makes gesture for more please

there will be :)

Nice. There are a couple grammar errors, but I'm sure you'll find them quickly and correct them. Besides, the story's really got me interested now. And you do make a point about decay being weak in some places. Sure, the body will disappear, eventually. But not for a long time, and even then the destruction might be too swift to be called "decay".

But I'm letting my mind wander into the fantastic. =P Good job on this, hun. Hope to see more soon!

Please tell me the grammer errors, because I'm not seeing them.

GRAMMAR. oh, fantastic of me to type that word wrong.

chuckle

im a writer and contantly making writing errors is how my editor keeps me sane and he becomes less so LOL!

Well, let's see... some of this is gonna be more improvements than outright errors, so I hope that's okay.

"A place neither here nor there, existing or not existing..."

Last part feels a bit awkward. I suggest replacing "or" with "yet". It sounds better, and let's the reader know that both options are equally true.

"In that there was no sense of time ..."

Feels like a sentence fragment. Either fill it out, join it with something else, or throw it out completely. Your writing will be tighter if you do.

"so not only was the question, "Where am I, but WHEN am I?"."

Need to clean up your quotation marks. Suggest "So not only was the question, 'Where am I?' but also 'WHEN am I?'" This neatly separates the questions into two and sounds much better. Also, the period is likely unnecessary; I suggest you drop it.

"Whether it was night or day was indeterminable."

The last word is used right, yet it doesn't quite seem to fit to me. Perhaps I'm just stumbling over something that isn't in the vernacular. =P I don't know many people who use that in every day speech, so it's a bit unusual for me to encounter here. Do with it as you please; I'm not certain about corrections for this.

"None of these bothered her as she'd always thought morbidly."

Feels a bit off. Suggest "None of these bothered her as her thoughts had always been morbid."


I think that's it. Hope I wasn't too brutal; I want to see where this goes. I'm sure you would've caught some of them after a few weeks though. Once you're properly distant from your work, you can "murder your darlings" as necessary and not feel so bad about it. =P Just something to think over.

Actually, I LIKE the way I worded most of those things!

"existing or not existing..." is not "yet" because it depends on the perception of the person, not whether it actually exists. I was trying to convey the sense of confusion.... its almost more of a question than a statement. "existing or not existing?"

THE ONE THING I WILL CHANGE: I see the problem with "no sense of time..." I think there was something supposed to be attached to that. will fix..

I like using lesser used words from time to time, and do use them in my every day speech. (indeterminable).

I'm also fond of adverbs (morbidly).

If I kept editing my things over and over they would never get done. I have distanced myself from this, and as long as I can read something over and like the flow and meaning, then it is good to me.

Eh, it's up to you. I feel the edits would make things better, but it is your story. I just hope I wasn't too severe. ^.^;; I tend to be a little cold-hearted with honest critique. Sometimes, I'm not sure I word it properly.

In any case, if you come back to this a while later and think it needs improvement, you can look over my suggestions again. But whatever the case, I'm sure you'll do what's needed to make the story awesome.

nope, I like it just the way it is.

WOW this is amazing.

thank you

I love the way you counterbalance the elemental powers in your world.

I'm very big on that... I don't like when super powers are too powerful. For every "plus" there is a "minus". What is helpful to one is harmful to another.

It's something you see a lot, but your take on it is exceptionally original. Very, very cool.

<3

Multi-talented!

Good job. I could almost picture a comic strip in your style as I read.

Thank you. It was going to be a comic until I realized that most of it relies on characters inner thoughts and observations, so I thought it would be better described in a story than in panels.