Your lettering might be greatly improved if you were to use one of those uoiji board guide things. I don't know what they're called, but my roomie majoring in sequential art had to use one of them. They're retardedly frustrating but text looks great afterwards.
That, or Photoshop. I'm kind of down because I wanted to read the dialogue and instead of getting an idea of what's going on I read something like "You holdin'?" and "No, I'm just... harie." And I'm like... what?

Your action panels probably could help by clearing up what's actually happening. The first and third panels look like they should be giving me details, but they're somewhat vague and scratchy, so I don't actually know what's going on. Useful tidbit you PROBABLY already know and I'm going to sound dumb for saying, but thicker, heavier lines come forward in space while lighter, thinner lines recede, which helps a lot when you're trying to show three-dimensional objects and space in a two-dimensional panel.

As for the frames, I like your border style, but I think you've left too much negative space between the frames, to the point where it doesn't really feel like a flowing storyboard. Either try to fit more in or make each panel larger... efficient use of space on a page is your friend.

As a prototype, it looks like a good idea. If you're not going to do the comic, well.. it's a shame :3 I'd like to see what you come up with.

Ok well, I am not an artist, but I like it.

I like the borders and how they spread out a little, it makes them stand out.
The hal face int he final panel is really well done, definite emotions there.

Its a lot better than other comics out there simply because it is tryng something new.