Hello dere! This is something I've been doing on and off for a while... I have a /huge/ amount of respects to the writers of FA! Those of you who time and time again post written works!
You put in as much time and effort as an artist does for a picture, oftentimes more, and get less recognition for it because FA is primarily an art site. Well... it's an old debate... but I thought I'd try my hand at writing because it looked fun!
So without any more fluffing around... here is my Jenny Days
==========================================
Early 2012
"Well, that's that. I lost my job. I guess, if we wanted to go into specifics, you could say I quit. There's only so many forms you can fill out without going crazy! I'm a free spirit, you know?"
Lounging hardly described the lazy quality of Jenny, as she draped herself across her old threadbare couch. It was made of green and blue fabric, and looked tacky enough to have been from the 60s, only ample cushioning made it the beautiful bed of relaxation that it is today. The jackal twirled a sapphire blue strand of hair around her finger, and examined her footpaws on the far arm of the couch as she talked on her cellphone. She'd just left her job as a Data Processing Officer with a government branch. It was a fancy word for someone who re-filled out the forms citizens sent in that had either been written in a colour the computer wouldn't pick up, were eaten by snails, or otherwise unintelligible.
"No I don't have another one lined up... something will drop in my lap eventually... you know how it goes." She gave a tired little yawn. "Look Gene, you worry too much. What will be will be." Whoever was on the other end of the phone didn't seem to agree with the statement. Jenny pulled a face and her thoughts were interrupted by the hungry growl of a tummy that hadn't been fed for a few hours. "Hey Gene, something's come up! Call you back, kay?"
With that and a grin befitting the strange jackal, Jenny hauled herself up off the couch and padded towards the kitchen. By usual standards she wasn't stunningly beautiful. God hadn't given her much in the way of breasts, and her ass was nothing to write home about. She was too tall, too flat and just a little bit pudgy around the tummy. None of that concerned her at the time though as she disappeared into the kitchen, her long, fluffy tail flicking casually behind her.
* * *
"Yes, I moved back in with my dad... it's only a temporary thing! Don't worry..."
Turned out job searching was harder then Jenny thought it was. It had been a couple of weeks after she'd quit her job and still no takers. Not even an interview. No one really wanted to hire a twenty something year old with no qualifications and no stable job history. The fact of the matter was, Jenny was a slacker. The black sheep of the family. She sighed gloomily, looking around her old room. She'd thought she was never going to come back here... but... times change. It was a small little space, barely enough room for a desk and a bed. The bare essentials. Well, a few things had to be added in, speaking of essentials... Her computer cast a bright light across the room, and the hum of her minifridge could be heard from its place nestled up against the side of the desk. Package wrappers and discarded clothes littered the floor. All her clothes were shrinking these days. It must be the drier...
Jenny avoided looking in the mirror. Alright, so she'd been snacking a bit. Who could blame her? The stress of having to move back in with her father, no work, so she raided the household fridge and pantry a couple of times a day, is that so big a crime? If it was the evidence was sitting firmly around her waist, which seemed to be making a break for it over the waistband of her jeans as she sat at her desk and talked on the phone. She picked up another donut and chewed absent-mindedly on it. She'd return to job hunting tomorrow...
* * *
"It's not the best job... but it'll do. No! You're not allowed to come visit. I'm not telling you where I work! Look, there's a customer, I've got to go."
Jenny quickly snapped her cellphone shut and stuffed it in the pocket of her new work uniform. The blouse was way too tight! Did they expect everyone who worked here to be stick figures? Of course, the Hungry Joe's Diner saw its fair share of overweight people. And admit it or not (and she certainly would not!), Jenny was steadily becoming one of them. She'd been working there for a week or so now and she wore a pink uniform over her blue and grey fur. It was several sizes too small and tearing at the seams. Not because she was too tall, no, because of the considerable pot belly that had formed around her midsection. She tried to ignore it as it pressed against the counter when she processed customers orders. She did her best to look past it as it got in the way whenever she bent down. But the fact of the matter was... she was getting fat. Two thick love handles had formed at her sides, and her proud, jackal's muzzle had the beginnings of a double chin swelling up beneath it. Her rear strained the fabric of her pants and her thighs seemed to brush together whenever she walked.
Jenny sighed. She'd start her diet next week, she decided, stuffing a handful of fries into her mouth when no one was looking.
* * *
It started raining as Jenny was walking home. Just her luck. She clutched the paper bag that her Hungry Joe's meal came in to her chest as she hurried along to the cover of a tree. The great brown and green tree branches towered above her, its leaves providing ample shelter from the rain and the jackal slowly lowered herself to the ground among the roots and grass. It was much harder to bend over these days. Damn tight uniforms.
For a few minutes she watched the people hurrying past and took in the scent of fresh rain. It always reminded her of what she felt spring should smell like. But all too soon the day's colours became washed out greys, and the people hurrying past all had their umbrellas out. The smell of grease, and burgers drew her attention to the large brown paper bag she had clutched in her paws. With a delighted little rumble rising from deep within her chest, she opened the bag, extracting the first of many treats within. How many burgers was she able to take home today? One, two, five, eight... too many to count. Far too many to lug all the way home, especially in the rain. Nope, she'd just have to sit here and enjoy them.
Jenny's stomach churned its protest from within the confines of her pink uniform. It was full from a day of sneaking french fries and chicken nuggets on the side. Sips of strawberry milkshakes and not-so-diet coke all added up. She ignored the fact that it looked a couple of inches rounder, and unwrapped the burger. As soon as that greasy, processed meat hit her tongue, Jenny knew she was going to finish the whole thing. How could she not? The mix of flavours was sinfully delightful. The mustard, the ketchup, almost lost on that miasma of mashed up meat by-product and what could loosely be described as a bun. She was licking the crumbs off her fingers before she knew it, and reaching into the bag for the next one.
One by one, the burgers seemed to disappear. So lost in the busy task of eating was Jenny that she almost didn't hear the colossal tear of the seams of her uniform. She couldn't stifle the gasp as she looked down. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. A fluffy little tidal wave being unleashed in her lap. Well, what was left of her lap. Her furry little tummy settled in a jiggling, sloshing, gurgling mound over her legs, buttons flying off of her uniform as the chain reaction of a finally unleashed gut obliterated it at its foundations. A tigress walking past happened to see the display, and was pulling out her phone to take a picture.
Blushing furiously, too embarrassed to be angry, Jenny scrambled to her feet one paw holding her massive looking gut, the other one held out for balance. She was about to make a dash for home through the rain when she realised she'd forgotten the rest of the burgers. "Oh damn it!" The jackal cursed, the flash going off as her bloated form bent over to pick up the rest of her meal, before she dived off into the rain, heading for home. She nearly tripped several times, and the dead weight of her stomach seemed to bounce with every step. What would her father say?! Hopefully he was getting home from work late tonight...
Everything wobbled where it shouldn't have as she ran. Her stomach bounced uncomfortably, and she had to clutch it with both paws, feeling like she'd swallowed a whole bucket of jelly. Or maybe two. She didn't look far off it. Her love handles wobbled and jiggled beneath her uniform, which clung to her body, wet with rain. As Jenny rounded the corner to her street, she decided she couldn't get home soon enough...!
* * *
"You're uh... putting on a bit there, dear."
