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Well... I finally finished my story for the prompt. I think it all came out very well, but I would love to here your opinion. Anything you love or hated, from grammer errors to cheesy one liners. I'd like to here it.
Here is the link to part 1:http://www.furaffinity.net/view/928759/
This was written for the thursday prompt from
poetigress
Your critiquing is welcomed as always.
Here is the link to part 1:http://www.furaffinity.net/view/928759/
This was written for the thursday prompt from
poetigressYour critiquing is welcomed as always.
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Wolf
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 51.5 kB
Ummm... a few things. I'm wondering if this is supposed to be humorous, maybe? It's a little difficult to tell. You break the fourth wall a couple of times, but I can't tell if it's on purpose for a comic effect, or what. I had a tough time following events, too, what with all the character name changes and the like.
Anyway, since I obviously was too dumb to figure out your story, I'll just make a few stylistic comments. Don't use capitalization to add emphasis; generally, if you really think it's necessary, you can use italics, but most of the time that's not even necessary. If someone's yelling about something, the dialogue itself should be sufficient to let the reader know. That also goes for exclamation points; do your best to eradicate them all.
And be sure not just to rely on spell-checker. I can tell you used it, because every word that was misspelled was a real word (i.e.: 'Berker grinned ounce again').
And one last thing. If you really were trying to break the fourth wall, this is fine, but if you weren't, you'll never want to introduce the narrator into the story. There were a couple of lines there with the word 'you' in them, is what I'm saying, like the narrator was talking to the reader. In serious fiction, that seems to be mostly frowned upon these days.
Just a few things to keep in mind. Hope they help.
Anyway, since I obviously was too dumb to figure out your story, I'll just make a few stylistic comments. Don't use capitalization to add emphasis; generally, if you really think it's necessary, you can use italics, but most of the time that's not even necessary. If someone's yelling about something, the dialogue itself should be sufficient to let the reader know. That also goes for exclamation points; do your best to eradicate them all.
And be sure not just to rely on spell-checker. I can tell you used it, because every word that was misspelled was a real word (i.e.: 'Berker grinned ounce again').
And one last thing. If you really were trying to break the fourth wall, this is fine, but if you weren't, you'll never want to introduce the narrator into the story. There were a couple of lines there with the word 'you' in them, is what I'm saying, like the narrator was talking to the reader. In serious fiction, that seems to be mostly frowned upon these days.
Just a few things to keep in mind. Hope they help.
I see your point about breaking the fourth wall. I was trying to use that as a comic relife, but I suppose that in my mind the writer is always an evident character in the story, but I guess most readers don't think that way and I should be careful of that. Thank you for your critique!
Very interesting story. Your style is a bit wavering, but you patch it up really well with the enthusiasm to your own story. Very well written safe for a few errors and unnecessary use of numerals in prose, this story was full of action and twists, it kept me glued to the monitor while it lasted. Great little piece, I liked reading it.
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