I've been hurt for a long time now, a little more than two months to be exact. It's getting better, I am getting happier, and I am getting over the sad and hurtful thoughts and feelings, but there is still something in my heart that aches, I feel hated, I feel lonely and I feel like a burden to everyone I love.. and its hard to handle, but I still manage to be happy, or "happy".

I've also decided to try to explain what's been happening in my life, and why I've been away for so long. Hopefully it makes sense, and no I don't want to talk about it, if I need anyone to talk to I go to the ones I trust. I don't really trust strangers on the internet, just saying.

Say that the one you love the most in the whole wide world suddenly stops telling you he/she loves you. You try your best to keep contact, but its like he/she ignores you. You have been planning to visit him/her, and you have bought the ticket. When you tell him/her about it, he indirectly tells you to cancel it. You do cancel it, and you feel very angry and sad because this person does not want you there. You feel pretty much lost, and your heart feels like it's going to explode of feelings. He/she stops talking to you, and you never talk to him/her either because you don't want to be a burden. Your parents get angry about this ticket because it costed so much money, and you got almost no refund. You try to tell the person you love that your parents might get mad at him/her because of it, and that you love and care for him/her. he/she starts shouting at you, calling you names, telling you that "maybe we should cut the contact, forever!". You got mad yourself, because the person you love didn't get the message, and you start calling him/her names too, because you get so frustrated, sad and angry. When you stop talking to each other, you just want to bury yourself all alone in the dark, cold mountains.

The next time you even try to talk to this person, you write two pages about your feelings, and sending it to him/her. The person says he has found someone else, and that he/she still loves you, and still want to have contact with you. You realize that you can't keep contact any more because it hurts so much to even see the first letter of his/her name. You tell him/her that you still love him/her, and that you'll never get back together. Then you delete him/her from everywhere except for your phone, because you still love this person so much and you still crave some kind of contact even though you just can't handle it.

^ this is basically why I've not posted art, why I haven't been able to answer comments or notes, not being able to chat like a normal person with everyone. I've just.. tried to keep away from reality for quite a while, just trying to get back on my feet after being hurt for so long. It still hurts, still feels like I have a hundred knifes in my chest. But it's getting better, I hope.