It was just her and dad these days. Jenny looked over to the older jackal, hiding her blush behind a paw and a mouthful of pizza. "Mmmph?" She raised an eyebrow curiously. It'd been a couple of days since the uniform incident. The company had even issued her with a new uniform, but it had been hard for her to hide her growing tummy around the house. She was forced to wear more and more baggy clothes. Jumpers, sweat pants, even they all seemed too tight. Add to that, with all her extra shifts, it'd been increasingly harder to find the time to go out shopping and well... the result was a Jenny who looks something like this:
Her pink shirt with a 1up mushroom rode all the way up to her deep navel. Her stomach filled the space of her lap, and pressed against the edge of the dinner table as she sat. The shirt seemed to strain, even to cover this much, and Jenny could feel it pinching at her armpits. Her stomach itself, though she had no eye for it, was a thing of beauty. Like someone had plumped the poor jackal up, then stuffed a beach ball down her throat and started inflating it. She found that she rested her hands on its surface, more and more, and that worried her. In a futile attempt to hide the growing love handles at her side, she wore what used to be a loose denim jacket. Even that now pinched at her armpits, and there was no way on earth it was going to actually be able to be buttoned up. Her pants, stretch pants, earned their name, stretching over her now sizable rear, even as it spilled out over the sides of the seat. And what was once the start of a double chin? Well... her neck had grown a lot more plump, though Jenny refused to acknowledge it.
"You uh... sure you don't want to see that diet specialist?" Her father probed thoughtfully.
"Not this again daaaaad... I'm twenty one, I can make my own decisions." Jenny replied, rolling her eyes and taking another bite of her pizza. Her father eyed her stomach and shook his head.
"I'm... not hungry anymore... put the leftovers in the fridge Jen." He said, looking a little green as he got from his chair and headed out to the lounge room to watch more TV. Jenny looked from the doorway to the pizza boxes, blinking. She couldn't... there were at least four boxes there... her father always ordered for variety. And leftovers. Before she knew what she was doing, Jenny had scooped up all the boxes and was waddling quickly to her room. The thought of exactly how wrong what she was doing was only seemed to kindle a hot warmth inside her and spill a blush over her chubby cheeks.
As she shut the door behind her, her tummy gave a little groan of protest. No, it said, I'm full. You ate enough pizza at dinner. Just put it in the fridge. But Jenny wasn't going to have any of that. She... wasn't sure why she did it, but she set all the boxes down on her bed, and one by one started to go through the small pile of pizza she had amassed. The taste of tomato sauce, various toppings, cheese stuffed crust, it was nice, but... it wasn't why she was eating.
As the first pizza disappeared, her pink shirt could no longer cover her tummy, it made do as a bra of sorts, and it was leaning over that engorged, stuffed, beautifully taut tummy, that Jenny realised why she ate as much as she did. It. Felt. Wonderful. The tightness, the warmth rising up her throat, the feeling like any minute she might just pop with everything inside her, and more then that, the fact that here she was, sitting on her bed, stuffing herself like a pig. She chuckled to herself, and squeaked as it sounded more like an oink then anything else. Blushing more, Jenny went for the next pizza.
Bite after bite she shovelled into her salivating maw, one paw rolling the pieces up into fattening, greasy tubes, forcing them into her mouth almost whole, the other rubbing over her swollen, bloated middle. Jenny's gut spread out before her, pushing her legs further apart, and blowing up like a balloon with every strained swallow. Breathing became difficult after the second pizza, as, with no small amount of delight, she found she could no long wrap her arms completely around her gut. And by the third pizza, her shirt gave up. It tore along the sides, freeing her breasts, which she noted with some pride were a little bigger then they had been a few months ago, nearly spilling out of her bra.
Jenny's stomach though was the prized accomplishment. A beachball sized mass of blubbery white-grey fur sitting between her legs. She had to rest the pizza on it, because she could certainly not reach past it without repositioning herself entirely. As she continued to gorge, she poked it gently, feeling it give slightly but not much. It was obviously full of food. And it felt like it. Her stomach rested heavily on her bed, making the springs groan, and the wood creak. Of course, this only fuelled Jenny's passion. "What am I doing to myself..." she moaned around a slice of pizza, crumbs spilling down her overstuffed front. Every bite was a strain now and every breath was harder and harder, but she had to finish. She had to.
Triumphantly, Jenny swallowed the last bite, of the last piece of pizza. She gave a little victory squeak, settling her paws on her incredibly bloated middle. Already some of the meal had started to be processed into fat. She had an obvious double chin, working towards a third. Her arms were bloated and her legs felt and looked thick as tree trunks. Her stomach must have been double the size it was that morning.
And it wasn't enough.
Drunk on food and endorphins, Jenny pulled herself slowly up from her bed. When did getting up become so hard? She didn't even bother trying to find a shirt that might cover her stomach. There were none she had that could. Even her new work uniform would struggle trying. She had to eat. Dignity could wait.
The fat jackal opened her door, peeking outside to make sure no one was watching, before she waddled towards the kitchen, holding her poor, sloshing midsection with both paws to stop herself from losing balance. She checked to see that her father wasn't making any desert, before slipping into the kitchen and opening the fridge. There! Milk. Delicious, creamy, strawberry milk. Several large bottles of it. She rather liked her strawberry milk.
Trembling hands stretched forward, and shaking fingers wrapped around either side of one of the bottles. Bottle didn't really do the container justice. It was easily twice the length of her head, and nearly as wide. Unscrewing the lid, and bringing the milk to her lips, she spilled a little, but didn't care. A dribble of strawberry milk wound its way over her fatty muzzle, down her chins, and across her breasts soaking into her now straining bra as she started gulping from the container. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. More and more of it disappeared by the moment, and with every mouthful her stomach bloated a little bit more, sloshing loudly. It was slowly pressing against the shelves of the fridge, having passed the size of beachball and working onto something altogether bigger as she went for the second container of milk. And the third. With a grunt of irritation, she realised just how heavy her stomach was becoming, and used a paw to grab as much as she could lift, and haul it up onto the counter beside the fridge, not pausing in her gulping of the drink for even that.
It was after she'd finished all the milk and the soft drink, and as she had buried her face in a cake, making little oinking noises as she messily gorged herself on it, that she heard a voice.
"Jen!" Her father was shocked, and angry. She didn't have to look up from her cake to tell that, but she did anyway. Slowly she extracted her muzzle from the cake. Crumbs and icing slipped off her nose to land on her stomach, which stretched out a good way in front of her. As she shut the fridge, and turned to face her father, belly being dragged off of the counter's top, she nearly fell. She'd not realised just how heavy she'd become! Both of her messy, pizza stained paws quickly wrapped around as much of her stomach as they could, to lift it up and try to give some kind of balance. It didn't help a lot, but it did push her breasts into her face, so she didn't have to see her father's disappointed look. With equal parts dread and excitement, the obese jackal realised she was wider then the fridge!
"Christ! What's wrong with you?" He asked, genuinely confused. Wishing she had an answer herself, Jenny sobbed once and then ran to her room. She couldn't run of course, and even waddling was slow. She just wanted to hide under her sheets as soon as possible, so without a moment's hesitation she- got stuck in the doorway of her room. Now /that/ had never happened before! She thought she might die of embarrassment as she felt the cool wood of the doorframe quickly squeeze around her sides. All of a sudden her massively packed stomach was spilling around the doorway, wedging her firmly inside it. She struggled. She tried to push. She whimpered, whined, and sobbed. When did things get this way...?
