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Story / General Furry Art
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This happens well after her transformation and high school.
This was just a thought experiment. There is too much exposition in it to actually be used in the final story, but I do see a similar scene unfolding sometime down the line. Of course, by then, the readers will know what to expect when Sarah stands up, her daily routine and the problems she has fitting into a society that is no longer hers.
I'm very welcoming of comments. Thank you for reading! ^_^
This was just a thought experiment. There is too much exposition in it to actually be used in the final story, but I do see a similar scene unfolding sometime down the line. Of course, by then, the readers will know what to expect when Sarah stands up, her daily routine and the problems she has fitting into a society that is no longer hers.
I'm very welcoming of comments. Thank you for reading! ^_^
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Panther
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 2.3 kB
Very interesting, I like the more subtle interactions between the two in the details, they really define the more prominent back and forth talk. There are parts of the dialogue where you use words that can be combined into contractions. That would definitely help the words flow more naturally (seem more "spoken") and seem a bit less "written". Something you could also try is use more synonymous words (e.g. when the tightly dressed girl comment's on Sarah's nudity she uses the word "nasty" twice in one sentence, the onomatopoeic "ewww" sounds more natural to conversation). Other than those minor technical details, the story is great.
Thank you for the feedback. I'll fix the contractions in an upcoming draft and shore everything else up. I didn't think "ewww" would work, but if you've seen it in other writing, sure, I'll give it a shot.
Glad you like the story. Would you like to see this story re-uploaded with the corrections or something new?
Glad you like the story. Would you like to see this story re-uploaded with the corrections or something new?
You're welcome. In conversation, the "ewww" is more natural than a more complexly pronounced word such as the one used. I'm afraid I cannot advise you very much on whether this scene should be kept as is in your story as I haven't the foggiest of the surrounding scenes and underlying plotlines of it.
Thank you for the welcome back, corrections, and comments.
The "popping" of her hips are how I'm trying to show how she can be bipedal and can run around on all fours when she wants. Anatomically, it's not really possible but I imagine that if it was, there would be some joint adjusting to compensate for the new posture. Obviously I have to fix how I show that. Thanks for the feedback.
Hope your year is going well.
The "popping" of her hips are how I'm trying to show how she can be bipedal and can run around on all fours when she wants. Anatomically, it's not really possible but I imagine that if it was, there would be some joint adjusting to compensate for the new posture. Obviously I have to fix how I show that. Thanks for the feedback.
Hope your year is going well.
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