of people, without actually ending any of them in the story.
*I mentioned Lauren above, and I'll add to that the fact that her transformation was my favorite. Her's had the highlights of a sense of helplessness, a bit of bondage, and plant-transformation, which is sadly underused as a TF theme. It was also extremely unique. I've read tree transformation, vine transformation, and mushroom transformation before. Banana was something new. And tied to that, and in keeping with the rather domineering theme of the kitchen making use of the ingredients the guests were turned into, the stripping of her after she was taken down from her restraints and made into the sundae was a powerful ending for Lauren's part of the tale.
*Followed by Lauren, Stacy's was my second favorite TF. I love plant-TF, and Stacey's transformation into a massive mushroom was extremely well described. I have never read a planty-tf where it took place in any location -other- than the floor or ground. Having it take place in a chair, and apparently fully take root there as well, was a very different POV, and because it was such a different situation it did a lot to reinforce the suddenness and powerful nature of the transformation. And I also -love- when victims don't go easy. I know the final 'resistance' she offered wasn't all that much practically, but it was nice to read the changes inexorably progressing even as she fought them.
*A huge claim to fame for this piece is the sheer variety. You include a -lot- of different personalities in the characters, you don't bias towards one gender, and the transformations are incredibly varied in both pace and type. There's a little something here for everyone, which is very hard for any writer of any genre to pull off.
*Your villain, the chef, has a very nicely done personality. I think the final mechanic (the computer) hurts things a little bit, because then it's not him doing the cooking, it's a machine. But you do a great job before that of conveying how he greatly wants to do what he plans to do, has a few minor reservations before it kicks off, but then settles into things and then indulges in what he's planned. He's a great character, and I really hope to see more of him.
*Your food writing, considering just how much of it there is in this piece, is quite nice. You appear to have put your mind's-eye into the mind of a food-writer, and you use the right terminology and prose for the situation. That sounds basic, I know it does. But it's not. When it comes to describing food, the sensations centered around presenting and eating food, senses such as taste and smell, or the descriptions involved in the preparation of food (like Tim being tossed around in a seasoned rub), LOTS of writers fail at it in even the most basic of situations. Nevermind something as off-beat as human beings being transformed into foodstuffs. And nevermind it not just being one or two victims, but a room full of them all turning into different things. You nailed the keynotes in a situation that was -way- outside the norm.
*Overall, this was incredibly refreshing and different to read. I'll admit I bias a bit towards the more adult-natured TF stories. I'd sure love to read a mature/adult version of something like this. But in and of itself this story stands out as unique and incredibly enjoyable for both myself and a wider TF-fan audience. Bravo on going so all-out on putting so much content into a single submission.
And hell, if you ever plan to do a second piece with any volunteers I know I sure as heck would vie in. Your writing is superb, and I'd certainly love to see more of it.
I have one somewhere... ummm here it is: http://barrel-o-tf.deviantart.com/a.....ttle-152167459 It's not that good. =P
Thanks though, I'm glad you like my writing. :)
Thanks though, I'm glad you like my writing. :)
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