* * *
It had been a few weeks since the incident with the pizza. Ever since he'd found her gorging on the contents of his fridge, Jenny's father had kept a closer eye on what he stocked his pantry with. Meals consisted of less and less, and every little snack was noted with a comment about her health. He'd made countless appointments to see doctors for what he referred to as her 'condition', but Jenny wouldn't have any of it. She was a grown (growing) woman, and could make her own choices. Most days she wasn't working, she sulked in her room and consulted webcomics to take the edge off her hunger.
With every penny Jenny /did/ earn, however, she invested in food. New clothes could wait. The jackal found herself sneaking in large bags full of donuts, or hamburgers when her father wasn't around, pushing giant tubs of fudge through her window when she couldn't sneak them through the front door. To anyone else, this might've seemed ridiculous, but Jenny was starving! She couldn't deal with her father's idea of a diet. And why should she? Why should /she/ be subject to /his/ whims? And so every day her father set less on the dinner table, she would stuff more food into her cupboard, hiding it there until after dinner, when the real feasting would begin.
Though of course, Hungry Joe's didn't take very kindly to one of their waiters walking around in a blouse they couldn't button. She had to buy a new uniform. Even the biggest size seemed to bulge in all over her, like she would burst out of it at any second. As Jenny stood in front of the mirror of her room getting changed into her work uniform, she couldn't help but notice how hard it was to slide over the protruding bulge of her stomach, which now rested midway down her thighs even as she stood up. It protruded further when she sat. Her thighs rubbed together when she walked, to the extent that she had trouble keeping them apart. They and her stomach, seemed all too eager to jiggle and bounce, a sensation that she felt especially keenly due to the restrictive nature of her uniform. It seemed every little wobble in her adipose registered with her brain, causing her to blush, or tug at her tight clothing. Why did it make her so... hot...? She gave her shirt a last little tug, her gut warping the letters "Hungry Joes" to comic sizes before it rode back up her tummy to rest just above the navel. With a defeated sigh, she tilted her head to look at what else had changed.
Jenny never used to have a thick face, but now her cheeks were flabby, and wobbled when she shook her head. Her neck seemed to be a roll of flab in and of itself. Her arms and chest seemed small in comparison to the rest of her, lending the jackal a prominent pear shape. Not for the first time, she wished that her breasts would've plumped up a little more. Cupping them in her paws, Jenny frowned. How would she attract a man with these... when there was all /that/ hanging below them?
It had been too long since she'd dated, and looking in the mirror, Jenny considered that it was only going to be longer. With resignation, she shouldered her backpack, feeling it nestle among the folds of fat at her back, and left through the door of her room. She hadn't managed to get herself stuck since that night with the pizza, but every time she left she felt the wood brush tighter against her sides.
* * *
"Can you close up Jen?"
"Sure Ben, no problem. Turn the lights off as you go?"
The stout badger nodded his head and walked out the front of the door, shutting the main lights off behind him. It was only Jenny in the back now, mop in her paws, sweat on her brow. She grunted with effort as she worked worked her tired arms to mop up the soft serve that had been spilled there an hour ago, grumbling the whole time. Every now and then the mop handle would bump against her side, or smack her in the breasts. Why did /she/ have to do all the cleaning up? Couldn't she have done the registers? With a little blush, she remembered the last time she was on register her stomach kept bumping it closed. But then, she'd always been a klutz.
Panting from the effort, not that it took a lot to get Jenny panting these days, Jenny leaned against one of the food prep areas and wipes her forehead with her arms. She snatched one of the leftover burgers that she hadn't stuffed in her backpack yet, and chewed it noisily, lamenting her situation once more. Going nowhere in life. Too fat to attract a boyfriend. Keep knocking things over at work. It wasn't an ideal lot, she decided, licking her fingers after the burger was demolished, and feeling around for another. There wasn't one.
Jenny sighed and patted her stomach. "You'll get fed when you get home. Come on now." Strange, she realised, she'd been talking to her gut more and more. Well it was a more prominent part of her, why shouldn't it get the attention? She shook her head and put the mop away, in its spot beside the soft serve machine.
As she turned, her arm brushed against one of the buttons. She still wasn't used to how wide she was. A thick sludge like dollop of soft serve spilled out onto her side. She sighed, scooping the mess off her shirt with her paw and shoving it in her mouth. Oh she /did/ like her soft serve... the jackal moaned a little at the taste. Especially mixed with all the grease from the chips she'd been handling all day.
It was as Jenny turned to leave that she realised that the soft serve machine was still running, its nozzle still dispensing that delicious, creamy, thick treat, and something clicked inside her. One part of her brain backed off, whilst another took over. Jenny licked her lips, and lay down to position herself under the machine.
"What are you doing?!" She screamed from the back of her mind as the first load of thick cream filled her mouth and was swallowed. Soft serve spilled out onto her lips and cheeks, but she didn't bother wiping it away for the moment, she had to concentrate on swallowing without spilling anything. After a few attempts, and a little bit of a mess, she'd managed it. The soft serve machine hummed away, dutifully pumping out litre after litre of creamy delight, and Jenny lay there, her paws caressing her tummy, gulping it down.
Every second, every gulp, and her already huge stomach seemed to grow bigger, rising like dough in an oven, and Jenny loved every moment of it. She squirmed a little, groping and kneading herself in such an obvious display of lust, ecstasy. But there was no one about. She could be who she wanted to be! Who she was!
Her shirt groaned, only managing to cover her breasts, and not even leaving much to the imagination there, either. She moaned, her gut positively ballooning, swelling up before her eyes, yet still she swallowed, still she gulped. Their machine was huge, and had multiple flavours. It seemed like seconds but must have been longer before the first container was empty, and Jenny had to haul her huge, sloshing backside off the ground to press the button for the second. By this point the obese candid couldn't stand front on to the machine, because if she did she couldn't reach past her own gut. She couldn't stand at all, with out one paw supporting her on the counter because she was unused to the sheer weight of herself. She pushed the chocolate fudge button, and slowly, ever so slowly, lay back down in the mess to swallow more.
It was like a dream, like a trance, a moment stretched out for an eternity where all she did was gulp, and slurp, and lap up the heavy fudge. The creaking, groaning, churning protest of her stomach as her overstuffed gut enveloped more of her thighs, bloating out either side of her, and above her in a large, quivering dome, only served to fuel her passion. This wasn't about hunger any more, this was about pleasure, and from her moaning she was getting just about enough of that.
The minutes past as the obese jackal took up more and more space on the floor. She could feel her stomach start to press against the counters either side of her. She squeezed it, and hugged as much as she could, pulling up her breasts to knead the sloshing mass.
And then it was over. The machine was empty. With a pitiful whimper, and the involuntary twitching of a leg, Jenny shuddered and lay still, panting, blushing, and warm in the afterglow of the best moment of her life. Slowly, like a glacier, Jenny started to try and pick herself up. Try being the operative word. When she started to sit up, she realised that her gut was at least twice as big as it was when she'd moved to lie down the first time. It was a heavy, and huge obstacle to her, pushing her back down, whenever she tried to push herself up.
