I... dunno really.
I mean
I've kind of realized recently I have no friends off the internet. Sure, I've got FRIENDS, just... none that I talk to or ever see. I realized I've only got the people I talk to online, there's nobody else around me I can talk to. It's been forever since I've even gotten a hug. It's something really small, really insignificant... something really painful.

I'm so used to knowing everybody around me, so used to being around people who care. Now I'm surrounded by all these people who don't know, don't even care to know. I've been thrown into groups of high schoolers who've grown up together, I am an outcast, I never really act as part of a group, I simply fringe it.

All of the confidence that's been growing in my years of being surrounded with people who love me, it's dwindling, I can feel it ebbing away. I've started drawing instead of talking, listening to music instead of voices. The only time I talk is when I get home, when I get on Skype and open a join.me to talk to people.

It's my senior year, shouldn't I be happy? Isn't this the year of my life. Why is it all I can manage is a fake smile, a small laugh here and there? I can't STAND where I am, can't handle the people around me.

I'm so lonely. I've been cast out, purposefully or not, I have been cast out by the people I loved and who loved me. It's mostly my fault for not keeping good enough contact... but I need somebody REAL
Not over the internet
Not somebody states and hours away.
No
Somebody here now
Because I hate this.

I wish I could just turn a blind eye and cast it all away.