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So yea, this is one of the worst mornings I've ever had.
My heart hurts, everything is going wrong..... its just one of those days you ask yourself why you even bothered to wake up.
The worst thing is, I don't normally... well, I don't ever go through this kind of thing.
I'm really stuck. I don't know how to deal with it, and my head just keeps making the pain worse and worse.
Hopefully I'll have a better day later.... but for now, I just want to crawl under a rock, or better, become one.
I thought I had nothing left of my heart and soul... maybe I was wrong... or maybe I invested what little hope I had left in one last chance. And if I did, I hope it was the right one. I don't think I can afford another. If my emotional bank is any good, it'll manage to scrounge up enough to keep me going. Hopefully.
I'm still young, so I'm not sure if this is how stuff works out and then you get over it, but all I know is what I feel at the moment. Its doesn't feel good, at all.... my joy, my reason to smile is not here right now. But I'll continue giving people these plastic faces I've perfected over the years. They will think nothing is wrong, they will continue to live, and I will continue to erase myself. In reality, I think that everyone will be happier when "Me" is gone. If all else fails, at least someone else will have a body to move into. All I know, is that I won't be perverting this vessel. Let the next "Me" do as they please with is.
O.K., I think I've officially gone Emo for the week.
My heart hurts, everything is going wrong..... its just one of those days you ask yourself why you even bothered to wake up.
The worst thing is, I don't normally... well, I don't ever go through this kind of thing.
I'm really stuck. I don't know how to deal with it, and my head just keeps making the pain worse and worse.
Hopefully I'll have a better day later.... but for now, I just want to crawl under a rock, or better, become one.
I thought I had nothing left of my heart and soul... maybe I was wrong... or maybe I invested what little hope I had left in one last chance. And if I did, I hope it was the right one. I don't think I can afford another. If my emotional bank is any good, it'll manage to scrounge up enough to keep me going. Hopefully.
I'm still young, so I'm not sure if this is how stuff works out and then you get over it, but all I know is what I feel at the moment. Its doesn't feel good, at all.... my joy, my reason to smile is not here right now. But I'll continue giving people these plastic faces I've perfected over the years. They will think nothing is wrong, they will continue to live, and I will continue to erase myself. In reality, I think that everyone will be happier when "Me" is gone. If all else fails, at least someone else will have a body to move into. All I know, is that I won't be perverting this vessel. Let the next "Me" do as they please with is.
O.K., I think I've officially gone Emo for the week.
Category All / All
Species Housecat
Size 766 x 627px
File Size 114.6 kB
*offers a friendly shoulder for you to cry and cuddle to, to help you gain your strength again* Sorry to see no one has bothered to leave you some words of comfort. I shall.
Now what talk is this that no one will miss this "you" of yours? What makes you think such a thing?
Now what talk is this that no one will miss this "you" of yours? What makes you think such a thing?
>.>
This was me being uber emo cuz of my ex....
I have slight emotional issues and they get bad sometimes (Not good at dealing with stress and stuffs)
And by the "Me" I meant my personality and self. I thought that all anyone cared for was just the body, and that so long as it was there it was enough, but they didn't care about my affection, my drive to be useful, or any of that.
My reasoning in life is that I exist to be useful to someone, and that my personal goals will never be reached unless I have someone to push me. In other words, this seemingly selfless act is about as selfish as it can get. I do things for recognition. Its totally not me but thats the dark half of my reality. I consciously do all with selfless intention but subconsciously expect selfish rewards. And that is the paradox of my existence, hence the emotional instability.
This has been a psycho-analysis by Eclypse: Fee 100 Zeta. *pays self*
This was me being uber emo cuz of my ex....
I have slight emotional issues and they get bad sometimes (Not good at dealing with stress and stuffs)
And by the "Me" I meant my personality and self. I thought that all anyone cared for was just the body, and that so long as it was there it was enough, but they didn't care about my affection, my drive to be useful, or any of that.
My reasoning in life is that I exist to be useful to someone, and that my personal goals will never be reached unless I have someone to push me. In other words, this seemingly selfless act is about as selfish as it can get. I do things for recognition. Its totally not me but thats the dark half of my reality. I consciously do all with selfless intention but subconsciously expect selfish rewards. And that is the paradox of my existence, hence the emotional instability.
This has been a psycho-analysis by Eclypse: Fee 100 Zeta. *pays self*
Its alright. Everyone has there time of being unable to handle the troubles of life. I've had my fair share of "procrastination" on stressful things. Wanting to just push them aside and hope they go away.
As far as you speaking of that, I actually know very well what your talking about. As I told my mother once, because I sometimes just can't motivate myself for my own goals. "I'm one of those wind up cars. I either need a jump start or a crank, but I can't give it to myself, I need an outside force to do it." So you are not alone my friend. ^_^
I also know of that selfless to be selfish stuff. When you hear other people getting recognized, that bit of envy sneaks up, but when its your turn for the spotlight, its all "Aww shucks, you didn't have to" though inside, we're eating it up.
Welcome to my world, as I seem to have stumbled upon yours as well. *offers his open arms* We seem to share the same agony, but at least you can find some solace that you don't share it alone.
As far as you speaking of that, I actually know very well what your talking about. As I told my mother once, because I sometimes just can't motivate myself for my own goals. "I'm one of those wind up cars. I either need a jump start or a crank, but I can't give it to myself, I need an outside force to do it." So you are not alone my friend. ^_^
I also know of that selfless to be selfish stuff. When you hear other people getting recognized, that bit of envy sneaks up, but when its your turn for the spotlight, its all "Aww shucks, you didn't have to" though inside, we're eating it up.
Welcome to my world, as I seem to have stumbled upon yours as well. *offers his open arms* We seem to share the same agony, but at least you can find some solace that you don't share it alone.
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