After a moment, she was able to negotiate herself onto her side, barely avoiding becoming wedged between the two counters. That was not a sight she wanted her supervisor to see, coming into work on the next day. As she stood, her paws holding onto her massive love handles to stop the weight of her stomach pulling herself forward, she could feel the underside of her own gut pushing against her knees, forcing her thick legs apart. She'd made a huge mess, she /looked/ a huge mess, a bloated ball of soft serve and fudge covered jackal. Her breasts pushed against her chin, so huge was her gut. By the time she managed to, slowly, manoeuvre her way to the front of the store, the sides of her giant gut brushing things to the floor as she passed, she was already running out of breath.
She thanked whatever God there was that the store had double doors, and as much as she hated the prospect of going outside, it was only a five minute walk to her house. The obese, sloshing Jenny took a deep breath, braced herself, and waddled outside...
You put in as much time and effort as an artist does for a picture, oftentimes more, and get less recognition for it because FA is primarily an art site. Well... it's an old debate... but I thought I'd try my hand at writing because it looked fun!
So without any more fluffing around... here is my Jenny Days
==========================================
Early 2012
"Well, that's that. I lost my job. I guess, if we wanted to go into specifics, you could say I quit. There's only so many forms you can fill out without going crazy! I'm a free spirit, you know?"
Lounging hardly described the lazy quality of Jenny, as she draped herself across her old threadbare couch. It was made of green and blue fabric, and looked tacky enough to have been from the 60s, only ample cushioning made it the beautiful bed of relaxation that it is today. The jackal twirled a sapphire blue strand of hair around her finger, and examined her footpaws on the far arm of the couch as she talked on her cellphone. She'd just left her job as a Data Processing Officer with a government branch. It was a fancy word for someone who re-filled out the forms citizens sent in that had either been written in a colour the computer wouldn't pick up, were eaten by snails, or otherwise unintelligible.
"No I don't have another one lined up... something will drop in my lap eventually... you know how it goes." She gave a tired little yawn. "Look Gene, you worry too much. What will be will be." Whoever was on the other end of the phone didn't seem to agree with the statement. Jenny pulled a face and her thoughts were interrupted by the hungry growl of a tummy that hadn't been fed for a few hours. "Hey Gene, something's come up! Call you back, kay?"
With that and a grin befitting the strange jackal, Jenny hauled herself up off the couch and padded towards the kitchen. By usual standards she wasn't stunningly beautiful. God hadn't given her much in the way of breasts, and her ass was nothing to write home about. She was too tall, too flat and just a little bit pudgy around the tummy. None of that concerned her at the time though as she disappeared into the kitchen, her long, fluffy tail flicking casually behind her.
* * *
"Yes, I moved back in with my dad... it's only a temporary thing! Don't worry..."
Turned out job searching was harder then Jenny thought it was. It had been a couple of weeks after she'd quit her job and still no takers. Not even an interview. No one really wanted to hire a twenty something year old with no qualifications and no stable job history. The fact of the matter was, Jenny was a slacker. The black sheep of the family. She sighed gloomily, looking around her old room. She'd thought she was never going to come back here... but... times change. It was a small little space, barely enough room for a desk and a bed. The bare essentials. Well, a few things had to be added in, speaking of essentials... Her computer cast a bright light across the room, and the hum of her minifridge could be heard from its place nestled up against the side of the desk. Package wrappers and discarded clothes littered the floor. All her clothes were shrinking these days. It must be the drier...
Jenny avoided looking in the mirror. Alright, so she'd been snacking a bit. Who could blame her? The stress of having to move back in with her father, no work, so she raided the household fridge and pantry a couple of times a day, is that so big a crime? If it was the evidence was sitting firmly around her waist, which seemed to be making a break for it over the waistband of her jeans as she sat at her desk and talked on the phone. She picked up another donut and chewed absent-mindedly on it. She'd return to job hunting tomorrow...
* * *
"It's not the best job... but it'll do. No! You're not allowed to come visit. I'm not telling you where I work! Look, there's a customer, I've got to go."
Jenny quickly snapped her cellphone shut and stuffed it in the pocket of her new work uniform. The blouse was way too tight! Did they expect everyone who worked here to be stick figures? Of course, the Hungry Joe's Diner saw its fair share of overweight people. And admit it or not (and she certainly would not!), Jenny was steadily becoming one of them. She'd been working there for a week or so now and she wore a pink uniform over her blue and grey fur. It was several sizes too small and tearing at the seams. Not because she was too tall, no, because of the considerable pot belly that had formed around her midsection. She tried to ignore it as it pressed against the counter when she processed customers orders. She did her best to look past it as it got in the way whenever she bent down. But the fact of the matter was... she was getting fat. Two thick love handles had formed at her sides, and her proud, jackal's muzzle had the beginnings of a double chin swelling up beneath it. Her rear strained the fabric of her pants and her thighs seemed to brush together whenever she walked.
Jenny sighed. She'd start her diet next week, she decided, stuffing a handful of fries into her mouth when no one was looking.
* * *
It started raining as Jenny was walking home. Just her luck. She clutched the paper bag that her Hungry Joe's meal came in to her chest as she hurried along to the cover of a tree. The great brown and green tree branches towered above her, its leaves providing ample shelter from the rain and the jackal slowly lowered herself to the ground among the roots and grass. It was much harder to bend over these days. Damn tight uniforms.
For a few minutes she watched the people hurrying past and took in the scent of fresh rain. It always reminded her of what she felt spring should smell like. But all too soon the day's colours became washed out greys, and the people hurrying past all had their umbrellas out. The smell of grease, and burgers drew her attention to the large brown paper bag she had clutched in her paws. With a delighted little rumble rising from deep within her chest, she opened the bag, extracting the first of many treats within. How many burgers was she able to take home today? One, two, five, eight... too many to count. Far too many to lug all the way home, especially in the rain. Nope, she'd just have to sit here and enjoy them.
Jenny's stomach churned its protest from within the confines of her pink uniform. It was full from a day of sneaking french fries and chicken nuggets on the side. Sips of strawberry milkshakes and not-so-diet coke all added up. She ignored the fact that it looked a couple of inches rounder, and unwrapped the burger. As soon as that greasy, processed meat hit her tongue, Jenny knew she was going to finish the whole thing. How could she not? The mix of flavours was sinfully delightful. The mustard, the ketchup, almost lost on that miasma of mashed up meat by-product and what could loosely be described as a bun. She was licking the crumbs off her fingers before she knew it, and reaching into the bag for the next one.
One by one, the burgers seemed to disappear. So lost in the busy task of eating was Jenny that she almost didn't hear the colossal tear of the seams of her uniform. She couldn't stifle the gasp as she looked down. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. A fluffy little tidal wave being unleashed in her lap. Well, what was left of her lap. Her furry little tummy settled in a jiggling, sloshing, gurgling mound over her legs, buttons flying off of her uniform as the chain reaction of a finally unleashed gut obliterated it at its foundations. A tigress walking past happened to see the display, and was pulling out her phone to take a picture.
