I really like how when you start to stuck to your rhyming scheme and the usage of the repetition in the beginning fooled me that it would be throughout. The substance was good and fitted well with your style which could be more in dept but is not.

Excellent piece I love the style and form and the sytle allowed me into your restless reality.

Thanks. It was originally song, hence the rhyme and chorus. It's also not just about insomnia, per se, but depression. Did you get what I was trying to say with the last stanza? Yeah, I was in a really dark place when I wrote that. xD

It was implied but without further slight foreshadowing the light climax of an ending had little effect in to the cnclusion

Is that good or bad? Bad, right?

In my similar terms you need more smaller fires to foreshadow the bonfire at the end. Make more mention to foreshadow a need to "sleep" long and hard (death) a need for this sleep and a motivation, to make me feel that these are not just empty words but truly death!

No criticism from me is ever bad because you got my attention and that is the biggest compliment I can give a fellow poet.

Ah, okay. Perhaps then I shall revise my word use. On the other hand, I think I kinda like how the revelation just sorta slips past. Perhaps it's the illusion of an open ending or something similar. I'll attempt a revision anyway, though.

Yay! :D Much appreciated. ^^

Do as you wish. however read over it and see if you can pick up feeling something in the words. See what you may feel completes it,