Blushing furiously, too embarrassed to be angry, Jenny scrambled to her feet one paw holding her massive looking gut, the other one held out for balance. She was about to make a dash for home through the rain when she realised she'd forgotten the rest of the burgers. "Oh damn it!" The jackal cursed, the flash going off as her bloated form bent over to pick up the rest of her meal, before she dived off into the rain, heading for home. She nearly tripped several times, and the dead weight of her stomach seemed to bounce with every step. What would her father say?! Hopefully he was getting home from work late tonight...
Everything wobbled where it shouldn't have as she ran. Her stomach bounced uncomfortably, and she had to clutch it with both paws, feeling like she'd swallowed a whole bucket of jelly. Or maybe two. She didn't look far off it. Her love handles wobbled and jiggled beneath her uniform, which clung to her body, wet with rain. As Jenny rounded the corner to her street, she decided she couldn't get home soon enough...!
* * *
"You're uh... putting on a bit there, dear."
It was just her and dad these days. Jenny looked over to the older jackal, hiding her blush behind a paw and a mouthful of pizza. "Mmmph?" She raised an eyebrow curiously. It'd been a couple of days since the uniform incident. The company had even issued her with a new uniform, but it had been hard for her to hide her growing tummy around the house. She was forced to wear more and more baggy clothes. Jumpers, sweat pants, even they all seemed too tight. Add to that, with all her extra shifts, it'd been increasingly harder to find the time to go out shopping and well... the result was a Jenny who looks something like this:
Her pink shirt with a 1up mushroom rode all the way up to her deep navel. Her stomach filled the space of her lap, and pressed against the edge of the dinner table as she sat. The shirt seemed to strain, even to cover this much, and Jenny could feel it pinching at her armpits. Her stomach itself, though she had no eye for it, was a thing of beauty. Like someone had plumped the poor jackal up, then stuffed a beach ball down her throat and started inflating it. She found that she rested her hands on its surface, more and more, and that worried her. In a futile attempt to hide the growing love handles at her side, she wore what used to be a loose denim jacket. Even that now pinched at her armpits, and there was no way on earth it was going to actually be able to be buttoned up. Her pants, stretch pants, earned their name, stretching over her now sizable rear, even as it spilled out over the sides of the seat. And what was once the start of a double chin? Well... her neck had grown a lot more plump, though Jenny refused to acknowledge it.
"You uh... sure you don't want to see that diet specialist?" Her father probed thoughtfully.
"Not this again daaaaad... I'm twenty one, I can make my own decisions." Jenny replied, rolling her eyes and taking another bite of her pizza. Her father eyed her stomach and shook his head.
"I'm... not hungry anymore... put the leftovers in the fridge Jen." He said, looking a little green as he got from his chair and headed out to the lounge room to watch more TV. Jenny looked from the doorway to the pizza boxes, blinking. She couldn't... there were at least four boxes there... her father always ordered for variety. And leftovers. Before she knew what she was doing, Jenny had scooped up all the boxes and was waddling quickly to her room. The thought of exactly how wrong what she was doing was only seemed to kindle a hot warmth inside her and spill a blush over her chubby cheeks.
As she shut the door behind her, her tummy gave a little groan of protest. No, it said, I'm full. You ate enough pizza at dinner. Just put it in the fridge. But Jenny wasn't going to have any of that. She... wasn't sure why she did it, but she set all the boxes down on her bed, and one by one started to go through the small pile of pizza she had amassed. The taste of tomato sauce, various toppings, cheese stuffed crust, it was nice, but... it wasn't why she was eating.
As the first pizza disappeared, her pink shirt could no longer cover her tummy, it made do as a bra of sorts, and it was leaning over that engorged, stuffed, beautifully taut tummy, that Jenny realised why she ate as much as she did. It. Felt. Wonderful. The tightness, the warmth rising up her throat, the feeling like any minute she might just pop with everything inside her, and more then that, the fact that here she was, sitting on her bed, stuffing herself like a pig. She chuckled to herself, and squeaked as it sounded more like an oink then anything else. Blushing more, Jenny went for the next pizza.
Bite after bite she shovelled into her salivating maw, one paw rolling the pieces up into fattening, greasy tubes, forcing them into her mouth almost whole, the other rubbing over her swollen, bloated middle. Jenny's gut spread out before her, pushing her legs further apart, and blowing up like a balloon with every strained swallow. Breathing became difficult after the second pizza, as, with no small amount of delight, she found she could no long wrap her arms completely around her gut. And by the third pizza, her shirt gave up. It tore along the sides, freeing her breasts, which she noted with some pride were a little bigger then they had been a few months ago, nearly spilling out of her bra.
Jenny's stomach though was the prized accomplishment. A beachball sized mass of blubbery white-grey fur sitting between her legs. She had to rest the pizza on it, because she could certainly not reach past it without repositioning herself entirely. As she continued to gorge, she poked it gently, feeling it give slightly but not much. It was obviously full of food. And it felt like it. Her stomach rested heavily on her bed, making the springs groan, and the wood creak. Of course, this only fuelled Jenny's passion. "What am I doing to myself..." she moaned around a slice of pizza, crumbs spilling down her overstuffed front. Every bite was a strain now and every breath was harder and harder, but she had to finish. She had to.
Triumphantly, Jenny swallowed the last bite, of the last piece of pizza. She gave a little victory squeak, settling her paws on her incredibly bloated middle. Already some of the meal had started to be processed into fat. She had an obvious double chin, working towards a third. Her arms were bloated and her legs felt and looked thick as tree trunks. Her stomach must have been double the size it was that morning.
And it wasn't enough.
Drunk on food and endorphins, Jenny pulled herself slowly up from her bed. When did getting up become so hard? She didn't even bother trying to find a shirt that might cover her stomach. There were none she had that could. Even her new work uniform would struggle trying. She had to eat. Dignity could wait.
The fat jackal opened her door, peeking outside to make sure no one was watching, before she waddled towards the kitchen, holding her poor, sloshing midsection with both paws to stop herself from losing balance. She checked to see that her father wasn't making any desert, before slipping into the kitchen and opening the fridge. There! Milk. Delicious, creamy, strawberry milk. Several large bottles of it. She rather liked her strawberry milk.
Trembling hands stretched forward, and shaking fingers wrapped around either side of one of the bottles. Bottle didn't really do the container justice. It was easily twice the length of her head, and nearly as wide. Unscrewing the lid, and bringing the milk to her lips, she spilled a little, but didn't care. A dribble of strawberry milk wound its way over her fatty muzzle, down her chins, and across her breasts soaking into her now straining bra as she started gulping from the container. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. More and more of it disappeared by the moment, and with every mouthful her stomach bloated a little bit more, sloshing loudly. It was slowly pressing against the shelves of the fridge, having passed the size of beachball and working onto something altogether bigger as she went for the second container of milk. And the third. With a grunt of irritation, she realised just how heavy her stomach was becoming, and used a paw to grab as much as she could lift, and haul it up onto the counter beside the fridge, not pausing in her gulping of the drink for even that.
It was after she'd finished all the milk and the soft drink, and as she had buried her face in a cake, making little oinking noises as she messily gorged herself on it, that she heard a voice.
"Jen!" Her father was shocked, and angry. She didn't have to look up from her cake to tell that, but she did anyway. Slowly she extracted her muzzle from the cake. Crumbs and icing slipped off her nose to land on her stomach, which stretched out a good way in front of her. As she shut the fridge, and turned to face her father, belly being dragged off of the counter's top, she nearly fell. She'd not realised just how heavy she'd become! Both of her messy, pizza stained paws quickly wrapped around as much of her stomach as they could, to lift it up and try to give some kind of balance. It didn't help a lot, but it did push her breasts into her face, so she didn't have to see her father's disappointed look. With equal parts dread and excitement, the obese jackal realised she was wider then the fridge!
"Christ! What's wrong with you?" He asked, genuinely confused. Wishing she had an answer herself, Jenny sobbed once and then ran to her room. She couldn't run of course, and even waddling was slow. She just wanted to hide under her sheets as soon as possible, so without a moment's hesitation she- got stuck in the doorway of her room. Now /that/ had never happened before! She thought she might die of embarrassment as she felt the cool wood of the doorframe quickly squeeze around her sides. All of a sudden her massively packed stomach was spilling around the doorway, wedging her firmly inside it. She struggled. She tried to push. She whimpered, whined, and sobbed. When did things get this way...?
* * *
It had been a few weeks since the incident with the pizza. Ever since he'd found her gorging on the contents of his fridge, Jenny's father had kept a closer eye on what he stocked his pantry with. Meals consisted of less and less, and every little snack was noted with a comment about her health. He'd made countless appointments to see doctors for what he referred to as her 'condition', but Jenny wouldn't have any of it. She was a grown (growing) woman, and could make her own choices. Most days she wasn't working, she sulked in her room and consulted webcomics to take the edge off her hunger.
With every penny Jenny /did/ earn, however, she invested in food. New clothes could wait. The jackal found herself sneaking in large bags full of donuts, or hamburgers when her father wasn't around, pushing giant tubs of fudge through her window when she couldn't sneak them through the front door. To anyone else, this might've seemed ridiculous, but Jenny was starving! She couldn't deal with her father's idea of a diet. And why should she? Why should /she/ be subject to /his/ whims? And so every day her father set less on the dinner table, she would stuff more food into her cupboard, hiding it there until after dinner, when the real feasting would begin.
Though of course, Hungry Joe's didn't take very kindly to one of their waiters walking around in a blouse they couldn't button. She had to buy a new uniform. Even the biggest size seemed to bulge in all over her, like she would burst out of it at any second. As Jenny stood in front of the mirror of her room getting changed into her work uniform, she couldn't help but notice how hard it was to slide over the protruding bulge of her stomach, which now rested midway down her thighs even as she stood up. It protruded further when she sat. Her thighs rubbed together when she walked, to the extent that she had trouble keeping them apart. They and her stomach, seemed all too eager to jiggle and bounce, a sensation that she felt especially keenly due to the restrictive nature of her uniform. It seemed every little wobble in her adipose registered with her brain, causing her to blush, or tug at her tight clothing. Why did it make her so... hot...? She gave her shirt a last little tug, her gut warping the letters "Hungry Joes" to comic sizes before it rode back up her tummy to rest just above the navel. With a defeated sigh, she tilted her head to look at what else had changed.
Jenny never used to have a thick face, but now her cheeks were flabby, and wobbled when she shook her head. Her neck seemed to be a roll of flab in and of itself. Her arms and chest seemed small in comparison to the rest of her, lending the jackal a prominent pear shape. Not for the first time, she wished that her breasts would've plumped up a little more. Cupping them in her paws, Jenny frowned. How would she attract a man with these... when there was all /that/ hanging below them?
It had been too long since she'd dated, and looking in the mirror, Jenny considered that it was only going to be longer. With resignation, she shouldered her backpack, feeling it nestle among the folds of fat at her back, and left through the door of her room. She hadn't managed to get herself stuck since that night with the pizza, but every time she left she felt the wood brush tighter against her sides.
* * *
"Can you close up Jen?"
"Sure Ben, no problem. Turn the lights off as you go?"
The stout badger nodded his head and walked out the front of the door, shutting the main lights off behind him. It was only Jenny in the back now, mop in her paws, sweat on her brow. She grunted with effort as she worked worked her tired arms to mop up the soft serve that had been spilled there an hour ago, grumbling the whole time. Every now and then the mop handle would bump against her side, or smack her in the breasts. Why did /she/ have to do all the cleaning up? Couldn't she have done the registers? With a little blush, she remembered the last time she was on register her stomach kept bumping it closed. But then, she'd always been a klutz.
Panting from the effort, not that it took a lot to get Jenny panting these days, Jenny leaned against one of the food prep areas and wipes her forehead with her arms. She snatched one of the leftover burgers that she hadn't stuffed in her backpack yet, and chewed it noisily, lamenting her situation once more. Going nowhere in life. Too fat to attract a boyfriend. Keep knocking things over at work. It wasn't an ideal lot, she decided, licking her fingers after the burger was demolished, and feeling around for another. There wasn't one.
Jenny sighed and patted her stomach. "You'll get fed when you get home. Come on now." Strange, she realised, she'd been talking to her gut more and more. Well it was a more prominent part of her, why shouldn't it get the attention? She shook her head and put the mop away, in its spot beside the soft serve machine.
As she turned, her arm brushed against one of the buttons. She still wasn't used to how wide she was. A thick sludge like dollop of soft serve spilled out onto her side. She sighed, scooping the mess off her shirt with her paw and shoving it in her mouth. Oh she /did/ like her soft serve... the jackal moaned a little at the taste. Especially mixed with all the grease from the chips she'd been handling all day.
It was as Jenny turned to leave that she realised that the soft serve machine was still running, its nozzle still dispensing that delicious, creamy, thick treat, and something clicked inside her. One part of her brain backed off, whilst another took over. Jenny licked her lips, and lay down to position herself under the machine.
"What are you doing?!" She screamed from the back of her mind as the first load of thick cream filled her mouth and was swallowed. Soft serve spilled out onto her lips and cheeks, but she didn't bother wiping it away for the moment, she had to concentrate on swallowing without spilling anything. After a few attempts, and a little bit of a mess, she'd managed it. The soft serve machine hummed away, dutifully pumping out litre after litre of creamy delight, and Jenny lay there, her paws caressing her tummy, gulping it down.
Every second, every gulp, and her already huge stomach seemed to grow bigger, rising like dough in an oven, and Jenny loved every moment of it. She squirmed a little, groping and kneading herself in such an obvious display of lust, ecstasy. But there was no one about. She could be who she wanted to be! Who she was!
Her shirt groaned, only managing to cover her breasts, and not even leaving much to the imagination there, either. She moaned, her gut positively ballooning, swelling up before her eyes, yet still she swallowed, still she gulped. Their machine was huge, and had multiple flavours. It seemed like seconds but must have been longer before the first container was empty, and Jenny had to haul her huge, sloshing backside off the ground to press the button for the second. By this point the obese candid couldn't stand front on to the machine, because if she did she couldn't reach past her own gut. She couldn't stand at all, with out one paw supporting her on the counter because she was unused to the sheer weight of herself. She pushed the chocolate fudge button, and slowly, ever so slowly, lay back down in the mess to swallow more.
It was like a dream, like a trance, a moment stretched out for an eternity where all she did was gulp, and slurp, and lap up the heavy fudge. The creaking, groaning, churning protest of her stomach as her overstuffed gut enveloped more of her thighs, bloating out either side of her, and above her in a large, quivering dome, only served to fuel her passion. This wasn't about hunger any more, this was about pleasure, and from her moaning she was getting just about enough of that.
The minutes past as the obese jackal took up more and more space on the floor. She could feel her stomach start to press against the counters either side of her. She squeezed it, and hugged as much as she could, pulling up her breasts to knead the sloshing mass.
And then it was over. The machine was empty. With a pitiful whimper, and the involuntary twitching of a leg, Jenny shuddered and lay still, panting, blushing, and warm in the afterglow of the best moment of her life. Slowly, like a glacier, Jenny started to try and pick herself up. Try being the operative word. When she started to sit up, she realised that her gut was at least twice as big as it was when she'd moved to lie down the first time. It was a heavy, and huge obstacle to her, pushing her back down, whenever she tried to push herself up.
After a moment, she was able to negotiate herself onto her side, barely avoiding becoming wedged between the two counters. That was not a sight she wanted her supervisor to see, coming into work on the next day. As she stood, her paws holding onto her massive love handles to stop the weight of her stomach pulling herself forward, she could feel the underside of her own gut pushing against her knees, forcing her thick legs apart. She'd made a huge mess, she /looked/ a huge mess, a bloated ball of soft serve and fudge covered jackal. Her breasts pushed against her chin, so huge was her gut. By the time she managed to, slowly, manoeuvre her way to the front of the store, the sides of her giant gut brushing things to the floor as she passed, she was already running out of breath.
She thanked whatever God there was that the store had double doors, and as much as she hated the prospect of going outside, it was only a five minute walk to her house. The obese, sloshing Jenny took a deep breath, braced herself, and waddled outside...
Category Story / Fat Furs
Species Jackal
Size 95 x 120px
File Size 34 kB
Listed in Folders
I agree wholeheartedly. Writers don't seem to get the amount of attention that they deserve. It takes quite a bit of effort to write the proper words in order to illustrate the story within one's own imagination, and in my opinion, the effect is just as powerful, if not more, within the mind's eye as it would be if an illustrator drew the same scenario.
That having been said, if this is your first attempt at writing, it's very well written and detailed, and you should feel proud for having tried it yourself. =)
That having been said, if this is your first attempt at writing, it's very well written and detailed, and you should feel proud for having tried it yourself. =)
If you check out my watch list I do hope you see a couple of writers who can write a good fetish story, I certainly think the world of some of them <3
People say that if you want to write well, you should be well read, and well I couldn't have had better teachers then some of my friends <3
Thank you very much for the compliment though! And I rather don't think she will either. Even if she got home, how would she fit through the front door~?
Jenny Days II, Jenny and the Window X3
People say that if you want to write well, you should be well read, and well I couldn't have had better teachers then some of my friends <3
Thank you very much for the compliment though! And I rather don't think she will either. Even if she got home, how would she fit through the front door~?
Jenny Days II, Jenny and the Window X3
-whistles innocently-
I ... have been reading a lot of wg stories lately! X3 I had some very good examples to go by. I think ... and it was hard to write slice of life you know? Not much plot to speak of. Seemed just like a writing exercise. But I had fun, and I wrote the story I'd like to have read~ Which was... a change X3 <3
I ... have been reading a lot of wg stories lately! X3 I had some very good examples to go by. I think ... and it was hard to write slice of life you know? Not much plot to speak of. Seemed just like a writing exercise. But I had fun, and I wrote the story I'd like to have read~ Which was... a change X3 <3
Hey!!! I've read your work, it's worth every week to wait for ;w;
This is... unpolished... I mean I'm really glad you like it! Honestly, I've seen your character in art, in stories, read your page, you seem pretty dang cool, so thank you very much for the compliment!
But I'll continue to watch and wait for your work <3 (though I haven't yet read the latest! I'm looking forwward to it <3)
This is... unpolished... I mean I'm really glad you like it! Honestly, I've seen your character in art, in stories, read your page, you seem pretty dang cool, so thank you very much for the compliment!
But I'll continue to watch and wait for your work <3 (though I haven't yet read the latest! I'm looking forwward to it <3)
This is by far THE best piece of fetish literature I've read in a long time. You put so much detail into everything, from start to finish. I actually found myself reading it over again and noticing some things I have missed before... Just. Awesome. You're so Literate as well, and diverse with the situations! The part where she had to move in with her father was a bit of a twist for me, and where he was kinda like "why Jen why" was just awesome. Damnit now you've got me wanting to write! In all seriousness though, this is just... amazing.
I ... am a little swept of my feet here I have to say! I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as you did! And I /definately/ wanna see you start writing! The more writing we see on FA, the better <3<3<3
Though my life and Jenny's are in no way the same, they say write about what you know so I definitely took a bit of inspiration from life X3
Literate... deary me!!! I'm just... I'm just glad you enjoyed it, thank you <3
Though my life and Jenny's are in no way the same, they say write about what you know so I definitely took a bit of inspiration from life X3
Literate... deary me!!! I'm just... I'm just glad you enjoyed it, thank you <3
This is a very pleasant story <3 Pushed a lot of really nice buttons! Hope to see more :3 It's tough writing, for me. Focus is the hardest thing. I have no shortage of confidence in my ability to portray concepts, it's always just whether or not I can stick with it long enough to do it.
I just wish she'd gotten bigger :3
I just wish she'd gotten bigger :3
Thank you very much! I remember reading some of your work and considering that our tastes are a little similiar~
I also very much enjoyed the story you wrote streaming! Focus can be a bit of a bitch...
Before I got into drawing I was into creative writing. Four... years ago, I think now. I remember how hard it used to be to sit down and force myself to work on something. These days, with commissions looming over my head, and work I should do for friends, and a myriad of other things I need to get done, somehow finding the time to procrastinate with writing isn't as hard as it used to be!!! X3
I do hope that you continue to write and submit, I like your work and am keen to see more of it~
As for her size, with a response like this? I'm certainly gonna work on a sequel ;3
I also very much enjoyed the story you wrote streaming! Focus can be a bit of a bitch...
Before I got into drawing I was into creative writing. Four... years ago, I think now. I remember how hard it used to be to sit down and force myself to work on something. These days, with commissions looming over my head, and work I should do for friends, and a myriad of other things I need to get done, somehow finding the time to procrastinate with writing isn't as hard as it used to be!!! X3
I do hope that you continue to write and submit, I like your work and am keen to see more of it~
As for her size, with a response like this? I'm certainly gonna work on a sequel ;3
I'm glad you liked it! It's a fantasy I've had for a long time, so it was just a matter of getting it to paper. I'll likely do another write-stream in the future, it's just been tough getting a day where my sleep schedule's not messed up. (I work both sub-mornings (3:30am) and evenings, alternatingly! It rocks.
Personally I think you have lots of talent. As you say, yourself, there are not many writers at FA, and finding someone who writes as well as you do is rare.
It is an awesome piece... Doesn't look it was the first you wrote at all.
I wonder what happens with Jenny after that... I would hope she finds a boyfriend... I think she deserves it...somehow...
It is an awesome piece... Doesn't look it was the first you wrote at all.
I wonder what happens with Jenny after that... I would hope she finds a boyfriend... I think she deserves it...somehow...
Well...!!! It's the first story I've written in a long time, and certainly the first fetishy story I've ever written~
That said, I did used to write frequently before I got into art... it was a nice hobby. Had hopes to be an author one day X3
As for what's gonna happen next, if you're curious I'm happy! Imma definately be working on a sequel with this response <3
That said, I did used to write frequently before I got into art... it was a nice hobby. Had hopes to be an author one day X3
As for what's gonna happen next, if you're curious I'm happy! Imma definately be working on a sequel with this response <3
Gee thanks! I actually wrote a short piece called "Higher for Hire" and posted it on my page about two years ago, i didnt think it was any good but recently i've gotten some really nice feedback on it. I'm also working on a new story and would really like someone to read it through before i post it. Would you be interested?
Excellent writing. If a picture paints a thousand words, then these words eloquently paint several pictures And of course, being a great artest too. you could add them
I kid. Excellent work. As is the curse with good writing, now that we've read something this good, we'll have to look forward to more
I kid. Excellent work. As is the curse with good writing, now that we've read something this good, we'll have to look forward to more
Sheesh, you sure did get a big response from the FA community with your story. It certainly helps to be able to draw art to go along with the words .
OK, so I hope you're ready for a slightly different response than the ones presented so far. Let me say first that it is clear that this isn't your first time writing and this story has clearly benefitted from your prior experience, even if you haven't written in a few years. Also, you probably made the right decision with starting with an erotic piece. In general, they are easier and the motivation and goal is clear.
First impressions: It's not very complex as a stand-alone story, but it functions as an erotic piece. There is a momentum that you build up and follow through with. However, the climax could have been stronger. Instead of pulling herself up and ending the story, you could have laid her flat out, intensifying the emotions and delving into the orgasmic thrill she is experiencing whilst stuffed and practically dripping in chocolate. You could have also exploited the fact that she is breaking several rules, she is stealing from her employer, going against the wishes of her father and society in general, even going against common sense in that she doesn't have the clothes or the budget to support her needs after this gorge, and she is harming her own ability to earn future wages. However, she defies these pressures in search for that pleasure and being one with her inner nature, fulfilling herself in a sense. You can channel these emotions to make for a more powerful climax, and perhaps elicit a stronger sexual response in the reader.
It's a touchy thing writing special interest fiction. There's a lot of opinions out there. However mine is that description alone cannot carry the special interest piece. There's got to be passion too.
The story is the weakest part of the piece. As you said yourself, it's basically a slice of life with little focused plot. There's a little with the father and their interactions, but like I said, it's weak and takes a background roll to the eating and fatty descriptions. You do descriptions well, that much is clear from this, but like I said, it's not enough for really good special interest fiction. I would not personally recommend a sequel to this. You'd do much better designing a more powerful story from the ground up.
I feel the urge to do a more thorough review on this. There were several areas I saw where I can offer advice to improve your formatting, make better use of metaphor and discipline your wordplay. I'll get it to you when I can.
And if you would like, feel free to contact me and my friends for brainstorming and ideas regarding this story or a new one.
Looking forward to chatting in the future.
OK, so I hope you're ready for a slightly different response than the ones presented so far. Let me say first that it is clear that this isn't your first time writing and this story has clearly benefitted from your prior experience, even if you haven't written in a few years. Also, you probably made the right decision with starting with an erotic piece. In general, they are easier and the motivation and goal is clear.
First impressions: It's not very complex as a stand-alone story, but it functions as an erotic piece. There is a momentum that you build up and follow through with. However, the climax could have been stronger. Instead of pulling herself up and ending the story, you could have laid her flat out, intensifying the emotions and delving into the orgasmic thrill she is experiencing whilst stuffed and practically dripping in chocolate. You could have also exploited the fact that she is breaking several rules, she is stealing from her employer, going against the wishes of her father and society in general, even going against common sense in that she doesn't have the clothes or the budget to support her needs after this gorge, and she is harming her own ability to earn future wages. However, she defies these pressures in search for that pleasure and being one with her inner nature, fulfilling herself in a sense. You can channel these emotions to make for a more powerful climax, and perhaps elicit a stronger sexual response in the reader.
It's a touchy thing writing special interest fiction. There's a lot of opinions out there. However mine is that description alone cannot carry the special interest piece. There's got to be passion too.
The story is the weakest part of the piece. As you said yourself, it's basically a slice of life with little focused plot. There's a little with the father and their interactions, but like I said, it's weak and takes a background roll to the eating and fatty descriptions. You do descriptions well, that much is clear from this, but like I said, it's not enough for really good special interest fiction. I would not personally recommend a sequel to this. You'd do much better designing a more powerful story from the ground up.
I feel the urge to do a more thorough review on this. There were several areas I saw where I can offer advice to improve your formatting, make better use of metaphor and discipline your wordplay. I'll get it to you when I can.
And if you would like, feel free to contact me and my friends for brainstorming and ideas regarding this story or a new one.
Looking forward to chatting in the future.
Phew what a review! To address quickly what you say earlier on, yeah, I said in one of the comments further up as I said to you when I linked you the piece that this is my first in something like... 4 years? XD
If you don't count Roleplay, perhaps. And yeah, whilst it's not so much that I can draw art to go along with a story, the fact I draw art at all means that people are more likely to look at my work. Another reason I often try to engage in trades with writers - I am more visible since this seems to be an art oriented site. Sadly : (
Thank you very much for your words on the plot, to be honest I was pretty darn nervous about submiting this in the first place. Well, maybe nervous isn't the word... certainly my first fetish piece, and my first piece in a long while I almost /tried/ to focus on the wg aspect of it rather then any sort of overall plot. To its detriment I feel. I'd use the term sequel loosely if I were to do another of these, and I /am/ working on a second, as whilst I don't want too heavy a focus to go into plot (I'm going to try and get my feet under me first) I'm going to at least make an effort to introduce some ;3
So I think what I'll do is take your advice on board, finish what I started here (purely, like, terrible fetish writing XD) and then try and work on writing with more of a plot to it. I mean, hehe, you're kind of my idol there, don't think I'm not pay close attention to your words <3
If you don't count Roleplay, perhaps. And yeah, whilst it's not so much that I can draw art to go along with a story, the fact I draw art at all means that people are more likely to look at my work. Another reason I often try to engage in trades with writers - I am more visible since this seems to be an art oriented site. Sadly : (
Thank you very much for your words on the plot, to be honest I was pretty darn nervous about submiting this in the first place. Well, maybe nervous isn't the word... certainly my first fetish piece, and my first piece in a long while I almost /tried/ to focus on the wg aspect of it rather then any sort of overall plot. To its detriment I feel. I'd use the term sequel loosely if I were to do another of these, and I /am/ working on a second, as whilst I don't want too heavy a focus to go into plot (I'm going to try and get my feet under me first) I'm going to at least make an effort to introduce some ;3
So I think what I'll do is take your advice on board, finish what I started here (purely, like, terrible fetish writing XD) and then try and work on writing with more of a plot to it. I mean, hehe, you're kind of my idol there, don't think I'm not pay close attention to your words <3
FA+



Comments